B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun only

Light Comedians, lets hear you tell a TOTALLY FULL OF IT story about how your light saved the day.

anything goes, start out easy at the first of the thread, then get seriously rediculous.
Parodying a well known manufactures stories, but totally made up for fun. could be "based on a real story" even.

if you denigrate the light or manufacture or persons or anything use parody names instead of real ones, like SurleyFire , and TigerHeart , Peliguin, BearCub , CreekLite etc. so we dont get sued , after all i am in california /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

How my SureFire light saved the day.

I was carrying my SureFire light and nothing bad happened. Now that's a good light! It was able to keep all the bad events, boggiemen, monsters, gremlins, bugs,spiders, ogres, halfwits, dimwits, nitwits, plaidwits, and taxcollectors away from me without me even having to turn it on!

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nana.gif

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

[ QUOTE ]
MoonRise said:
How my SureFire light saved the day.

I was carrying my SureFire light and nothing bad happened. Now that's a good light! It was able to keep all the bad events, boggiemen, monsters, gremlins, bugs,spiders, ogres, halfwits, dimwits, nitwits, plaidwits, and taxcollectors away from me without me even having to turn it on!

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/nana.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmm....

You'd be surprised - there may be far more truth to this than you might suspect!

I have had to BEG clients for screwdrivers hundreds of times, many more than I can remember, and most of the time they don't have one. How we got the job done is quite inconcievable.

Then I discovered the magic of multitools and started EDC'ing stuff like the Leatherman Wave, Squirt P4, and before those my SAK.

Strangely...

Since I started a year ago...

I never encountered a "I need a screwdriver" situation again. This is not because I had a screwdriver (therefore not needing to ask for one). I have never even BEEN in a situation that required a screwdriver. All the bits on those multitools are literally brand new and have never been used even though I am itching for the first opportunity to do so! Nothing has changed, I still do what I did over a year ago, if anything I do more, and would thus be more likely to require a tool, yet..

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thinking.gif

Truth is stranger than fiction, definitely.

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

It was a dark night on the boardwalk where I was relaxing with some friends near a bonfire. We were arguing over how low on the social scale carrying a flashlight would drag you when a gang of vampires parked by and started approaching us. We could see they were vampires because their retinas were shining from the reflection of the fire, they had albino skin and elongated canines but mostly because they were wearing T-shirts saying "Vampire club 1624"...
They proceded to put out the fire and taunting us when I took out my MaxaRay and shot the closest one, blasting a hole in him before he disintegrated. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/faint.gif Another one leaped toward me but I switched on a SureFlamey M16 and cut off both his legs in mid flight with the beam. He landed next to me and yelled something about hating me before burning away.
The rest ran off yelling "Vampires rule!" but mostly hit walls and poles in the dark due to their shot night vision.
We finally captured them and forced them to pose for pictures with the girls, to sing songs for us and finally stripped them before letting them go.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

kongfuchicken:

You, Sir, are one STRANGE character!!

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crackup.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/happy14.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crackup.gif

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

Like MoonRise, it was an ordinary day. Nothing had happened since I woke that dark, dreary morning. Ominous clouds darkened the sky as I left the house for my long commute to the office.

After a gruelling 10 minutes of fighting traffic (narrowly missing the school crossing guard at the corner) I pulled into the office parking lot. I normally make the trip in 1/2 that time, but I'd driven though Mc Donalds to get a cup of fine coffee. A flash of lightning stretching across the dark sky caught me by suprise as I ran up to the heavily guarded door of my office complex. Like every morning, I flashed my building pass at Sam the security guard who, like every morning pretended to be asleep so he could lull evildoers into complacency.

But this story is about my EDC, isn't it?

As I rode the escalator to the second floor the lights flickered. The crack of thunder followed just seconds later. 15 seconds later, by my count. I froze in terror, thinking of the last time I was stranded between floors. I held my breath for the last ten feet. I all but leapt from the moving tread to the safety of the pale brown carpet of LEVEL TWO.

I reached my office safely, and was just unloading my Capt'n Amurica lunch box when she walked in.

Tall.
Blonde.
Legs that went all the way to the floor.
A bust that rivaled the dot-com collapse.
Lips that were full of promise.
Eyes like limpet pools... very dangerous.

