Here is my Class 4 entry in the H&M flashlight contest that BC0311 (Britt) started:
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The Life Cycle of a Pink Plastic Toilet: Turning a toilet into a Toylet
1: Start with a trip to Right-Aid a few weeks before any Christmas. Pick up their
Pink Plastic Toliet piggybank (with digitised flushing sound!), and remove it from the base. Place the base on the floor, and stomp on it with spiked golf shoes until the pieces are small enough to go up the vaccuummnne. Unscrew the cover on the back of the cistern. If the screws are stuck, use a Dremel with a cutoff wheel; if you don't have a Dremel, then drill those suckers out.
Solder up a Luxeon Star /O (I chose yellow for the
Toylet) to a length of heavy-gauge zip cord and shove it up through the trap and into the bowl. Be sure the lens pops off the LS at least three times, and gets stuck in the
Toylet's trap at least once. If you have deep pockets, be sure to cram it in there so forcefully that you end up breaking at least one LS, so that you'll have to go make up another and start all over.
Yank firmly on the wires until the LS's PCB becomes lodged in the waste opening, thus clogging the
Toylet. The LS is now "secure".
Cut some of those colored wires you find in the cistern. Using a 200 watt Weller gun with a broken tip, solder one of the LS leads to one of the wires that looks like its going to the flush handle switch. Solder the other to the battery holder, and solder the remaining switch wire to the remaining battery post. Use
plenty of solder; a good rule of thumb is to use 4" to 6" of heavy-gauge rosin or acid core solder per connection. Ensure that the soldering gun slips at least once and burns a hole in your shirt or in the
Toylet itself. Be sure to lean in really close and inhale lots of burning flux.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm... fluuuuuuuuuuxxxxx...
Tape up the wires, using gobs of black electrical tape. Don't bother with resistors, diodes, or any of those other little colored things with wires sticking out the ends, and don't bother to solder anything else back together unless that's what turns your crank.
Test "flush" of the
Toylet before screwing all the pieces back together. Looks like electric piss. At least it has the right color. When affixing the two halves of the cistern back together, be sure you pinch at least one of the wires hard enough to cut it, so you have to go back inside and make repairs.
Finally the vaccume you've alwa.... o wait, wrong infomercial!!
Finally, the
Toylet lives!
Beware of the
Toylet.
Flush the
Toylet.
Fear the
Toylet!!!
Stomp on the
Toylet!!!
A shot of the
Toylet splattering my ceiling with its urine-colored "light".
Important notes:
1: Do not "flush" the
Toylet after midnight.
2: Do not expose the
Toylet to light.
3: Do not expose the
Toylet to water.
If you fail to comply with these three points, the good
Toylet will go bad, and come at you with a sharpened plunger handle and a rusty fire axe. Only a silver Duracell can kill the
Toylet if this has occurred.
Class 4: The Toylet
Linear Mode
