depression sucks. as a catholic im told suicide is a sin

raggie33

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But most days of my life are pretty difficult. i seldem have good days . i dont want a lot but id like to have a life thats better then i have. im 50 and im bullied offline .it has got so bad .i kind of want to just leave my home go into woods and avoid humans.. i wont take my life at this point so dont call 911. but i do want to have some joy. i cant go outisde most days. im a punching bag for most humans. i only have my feline freinds..i may sound weak and perhaps i am but being bullied is not a easy life. sure i can fight back .but i dont want to harm anyone with words or actions
 

thermal guy

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But most days of my life are pretty difficult. i seldem have good days . i dont want a lot but id like to have a life thats better then i have. im 50 and im bullied offline .it has got so bad .i kind of want to just leave my home go into woods and avoid humans.. i wont take my life at this point so dont call 911. but i do want to have some joy. i cant go outisde most days. im a punching bag for most humans. i only have my feline freinds..i may sound weak and perhaps i am but being bullied is not a easy life. sure i can fight back .but i dont want to harm anyone with words or actions
I feel for you! But if you know what the problem is you can always work on it or fix it. Never to late to change. may not be easy but people will only treat you how you let them. Don’t let them. Baby steps my friend. Baby steps.
 

dotCPF

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This world takes it's hardest toll on good people. By all accounts you sound like a good person Raggie.

You are certainly amongst friends here, I have for years enjoyed your presence online. I certainly speak for all of us when I say that nobody here would want any sort of harm come to another member. I have long battled myself in many similar ways. Please anyone reach out if you need a voice.

We all ought to be lights for one another, first and foremost.
 

chip100t

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Hi Raggie, I am roughly the same age and live alone. The consequences of several years of being a 24 hour live in carer for my best friend up untill he passed is I now suffer with depression. And a few years ago I had a run in with the local youth mafia because I stood up to them which meant for a while my home and I were the target of some abuse and minor vandalism.

I took the advice of others to not rise (against my gut reaction) to the abuse as that is what they want ( I stood my ground but did it calmly and softly spoken without losing my poop.) and they would get bored and it would eventually stop, and it did.

I have not been on the forum long but value you and your contributions to the forum and always read your posts as they are very entertaining.

Whatever troubles you are going through feel free to share them if you wish as often getting things off your chest can help a lot.
 

Hooked on Fenix

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I’m sorry you’re going through such hard times. I was bullied by a gang of potheads when I was a teenager. It got so bad, 10 or so of them surrounded me and gave me a severe beating. They gave me a black eye and broke my cheek bone. I had two of them arrested. The others got away. I started Tang Soo Do to learn how to defend myself. What I learned was much more than how to beat people up. I learned how to treat people with respect. I made friends, and traveling in a group, I was no longer an easy target for bullying. I gained confidence and self-respect so when I walked down the street, my eyes were up instead of down and I had better situational awareness. I no longer looked like an easy target. Bullies are actually lazy and weak. They pick off what looks like an easy target. Don’t look like one, and they’ll find someone else to pick on. As for your depression and anxiety, I’ll offer Matthew 6:25-34 of the Bible: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all of his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
 

jtr1962

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You're not alone. I've had mostly bad times in my life. Even lately, for the last six years, I've been mostly homebound taking care of my mom. It's been depressing seeing someone end up a shell of their former self. Then of course this pandemic put depression into overdrive for a lot of people, even those who never dealt with depression before.

I was bullied in grade school and middle school by two jerks. In general bullies have low self-esteem. It builds them up when they belittle others. By 7th grade I had enough. Snuck up on one of the bullies when they were alone, put a piece of rebar to his skull. He lived but I think he was in the hospital for a few weeks. He never even saw me coming, and nobody else saw it. Fortunate for me, or there might have been legal consequences. I'm only saying that because I don't recommend you do what I did. I was a juvenile, so even if I were caught I would have gotten off easy. And it was the 1970s when they often didn't even prosecute stuff like that because the justice system was overwhelmed with far more serious crimes. Just for context, a few years earlier in the housing project where I lived some older kids took matters into their own hands with another pair of bullies who were terrorizing the elderly and others. They bought them up to the roof, and they sent them down the short way. I didn't see it personally but that's what I heard. Nobody who lived there saw anything, everyone was happy those two were gone for good. So the cops dropped what was already a half-hearted investigation. Shows how bad things were back then. Doing the same thing now as an adult could have bad consequences. So now I wouldn't do it, except in self-defense. Anyway, after that I was never bothered. The entire school, including the bullies, knew I did it, even though nobody could prove anything. Didn't have any trouble after that. I also learned to keep aware of my surroundings, and to make myself appear threatening if need be, so it would never happen again. It's a good idea for you to learn to do that at least. If you act like a victim, you'll often become one. That's who bullies like to prey on.