I knew I was in love. I knew I would gladly give this woman everything. I would wake in the morning worshiping her. I would devote every waking hour to my love for her. Her lips parted as she drew a cigarette from her cleavage.

"Got a light?" She asked in a sultry voice, sensuously holding the unlit cigarette to her lips.

I smiled brightly as I held up my Surefire U2 and showed her how to adjust the settings.

She walked out in disgust.

----

Yep, I figure that U2 may have cost me an arm and a leg, but it saved me from a broken heart and messy divorce.

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

I'm reminded of the last time I was in Indiah, hunting tigers from the back of an elephant.

Wouldn't you know, bally tiger jumped into the howdah and snatched my Browning 2xCR123 Xenon/LED combo. As luck would have it, the bloody beast hadn't gone ten yards when the lithium batteries exploded, blowing its head right off.

Now, when visitors to my study see the tiger rug and ask how I bagged it, I say, "with my Browning, of course."

Heh heh heh. More brandy?

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

I sent some stuff to bwaites. The package included one of those RGB flasher LED's (dat2zip gave me,) plugged into a 3.6V Tadiran AA-cell's connector. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/evilgrin07.gif I received an email from the "paramedics" who were called upon his opening it. With Bill's permission, I'll try and hunt-down and paste the email. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crackup.gif

Larry

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

Everything was wonderfull when I left for work that morning, I grabbed my Q87-VII right before I headed out the door, why? I asked myself, why would I even need a light, the sun is shining, it was a full moon at night, the city was well lit, and since when did Vegas, need one more light.

As I drove into the underground lot , I noticed the number of bulbs out, that was my job, replace the bulbs in the sign. day after day it would be the same thing, Get up 75 feet in the air, and maintain the endless rows of colored incadescent bulbs. but today . . . today it would be different.

As I left the storage locker with my usual box full of different colored bulbs for replacement , and walked by the break room, i was on the way to the toilet, because i had to pee bad, THEN is when everything changed.
"hey henry, did you see the news?"
News what was he talking about, certannly it wouldnt effect me, terorist again? , what did the president get shot?
I glanced up to the screen to see behind the fat head of the reporter, a glimpse of what looked like a large concrete structure, she is mumbling something ,but I can't hear, when the picture changes to show the Hoover dam.

"The dam, they think its going to collapse, there was an earthquake and the north side is crumbling"
The WHAT? Damn, the dam is going down?
*POP* *POW* *POW* *POP* I dropped the box of bulbs i was carrying, as I watched the live footage of the collapse, the north side was opening up like the ocean was comming out of it , I glanced down in the box I could see a colorfull array of broken glass, with a concentration of crimson red fragments in the center, almost as if they had died.

That was it, what started as a perfectally normal day for me, had just changed , my entire life might change. Just then the TV wavered and flickered, the screen shrank down, making the reporters head even fatter, and poof, everything went off.

The Emergency lights went on immediatally, as the whining sounds of the huge fans slowed, I could begin to hear the sounds of the pannic striken patrons above me in the casino. The generator would kick on in a few seconds, and everything would . . .

"HENRY WE GOT A PROBLEM !!!, The generator isnt going on, we better get over there and see if they need some help. I followed frank into the generator room, where Bill from electrical was working on the generator.

" I cant see anything " bill says " aim that light over here" I reached up and twisted the head on the emergency light , just in time to see Bill grab the wrong wire, he stands up and stares straight into the light , the light bouncing off the red retina in his eyes his pupils Wide Open, as I watched the last breath gasp out of him, he collapsed onto the ground.

"OH MY GOD" Frank screams "DON'T TOUCH HIM, he is still connected"
Quickly I grabed a broom that was leaning up against the wall, Metal handle, this wouldn't do. Suddenly a shower of sparks came flying out of where bill was working, Raining molten metal on the room, I could feel the stinging pain like a scorpian strike on my bare arms, brushing off the yellow hot pieces as the room lit up like a independance day fountain was comming from the generator.

The generator motor chugs slower for a second, then winds up like a drag racer going for the quarter mile.
"IT'S GONNA BLOW" I yell, I turn to run out of the room, and the generator winds down and comes to a stop.

