Father dying

Hey guys, just wanted to share a little bit here. I have seen several other posts on this subject. My observations so far are : I'm 47 years old and I feel as though my backside is exposed even though supposedly I was a man years ago. We found out through the geriatric doctor that my Dad was malnourished for at least 6 months. That cut really hard even though it was nobody's fault. I did not realize the connection to your parents, very strong for me as I have helped to caretake my Dad for the last 10 years or so. One's health can vanish very quickly, a matter of days or hours. I sometimes had thoughts about living at home and helping parents out. I can tell you it was one of the most major blessings of my life now that I can look back on it. My Dad isn't very awake yet the hearing is acute. Tell them you love them whether or not they can speak, they hear you. He has pneumonia and will probably be gone very soon. I don't have alot of friends to grieve with here in Omaha, I wasn't planning on sharing this here but I think alot of you will understand what I say. I'm sure there is more I could say but honor your parents all the VERY best you can, it will bless you very much later in life.
Thanks everybody,
MarNav1

Marnav-
Very sorry to hear, losing a parent is never easy. You give some good advice there, cherish every minute, no matter how painful. I lost my father almost 4 years ago to cancer, and there are still times I want to pick up the phone and call him. It does get easier with time, and the best legacy they can have is us and how we choose to live our lives. Hang in there, and my prayers go out to you and your family.

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I hope the end is peaceful for your dad.

I've recently become a dad, and it's amazing how beginnings make you think of endings.

I think I might go call my dad now...

Prayers sent.
I took my Dad in for the last 6 months of his life, it was a trying time that I would give anything to have back. He was one of my dearest friends and compatriots, his years of unconditional love and trust with every deep dark wart of my life is missed and truly appreciated every day.:candle:
Chin up.

I truly feel for you and share in your feelings. When my folks had me, it was in their later years and I'm their only child. The past 5 years I've watched as my folks have come along in years and through many challenging health issues. About two years ago, mom's condition came to the point she is now in boarding care leaving dad alone. At 89, it was a big change for him and still is. We've been caring for him and it eased the loneliness. For myself at almost 45, I still wonder if I'm "ready" because he's a source of life experiences and encouragement.

We all are aware of the eventuality yet this is one of the stages in life we experience and will work through. They-he will be happy to know that the guidance that has been given you gave you the tools to deal with life and what lies ahead. I know emotionally it is tough yet each day is one to be cherished while the time presents. :thumbsup:

Don't hesitate to share, there is a surprising wealth of encouragement out there to tap into. Friends, family, online...

Touching words MarNav1. Will be thinking of ya. Thanks for the thoughtful remarks as well. It's good stuff to be reminded of.

Yeah you know it's things I had'nt thought of!

It really hits close to home when you lose a parent. I lost my father almost four years ago. I'm in the same situation as you, living at home, and shouldering some of the burden for my mom. Like you, I wouldn't take back the experience of living with my parents for anything. Yes, my dad was a royal pain at times, but at least I know I was there for him is his last years and last days. It will likely eventually be the same for my mom ( although based on her current health and family longevity it's likely she still has a few decades left ). But yes, enjoy these moments with your parents as they'll never come again. Looking back, I'm glad in a way I was never so successful in either business or love that I might have left home years ago. I probably would have regretted the lack of daily interaction with my parents. No matter how many friends you have, in the end you have a special connection with family which can't be replaced. But to this day I still think there might have been something I could have done to keep my father alive longer. He was only 71½. I feel if only he had listened to the advice me and my mom gave him about changing his lifestyle, he might still be with us today. That will haunt me until my last days.

Also, don't give up hope. Even if the odds seem against it, your dad might still pull through. I know I didn't give up on my dad until the doctors said he passed, even though I knew from the get go that things didn't look good.

Thanks JTR 1962, great post!

It is times like these when we are reminded what's important in life. This world constantly tries to tell us life is about things. That things will make us happy. As you know very clearly right now it is people who matter most as I have no doubt you would give all you have to see him well. Our Creator has been telling us this all along of course but sometimes we have to get close to losing our loved ones for us to truly understand. I feel for you as I am getting closer and closer to having to deal with this myself. -Michael

MarNav1, I know how you feel. I lost my mother less than two months ago. She suffered a stroke and died three days later in the hospital from pneumonia. She was 83, and her health had been declining the last few years. I knew the day was coming and every time I visited my parents (some 325 miles away) I always knew in the back of my mind that it maybe the last time I'll see both of them alive together. The entire family did have a chance to see her in the hospital in her final days although she wasn't very coherent. Not a day goes by where I don't think of her.

