depression sucks. as a catholic im told suicide is a sin

KITROBASKIN

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That bullying thing is just horrible, and really hurts a person's outlook on life. I'm so sorry it is happening to you.

So wishing we could provide some strategy to lessen it, but hard to say from such a distance. Maybe describe your hurt to your attackers? Though that could backfire, because sometimes strength and confidence are what's needed. If you feel you are in danger, the police should be notified (but that may be fruitless).

Sorry for your situation.
 

Quillz

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Hang in there Raggie! Remember it’s always the darkest before dawn. Like it’s been said, you have friends here. Chin up Raggie! Things will get better!
 

Hooked on Fenix

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Maybe describe your hurt to your attackers? Though that could backfire, because sometimes strength and confidence are what's needed.
I used to tell my martial arts students to never say ow during a fight. It tells the bad guy where to hit you next. Weakness encourages violence. Confidence and strength discourage it.
 

chillinn

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Raggie, I have something for you. Sunlight regulates mood. The more sunlight you get in your eyes, the more your mood will be elevated. There is less sun in Winter, believed to be the cause of "Winter Doldrums."

Figure out exactly when the sun rises where you are, not necessarily the actual sunrise, but when you can see the sun directly. Bundle up and meet the dawn, and get yourself at least an hour of direct sunlight every day you can. If it's too cold, figure out if you have a window where direct sunlight enters and when that happens and for how long. Lie down there and close your eyes with the sun on your face. Do this religiously. You will feel better.

Conversely, if you just can't get to the sun, use your flashlights. Close your eyes, and shine them right on your face from point blank range until you feel legitimately silly. I find incans work best, but probably just bias... white light is white light.

The blue light (in sunlight or computing device) will reset circadian rhythms, so if you're sleep is off, be aware. If you see the sunrise, your clock will reset and you'll fall asleep that evening, or if you just get morning light in your eyes after waking. Sleep patterns are closely related to mood as well... but it's a strange thing: not enough sleep depresses mood, too much sleep depresses mood, while a few days of sleep deprivation will simultaneously elevate mood but will also tend to make one feel like crap the longer the deprivation continues, and just the right amount of sleep... 6-9 hours, and a good night's sleep, regularly, will help maintain mood.

Try not to dwell on your mood. Pretend you are your own friend and distract yourself... keep busy. Equipped with these simple tips regarding sunlight, blue light and sleep patterns, you'll be on top of the world in no time.
 

JimIslander

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Raggie, do what is necessary to improve your life. Few, if any, people will/can care more than you, because they can't live through your experiences.

Identify the negatives in your life and work to minimize or eliminate them. Identify what makes you happy and work toward experiencing more of that. YOU DO something each day to improve your life.

Try this for a couple of months and let us know how it is working for you.

NOTE: The advice on sunlight was good. Also, exercise is a fantastic mood enhancer. Even just a 10 minute walk a few times a week can change your life. Make it a habit for 2022. In fact, having said that, I'm going to go for a 10 minute walk in the sun with my shirt off right now! We're in coastal South Carolina, so it's almost 60 degrees and clear. I'm not into discomfort. :)
 

raggie33

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Ty everyone I'm doing a bit better lost my psychologists a year or so had no meds for a bit. Since I'm way smaller then other humans I've been bullied a lot in my life. I think I told you all thus story before but as a kid in school I was bullied to. But one day I fought back knocked bully on his *** at school and they threw me out of school for a while ANd I never went back. They hate me here because I'm not a trump voter and I'm shy
 

Chauncey Gardiner

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Hey chillinn,

Welcome back! Haven't seen you around for a while. Great post / advice. 👍

My high 80s mother recently told me she is more depressed lately than she can remember being. I purchased a natural light therapy device for her years back. Mom hates the dreary winter months. I'm reminded by your advice to ask mom if she's been using her natural light. I did advise her to turn off the news. Mom keeps it on in the background pretty much all day. That's not gunna be good for anybody.
 

raggie33

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I do have some.smart led.bulbs that can mimic any sunlight tint it can even be set to mimic the sun in levels like if the sun is riseing
 

scout24

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Hang in there, raggie. Sending some positive energy your way. Curious- Have you named your feline friends? How many are there?
 

nbp

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One helpful thing I have done at times is to take a sheet of paper and before bed write down three things from the day that I was thankful for or enjoyed or liked. It can be anything from laughing at joke, a sunset, seeing an animal, visiting a friend, getting your favorite pizza, anything.