"You Ok ?" "ya sure" "Lets get bill out of there"
Bills body is being lit up by the emergency lamp, enough so I could see the dark pieces of metal embedded into the skin on his arms, a few molten embers were still smoldering in his coveralls, smoke is rising up off of him like a campfire that had just been doused.
"Grab that bucket"
I grab the mop bucket and pour the contents out over him, the water sizzeles a little as it hits him, and a soapy white foam is streaking across his uniform.

We drag him out from the generator, which is still leeching smoke into the air from the paint burning off the manifold, you could see the wires blackened at the end, spot welded into a Blackened wire ball mass tangled around like medusas hair.

"cough cough", dude he is dead, lets get out of here before the smoke gets us too. "no way I am not leaving him here", "well then Cough cough lets get going"
as we dragged bills body out to the hall, it became heavier and heavier, looking back into the room the emergency light was Cutting through the smoke like an errie spotlight on a fogged stage at the zigfried and roy show. the door automatically closed behind us.

The light in the hall was much better, I could see that bill was very bad off, his hands blackened with copper strands still melded into his palms. " he looks dead man" " follow procedure" I said " get on the box to the paramedic".

frank rushed out to get sombody, and i had to go pee real bad now, I skedaddled down to the maintance restroom, and flung open the door, Pitch black, they never installed an emergency light in the bathroom, and now i couldnt see a thing. I pulled my Q87-VII out of my pocket, pressed the button , and the whole room lit up. ahhh a urinal, do i gotta go. thanks to the wide tailcap and the constant on switch, I could stand the Q87-VII up on the top of the urnial. because of the excelent optics it hit the ceiling above me, and split the light out about the whole room. I reached in for my . . . and the batteries went dead.

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

ooooo. That's bad, Vidpro.


Thanks for the chuckle. In real life, there are only a few times that my EDC was 100% necessary. Two of those included stuck in the mens room when the power went out.



Daniel

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

Vidpro wins. Next contest? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

[ QUOTE ]
Darell said:
Vidpro wins. Next contest? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

ahh we haven't even got to the rediculous ones yet, like the time I saved the world when the russians thought we had launched a strike against them.
Or the time I saved the Space shuttle by guiding them to the landing pad when thier computer navigation failed.
Or
did I tell you about the time we were out hunting?

it goes like this . . .
Me and Fred and Bill , were heading up north to go deer hunting , as the season had just opened.

I grabbed my favoite light the Elko-raw Super SOS Signaling light with a Mega Star Beam Reflector and Q_R Knurled tailcap Version 29, with DoraSell Super Plutonium Halloid batteries , and a few other lights like the Newwelli A-1447 for them, I knew they would forget to bring a light.

We got skunked on the first day out, so we headed deeper into the forest on the next day. I was training my 30-06 onto a nice 6 pointer, thinking about how much trouble it would be to drag it back to the cabin, when . . .

a huge 18 foot grisley bear protecting her cubs lunged out at Bill (poor bill gets it everytime) I whipped out my Elko-raw , turned it on "Mega Blast" mode and pointed it straight (as straight as I can at 18') into the grisleys eyes.

the grisley fully blinded from the sheer power of my Elko-Raw light loses his grip on bill. as bills lifeless body slumps to the ground in a pool of his own blood , the grisley totally blind now, turns and runs right into Fred.
Fred was behind the grisley about to heroicly jump on her back to save bill. Instead as he turns to run, the grisley ends up on Freds back, with a bear hug death grip on Fred.

I knew what to do, I kicked the Elko-Raw into "Super Strobe" mode , and blasted it right into freds glasses, shooting through them it hit the grisley square in the forehead. The thickness of freds high magnification glasses, and the extreeme power of my Elko-raw in strobe mode, bore a hole right through the grisleys head, like a pulse laser weapon.

the grisley loosed its grip on fred and came running after me at full speed. I holstered my Elko-raw in its "Quick Click Rapid Holster" and swung myself up on the first branch of the tree I came to. quickly I scrambled up the tree (about 18 feet with the grisly right on my tail.

The branches were getting thinner on the tree I had inadvertanly chosen in a pannic , and I was running out of places to go. so I unholstered my Elko-Raw from its "Quick Click Rapid Holster" , and landed a Blow on the grisleys paw, thanks to the "Mighty Mite Octagonal Head" on the Elko-raw , the grisley cowered in pain and I swear I heard it say " dang you broke my fingernail"

Quickly I switched the Elko-Raw into "Signal SOS" mode , and turned the power up to 77. I aimed the light at the FireStation that i could see 17 miles away , hoping to gain the attention of the ranger in the tower.