This thread really hits home with me MarNav1. I'm almost 32yo... when my father passed last October he was almost 82yo. He spent the last two years of his life in a nice convalecent center. The only reson he was there was he almost died on me a couple of times in the 7 previous years that I was living with him trying my best to care for him. It just got to the point where I couldn't give him the care he really needed

While I could have given up on him like the rest of the family, I wanted to keep him happy as long as I could, and living at home made him happy. When I asked him if I could move back home with him in 2001 he was so happy to have me living there again. I always tried to remember that day whenever he was driving me crazy. I guess I'm trying to say I understand what you are going through. You have my condolences for the inevitabillity of the circle of life, and my respect for walking the right path around your circle. Stay strong.

Thank-you for trusting us with your story.

Thanks for sharing.
Thoughts are with you.
I am always amazed at how friendship can be created on forums, where you only share text, yet friendships are created.
Glad we could be part of this.

MarNav1 said:

Hey guys, just wanted to share a little bit here. I have seen several other posts on this subject. My observations so far are : I'm 47 years old and I feel as though my backside is exposed even though supposedly I was a man years ago. We found out through the geriatric doctor that my Dad was malnourished for at least 6 months. That cut really hard even though it was nobody's fault. I did not realize the connection to your parents, very strong for me as I have helped to caretake my Dad for the last 10 years or so. One's health can vanish very quickly, a matter of days or hours. I sometimes had thoughts about living at home and helping parents out. I can tell you it was one of the most major blessings of my life now that I can look back on it. My Dad isn't very awake yet the hearing is acute. Tell them you love them whether or not they can speak, they hear you. He has pneumonia and will probably be gone very soon. I don't have alot of friends to grieve with here in Omaha, I wasn't planning on sharing this here but I think alot of you will understand what I say. I'm sure there is more I could say but honor your parents all the VERY best you can, it will bless you very much later in life.
Thanks everybody,
MarNav1

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That's tough. I will keep you in my thoughts. So far I have been quite lucky, I've not lost many really close except for my Grandad almost a year ago. We'll all have to eventually unfortunately. I'm not looking forward to that at all.

You couldn't be more right with what you have said. For me though it has always been one of the toughest commandments to keep, the fifth one, to honour my parents and something I have to try hard at along with the third.

Honouring your parents and trying best to keep all the commandments I believe will definitely bring blessing to you... God promises and guarantees so himself...


...for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but shewing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. Exodus 20:5-6

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
If ye love me, keep my commandments.


And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.
At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you. He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him,

It's tough - I know, over less than 11 months, I lost both Mom, then Dad - Dad basically stopped eating and got so thin

BTW, the not eating issue is very common in demntia cases.

Dad basically fell apart after Mom died - his cancer and demntia both took off.

Sigh

I know the feeling. My Mother had terminal lung cancer. I wasn't the best kid growing up but I did open up the world for my parents. Every year I sent them on a cruise, took them to Europe, or sent them somewhere they wanted to see. My Mother wanted to see the Cistene Chapel before she died. I booked the trip but she past one week before we were to go. My Dad and I found someone to cremate her right away and went to Rome with her. We snuck some of her ashes into the Cistene Chapel and left her there. That week we scattered her ashes all over Rome. To this day I always take some of her ashes with me when I travel with my Wife. She now resides in Peru, Turkey, Thailand, Singapore, Hong Kong, France, and Germany to name a few places. She always wanted to be a world traveler.

And yes I still take my Father on trips.

Your Father appreciates what you do for him!

MarNav1 said:

He has pneumonia and will probably be gone very soon.....

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I know what your going through.
My Mother(74)was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia a week ago.The nurses told us she was very ill and to expect the worst.They said there was very little chance of her surviving.
I visited her just a few hours ago and now they're talking about her going home later next week.
The point is not to give up hope.Your Father will be in my prayers.

Thanks for all the great posts guys. I know I did my best these last years to help out and they expressed their thankfulness many times as well. I told the Almighty I would trade my life for his even though I know it doesn't work that way, I just needed to do it. I found a good book written by a hospice nurse that I'm going to order, hopefully I can have it read before he is gone. It's called "The Final Act of Living" Reflections of a Hospice Nurse by Barbara Karnes bkbooks.com. It really helps explain the things that can and do happen during this time. All you can do is be with them and reassure them it's okay to let go, that you love them and that it isn't goodbye it's till we meet again. That's the best part of all IMO, plus the suffering for them is over. Once again thanks all for the replies and prayers eveybody.

Marnav1,

Sometimes words can help console but prayers can help heal. You and your dad will be in mine.

Crash