On suicide, I tried it once. Not fun. I was in my third year of college. I had been pursuing a girl I cared about a lot the prior year. For a bunch of reasons, everything went south. I was in a chronic depression from that point on, just going through the motions of life. In retrospect, I was also burned out from my course load at college. I was commuting to school at the time. Didn't care for staying in the dorms, and we didn't have the money for it anyway. One day I decided I just couldn't go on. Left anything which could identify me at home, went to school for classes as usual. My plan was on the way back to throw myself in front of an express train at Princeton Junction. For those not familiar, Amtrak trains that skip that stop come through at 125 mph or more. I figured with a good hit not much would be left, certainly not enough to identify me. My family would probably think I was missing, have some hope I might return for a while, and then eventually just accept it and get on with their lives. Much easier than knowing with certainty I died, especially at my own hand. Anyway, the train I planned to use came through at only about 60 mph. Probably congestion up ahead or something. Too slow. I figured just wait for the next one but after a few minutes I got violently ill. I thought if not for that, I'd be gone now. So I went home, and never looked back. I took the next year off from school, realizing that my burned out condition doubtless caused my rash decision. Came back for senior year. I won't lie and say it was great. It wasn't. I was still depressed but I was able to cope much better. In fact, coping skills are what is most important since you often can't control what life throws at you. Sure, I was depressed about that girl for years. I still think about her almost every day. But I got on with my life. Still lots for me to do in this world.

The other side effect of the episode above was ever since then I don't fear death. I'd love to live forever, but once one comes that close to death they realize the narrow boundary between life and death. As paradoxical as it sounds, this actually has let me live a safer life. I never deny the possibility of death like many do, but at the same time being aware of it causes me to take precautions to avoid it which many others won't. How I've dealt with covid is a good example. I don't live in fear, but I realize there are certain steps I need to take to minimize my chances of contracting it. Same thing when I ride my bike. Always assume everyone will do the worst thing at the worst possible time, and leave myself an out in case that happens.
 

Olumin

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I feel for you! But if you know what the problem is you can always work on it or fix it. Never to late to change. may not be easy but people will only treat you how you let them. Don’t let them. Baby steps my friend. Baby steps.
Knowing what the problem is does not necessarily help to solve it. In fact, it can sometimes make it more difficult.
 

bykfixer

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I see it……it's the future……raggie33 new screen name "karate kidd"

Learn kubaton and never worry about being arrested for carrying ordinary household things like an inkpen, keys to your home, a spoon…etc. Plus you meet new cool people in person or online. People who can honestly say nobody bothers them anymore.

My son struggles with depression in winter. This year he's learning to play a piano so he can play Charlie Brown music like Schroeder does.
 

Olumin

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So you’re saying ignorance is bliss?
Much mental illness is caused by parts of ourselves we do not accept. Having all your faults & mistakes laid out in front of you may only further hurt ones self image.

The only advice I can give, it is that no one can help you before you do not help yourself.
 

thermal guy

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Yes but again you can’t fix yourself if you don’t know what’s wrong. It’s the first set to mental and physical well being.
 

Poppy

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. im a punching bag for most humans. i only have my feline freinds..i may sound weak and perhaps i am but being bullied is not a easy life. sure i can fight back .but i dont want to harm anyone with words or actions
The interesting thing is that if you become proficient in martial arts, you can defend yourself, and bring an end to the confrontation without harming anyone. There are multiple, multiple submission holds. Often they give the threat of a joint misalignment, and that is enough, but if you have to follow through because the guy is an animal, well then it is his choice, you just have to follow through.

As it has already been said, How you carry yourself, will to a great extent determine if you will be a target or not. With training, you'll gain self confidence that will shine through as you walk down the street. If you let it.

Kubotan training is a good idea. You can use a 2AA Maglite as a kubotan. With it you can drive a man to his knees, without causing any permanent damage.

At 50 years old you are still young enough to be able to learn how to end a fight without causing permanent injury. At 60 you'll probably have to disable him to end it. Once you end a fight or two, there will be no bullying.
 

Hooked on Fenix

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Putting someone in an armbar, torturing their hand, or elbow work great if it's one on one. If it's two or more attackers, tying up your hands means you have no guards up to keep from getting hit (unless you can somehow use the held attacker as a shield). That's when you have to make the tough choices. Do you hurt someone else to get away, and how much force will that take? You can flip them, but that may take some training in Judo or Hapkido. Short of an all out fist fight, you can strike the nerves centered on the inside of the upper part of the leg to disable the leg or strike at the center of the bottom part of the upper arm to disable the arm. You may have seen this method in the Cobra Kai T.V. series. This leaves no more than a bruise but gives you plenty of time to escape with minimal damage done. However, if you have no training in how to block, you'll probably get hit first. When surrounded, the best way out is to knock one bad guy down, run through the gap they left, and go get help. I would caution against putting yourself in these situations at all without proper training, and suggest at least for now to stay in a group, keep your head up, and carry pepper spray. Also try to find enjoyment in life so you aren't beating yourself up.

Here's a video of the Cobra Kai t.v. series with the pressure point method of disabling the arms and legs without causing serious damage.
 

dotCPF

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Yes but again you can’t fix yourself if you don’t know what’s wrong. It’s the first set to mental and physical well being.

Olumin's point and yours are indeed the same- just spoken from different perspectives. Understanding the problem is key, but it is also often the most difficult part to confront and deal with. Ignorance IS bliss- but bliss in the context of this idiom implies total unawareness. If you are in pain, you are aware, you just may not know or want to know the exact problem. In reality, you cannot attain true bliss if you are wholly ignorant of your mindfulness, as you will never truly be comfortable. Interestingly, mindfulness is SUPER important in martial arts, martial arts are basically "mindful muscle memory" defense/ exercises.


Looking forwards to the next Raggie thread, all my photons that there is more sunshine in it for you!

:)

<3
 
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