The benefits are several. One, you are actively thinking about good things right before sleep so you will probably sleep better, and sleep is critical for mental health. Two, you will be helped to realize that every day there are some good things to be grateful for. And three, when I knew that I had to have three things ready by bedtime, I started to actively look for the good things through the day so I had something to write down later, so I had to be more proactive about seeing the positive side of things. I found it to be a helpful and healthful exercise.
 

Poppy

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Ty everyone I'm doing a bit better lost my psychologists a year or so had no meds for a bit. Since I'm way smaller then other humans I've been bullied a lot in my life. I think I told you all thus story before but as a kid in school I was bullied to. But one day I fought back knocked bully on his *** at school and they threw me out of school for a while ANd I never went back. They hate me here because I'm not a trump voter and I'm shy
raggie,
Through Medicaid, you should be able to get another Psychiatrist and get back on your meds.
Have him/her recommend a psychologist for you to work with.
Covid has put a LOT of people on their back end. IF you have Medicaid, or traditional insurance, there often is no co-insurance due to covid.

You got a lot of good advice here, but get yourself personalized professional help. You'd been there before, and know it helped. It's up to up you... just do it!
 

neutralwhite

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I know sometimes it gets so dark you can't see your way out. I know it hurts so much that giving up feels like the only option. You've been down so long it's hard to believe you'll ever get back up again. Just take a deep breathe, you have air in your lungs and that means you're still here. You're still alive and as long as you are breathing you can still fight. You might feel lost, but God knows exactly where you are. He's with you and He'll never leave you. So tell the voices in your head, tell that depression, tell that addiction, tell those fears and insecurities to kick rocks because you ain't a quitter. You ain't a victim, you're a VICTOR. Your life has purpose. Your darkest days will bring you to your brightest future. Your struggle won't break you, it's building you. Keep breathing, keep fighting and thank God what should have took you out, didn't. I'm praying for you.
 

greenpondmike

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A long time ago we had some bullies-- the Vining brothers were a family of bullies. One time a carload of them started making fun of a midget that was walking down the road. He got tired of it and dove into one of the windows. After all the hitting, kicking and biting he got out and walked on. He had whooped the entire carload of them and was the right size to have the leverage to do it.

Small in size don't have to mean weak or docile. My wife is 5 ft 2 and I pity the woman that would come onto me in her presence.

Usually you have to make a bully stop their bullying or try to avoid them. They want an easy target. You might have to take self defence classes. That will help you to respect yourself and maybe that depression will be way less. It would depress me if I was bullied.

My opinion of smaller folks is not to mess with them because they usually are a powder keg of attitude-- whether it be a man, woman or even a banty chicken. They are known to open up a can of whoop butt on larger folks.

By the way, I'm a Trump supporter and I count you as a friend raggie33.
 

Lumen83

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For whatever it is worth, we all love reading your posts and threads, here. And you've got a lot of people all over the world here that are your friends. I don't know your situation or what you are going through, but like so many others I've had a lot of really difficult times in my life. And I can tell you that all of them have gotten better. No matter how much that seemed impossible at the time. Some times you just have to pull back a bit, go through the day to day motions, and just find the little things that make you happy to focus on. You don't have to tackle all of the problems facing you all at once. Just a tiny bit at a time is progress, and save plenty of time for the things that bring you a sense of happiness and peace.
 

KITROBASKIN

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Great to hear from Kestrel! Hoping all is well.
On a similar note:
raggie, years ago we had a coworker who was reportedly estranged from his wife, had a drinking and gambling problem, and was often bitter. He was a catholic and prepared for his death before taking his own life. I went to the church service that preceded the burial. The priest told us how the coworker chose the music and the words spoken. I saw no condemnation from the priest or congregation. This is in no way a promotion of suicide, but a statement of what I saw.
 
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