Stainless
Flashlight Enthusiast
> DEMOCRAT
> - You have two cows.
> - Your neighbor has none.
> - You feel guilty for being successful.
> - Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
>
> REPUBLICAN
> - You have two cows.
> - Your neighbor has none.
> - So?
>
>
> SOCIALIST
> - You have two cows.
> - The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
> - You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>
> COMMUNIST
> - You have two cows.
> - The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
> - You wait in line for hours to get it.
> - It is expensive and sour.
>
>
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
> - You have two cows.
> - You sell one, buy a bull, and create a herd of cows.
>
>
> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
> - You have two cows.
> - The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a
> man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
> government.
>
>
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
> - You have two cows.
> - The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for
> the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
> AMERICAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
> - You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised
> when one cow drops dead.
> - You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
> are reducing expenses.
> - Your stock goes up.
>
>
> FRENCH CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You go on strike because you want three cows.
> - You go to lunch and drink wine.
> - Life is good.
>
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
> produce twenty times the milk.
> - They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> - Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
> excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
> - Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> - While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
> - You break for lunch.
> - Life is good.
>
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You have some vodka.
> - You count them and learn you have five cows.
> - You have some more vodka.
> - You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> - The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>
>
> TALIBAN CORPORATION
> - You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> - You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
> - Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in
the
> hospital.
>
>
> IRAQI CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - They go in hiding.
> - They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
>
> FLORIDA CORPORATION
> - You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> - Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> - Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
> - Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
> - Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> - Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
> best-looking cow.
>
>
> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
> - You have millions of cows.
> - Most are illegals.
> - Arnold likes the ones with the big boobs.
> - You have two cows.
> - Your neighbor has none.
> - You feel guilty for being successful.
> - Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
>
> REPUBLICAN
> - You have two cows.
> - Your neighbor has none.
> - So?
>
>
> SOCIALIST
> - You have two cows.
> - The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
> - You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>
> COMMUNIST
> - You have two cows.
> - The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
> - You wait in line for hours to get it.
> - It is expensive and sour.
>
>
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
> - You have two cows.
> - You sell one, buy a bull, and create a herd of cows.
>
>
> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
> - You have two cows.
> - The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a
> man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
> government.
>
>
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
> - You have two cows.
> - The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for
> the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
> AMERICAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
> - You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised
> when one cow drops dead.
> - You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
> are reducing expenses.
> - Your stock goes up.
>
>
> FRENCH CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You go on strike because you want three cows.
> - You go to lunch and drink wine.
> - Life is good.
>
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
> produce twenty times the milk.
> - They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> - Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
> excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
> - Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> - While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
> - You break for lunch.
> - Life is good.
>
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - You have some vodka.
> - You count them and learn you have five cows.
> - You have some more vodka.
> - You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> - The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>
>
> TALIBAN CORPORATION
> - You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> - You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
> - Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in
the
> hospital.
>
>
> IRAQI CORPORATION
> - You have two cows.
> - They go in hiding.
> - They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
>
> FLORIDA CORPORATION
> - You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> - Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> - Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
> - Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
> - Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> - Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
> best-looking cow.
>
>
> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
> - You have millions of cows.
> - Most are illegals.
> - Arnold likes the ones with the big boobs.