Suddenly I heard a cracking sound, I had gone up the tree just a bit to far. I swung my hand over to grab the center of the tree, and the light droped down to the forest floor.
Thanks to the "Mega Star Beam Reflector" the light landed with a parachute landing face down the tail of it sticking straight up.

The tree finally gave out under my weight, and I sailed out of the tree, landing square on top of my Elko-Raw , thanks to the "Q_R Knurled tailcap" it didnt hurt so bad when the light went right up my backside.

As I rolled over in pain, I could see the lights "Signal SOS" mode was still operational, as it streaked across the forest as I turned over.
Helpless I laid there for 14 hours, when thanks to the "DoraSell Super Plutonium Halloid batteries" a helicopter was able to spot me, after being dispatched by the ranger station 17 miles away, they had spotted my "SOS Signal" mode on my Elko-Raw.

as I was hauled up into the helicopter the co-pilot said " its a good thing you had a Elko-Raw Super SOS Signaling light with a Mega Star Beam Reflector and DoraSell Super Plutonium Halloid batteries, or we wouldnt have seen you at all."

I said, " yes and its going to be with me for a long time"

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

You know, you had me going until the second to the last paragraph where you wrote...
[ QUOTE ]
he co-pilot said " its a good thing you had a Elko-Raw Super SOS Signaling light with a Mega Star Beam Reflector and DoraSell Super Plutonium Halloid batteries, or we wouldnt have seen you at all."

[/ QUOTE ]

Everyone knows that NOBODY outside CPF would recognize that light!


Daniel

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

Wow, I got to get me one of th... ok! Ewww! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon15.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

"This one time, when we are band camp..." /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crackup.gif

Now, seriously, a couple of years back we had a total solar eclipse. The sun suddenly went off!! I ran to my room, and fumbled in the darkness for my miniMag. Having found it, I went outside again and shone the light to where the sun should've been. Within minutes of doing this, my POWERFUL miniMag restored the sun's brilliance and I saved the planet from freezing completely. Nobody's ever thanked me for it /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/jpshakehead.gif

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif Today has been a really bad day so far. It really started last night when I called Bill Waites and he said that re-charging the light was idiot-proof. Well, he picked an idiot for a tester. I awoke this morning to find an uncharged light. There went my breakfast plans. I had already prepared a personal sized serving of cutup bacon & sausage, onions, green peppers, and diced potatoes to fry up this morning using the Ultimate StirFry Light. So I went hungry to work while the charger did its thing. I came home at lunchtime to retrieve the light and went back to work to finish out the day. I should have stayed home!

My boss and I frequent the smoke room several times a day and today was no exception. His lighter just happened to not be working, and I thought I'd be a wise guy and show him how quick the Ultimate Smoking Light could light up our cigarettes. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ooo.gif Colorful language erupted and has continued all afternoon as he has tried to regain his sight while liberally applying Aloe Vera to his burnt nose, forehead, and singed eyebrows.

This evening I stopped by my local gun shop and proudly displayed the Ultimate Show Light to my buddies. They really liked the self-defense qualities it posessed to "blind and bash" here in Chicago's gun-free zone. One guy I know works for Homeland Security (aka US Coast Guard). He wants to take it and see if he can get it "US Coast Guard approved" as the Ultimate Search&Rescue Light. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/huh.gif What do you think Bill? No Joke - He literally wants to take it out on Lake Michigan and see how far away the light can be seen with the naked eye!

When I told him how quickly paper could burn with this light, the gathering crowd wanted to see a demonstration of the Ultimate Stupidtrick Light. I forgot to have a wet towel handy and by the time we put out the flames, the smoke caused the fire alarm to go off bringing the fire department and the local police.

The rookie cop couldn't believe that a 2D flashlight could start a fire, looked into the lens, flipped the rocker switch on the Ultimate Scorch-your-eyeballs Light and proceeded to incapacitate himself. We all laughed at his ignorance. He didn't think it was too funny and wanted to haul me off for some quiet time in an Ultimate Solitary Location. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mpr.gif Fortunately cooler heads prevailed and I was told to go home before I caused anymore trouble.

Some more testing of course is in order.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thinking.gif Side Note to self:
Compare (with pics) a 500w stage light vs USL in hotel ballroom.
Set up a meeting with head chef to evaluate crème brule desserts made ala the Ultimate Sugar-carmelizer Light.
Hmmmm…..Do I fire up the Webber grill or use the Ultimate Steak Light for grilling a Petite Filet Mignon on Saturday?

My wife wants to stay home and watch a movie tonight. I thought of making popcorn with the Ultimate Snack Light to surprise her. Maybe graham crackers, chocolate and roasted marshmallows with the Ultimate S'More's Light. It's tough to decide. I'll let you all know tomorrow how good the movie was.

Anyway, what a day!
To me, this USL of Bill's is quickly becoming the Ultimate "Sorry" Light…
Sorry I told it
Sorry I showed it
Sorry I sold it ( Surprise! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/party.gif)
Sorry I didn't get in on this Group Buy.

This is truly the ULTIMATE STEAL of a LIGHT.
Those of you signed up are in for a REAL TREAT with this project! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thumbsup.gif

Original posting: April 1st, 2005

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/paypal.gif 1-Ultimate S'More's Light /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

All very good stories.

I told a story back in 2002 about an encounter I had envolving a flashlight.

Anybody want to hear an oldie?

-----------

- Jeff

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

YES, MORE , more

Re: B.S. your way into Hall of Light fame for fun

OK.

Back in the old days it was very difficult to obtain a modified light. When I finally got one I offered some words about my impression of it. It was the first time I had seen a 1 watt luxeon or a collimator.

Yes sir, *squenches up happy eyes, scratches non-existent beard* I believe it was back in aught two; November as I recall.

Sad LGI Review:

After months of trying, I finally got a confirmation on a PO submitted by my bot program for the much sought after LGI.

The package arrived yesterday at my office. I thought I might be mistaken in my perception that the package had no weight so I measure it on a postal meter and got a negative .05 reading. IOW it had negative gravity.

I went ahead and opened the package and, sure enough, there was a LGI inside.

Upon inspection, I noticed that it had a strange reflector that I had to see by itself. When I took it out I was astonished to find that there was no reflective material on the conical shaped, clear jewel. I was concerned. How could this thing reflect without reflective material? I still don't know.

Proceeding further I retrieved the 3, somewhat used, Titanium AA s I had stashed in my brief case the day before and loaded up the LGI. Only looking for a good light for rendition in close up work and maybe some late night walking excursions through the forest; I wasn't expecting much. I aimed the wand under my desk and clicked the tailcap switch and… poop. A wimpy whitish baby-blue light meagerly flopped onto the carpet. Could I have over estimated how the LGI might be able perform? Apparently so.

It was the end of the day and I was somewhat dejected. I shuffled myself out to my truck. At least I had the Leonid meteor shower to look forward too. Oh yeah, and that Walgreen's battery sale. I went to Walgreen's, stripped the AA s from the display, purchased them along with other various goods and returned to the truck. Well, you know I had to, so I loaded up the sad little lgi with the drugstore batteries. I hit the tailcap switch and KAPOW! The truck was filled with beautiful white light. It was like there were 11 full moons shining. The light did not make me squint. It was pleasing. It brought details out that were captivating. I could see the structure of every flake of ash in the ashtray. Dust on everything in my recently detailed vehicle.

Hours went by as I shown the ultra-moonbeam on anything and everything I came across. Before I knew it, it was time to go to the country to observe the meteors.

I cruised into the Ouachita National Forest to a higher elevation. My anticipation was great as I thought about the falling stars I was about to see. I arrived at my observation 'mountain', parked and got out of the truck. The temp was unseasonably warm, about 55 degrees. The smell of fresh-fallen leaves, pine needles and clear air had settled gently. Nobody for miles. Yes.

I grabbed my pack and began to slowly hike into the woods that surround this 1500-ft., flat-top ridge. As I shown the LGI before me I was enthralled with how it brought out the colors of the autumn hued carpet of leaves. Walking more slowly than usual, I took in detailed sights I had never seen at night before. Large spider webs had still residents sparkling their eyes back at me. Bugs of all types became evident in the amazing light. An armadillo glared at me with the same color of my light. More and more critters let themselves be seen in the stunning, alien beam.

I continued for a couple of hundred yards and began to ascend the ridge. It was great. Alone, miles from civilization trekking with an amazing light leading the way. Then I heard it… the sickly sound of a low toned, bellowing creature. There are black bear and pumas in these woods. I patted for my pistol and it was there at the ready. OK, I'm cool. I've been here before. Then the creature painfully wailed a warning sound. I did not know that sound. I did not like it. What was this strange beast? What did it look like? I began to carefully back off. I decided it would be best to get back to the truck. As I moved through the forest I would occasionally check behind me from where the creature had screamed. I saw and heard nothing else.

I was happy to have the LGI with me as I retraced my steps. I started to notice even more varieties of plants. Many of these plants I could not identify. Some of the flora where flowering with wildly colorful iris and orchid-like fruition. I continued toward the safety of the truck. The plants became thicker. Many had seeds hanging. I began to think I might be lost. I wasn't lost. 'I recognize these old-growth hardwoods.' A few of the plants had pods. Some of them had very large pods. A few had huge Venus fly traps. I think some of them were moving. My pace quickened. My heart rate quickened. More and more of the plants seemed to be moving. I began to see a pattern. Everywhere I had previously shown the LGI had profuse, unidentifiable growth. I think some of them were looking at me.

I was so glad to finally see my truck. As I approached it most of the fear left me. Whewwww. 'Man, that was strange.' I got my coffee thermos, poured a cup and sipped while I smoked a cigarette…admittedly trembling a little. With my LGI lying on the hard tonneau truck bed cover and protectively shining back to the woods, I relaxed. Finally, I saw the first one. A pea sized meteor streaked across the sky. Then another and another; then two at the same time. My LGI scooted a little bit across the hard bed cover. Not rolled but scooted, tailcap first. With some effort, I returned it to its' place.

The show was on. More and more meteors scorched the ionosphere…three at a time, seven at a time. "Wow!" a multi-colored one. "Whoah!" a slow moving one leaving a vapor trail. The LGI rattled a little and moved forward on the tonneau without marring the finish of the black truck. With some force, I placed it back where I wanted it. I poured a little more coffee and lit a fresh Marlboro. I leaned back to remain entranced with the spectral event above me. Hundreds of blue-white tracers were showering the skies. "Oh My!" two meteors changing colors, side-by-side. One of them stopped and glowed brighter. It seemed to be about 25 mi. out at around angles 17,000. Now two blues and a green showed up in the eastern sky and hovered. The LGI wiggled its' way across the truck and stopped. I tried to replace it and could not. It seemed to have some kind of magnetic force. I didn't really concern myself with it. The meteors were streaking and hovering and making close passes. It was unbelievable!

Then the wildest thing happened. The LGI began to rattle and then dance on the truck bed cover. I grabbed it but it was way too strong. It had a photonic force that was incredible. It seemed to know what it wanted to do and had I held on, it would have surely carried me with it. I let go. It shot into the woods through the strange plants and then straight up into the sky like a rocket! It grouped up with some of the more colorful meteors and headed west. The show above stopped suddenly. No more meteors. No more flashlight.

The skies went back to normal. The charged atmosphere went back to normal, except for that sound. That sound. It was a group of booming digital bass sounds from above and to the west. I recognized it. It was the first five notes from the theme to 'Close Encounters'. "Yeesh!" When the echoes had subsided I stood there, absorbed only by the aroma of the forest and dead, still silence. Then, from the ridge top, in a baritone voice, the creature bellowed out its' reply: the first five notes from 'Close Encounters'.

In a cloud of dust and flying debris me and my truck plowed out of there, hit the black-top, both of us squealing, and did not slow down until I saw city lights.

Well, you may be wondering what happened to the flashlight. Me too. Though I'm sure I can't afford the shipping charges, I would like it back. If I don't get it back, well…that's OK too. I have gained more than you might know from the experience. I can now solve complex equations with no effort. I can converse in 47 languages and dialects. I can play most musical instruments and I'm typing this review while I'm asleep on the couch.

Bottom line: If you ever have the opportunity to get an LGI; get one. They are out of this world!

----------

- Jeff