Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

Fallingwater

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I keep reading post of people who evidently have problems with their significant others and their hobbies.

I know not everybody can understand why we buy a lot of lights (or RC models, or audio equipment, or whatever your hobby is), but I'm always puzzled when someone says they have to argue and/or fight with their SO to convince them to let them buy more of what they like.

I can't help but think that if I had a SO who nagged me about my hobbies (which I don't, luckily) my standard answer would be "the money is mine and I'll spend it on whatever I darn well please".

The right of buying stuff we like should be innate and always with us as long as we can afford to do so. I don't understand how some people can consciously give that right up.

Discuss.
 

FlashSpyJ

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

:clap: I hear ya! I feel the same! I do have sombody living with me... I dont really tell her that I have bought another light, she cant tell them apart anyway, so I dont take them out all at once. She does feel that its a waste of money, but its my hobby, she buys shoes and other meaningless stuff :)
 

Fallingwater

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

I dont really tell her that I have bought another light, she cant tell them apart anyway, so I dont take them out all at once
Why do you feel the need to actively hide what you buy?
My point is that we (you) should be able to buy what we like and do whatever we want with it, including make a pretty display on our nightstand (I'm just saying).
Having to hide your purchases means you don't have that right.
 

Illum

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

Why do you feel the need to actively hide what you buy?

same thing as not letting others around you your buying "A films", "orange" comics, or condoms...its not necessarily justifiable as absolutely right or wrong, but theres always the sense of caution that whatever you buy may soon or later arise with an argument.:(:ironic:

it also depends on the individuals sense of value. given that flashaholicism is one of the least understood concept of value, no amount of reasoning or logic can avoid non-flashaholics from feeling that your wasting money..etc.:shakehead Heck...I get yelled at more about buying $40 flashlights than about buying $140 stamps for my collection....it really depends on who your talking to:)
 

StuToffee

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

My gal used to pass comment on the amount I spend on knives/lights/packs/bags etc until I asked her how much her Louis Vuitton bag cost her.
Funnily enough, she rarely mentions "the cost" of things now.:D

Incidentally, her bag cost about £800!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Nearly $1600!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
 

gadget_lover

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

Some folks just disagree about whether the family can afford the purchase or not. I have a son who is willing to scrimp on lunches to buy the latest video games. His wife is willing to scrimp on video games in able to afford nice lunches. They accomodate each other.

My solution is simple. I set aside a few percent of my take home pay in a "toy account". What ever I buy with those funds is guilt free. It's already in the budget so no-one is inconvenienced by the purchase. If I get busy and don't buy anything for a while (it happens) I end up with a balance large enough to buy the custom light of my choice.

On the other hand, My wife bought me my first 4 ARC flashlights as gifts, so I'm kind of blessed.

Daniel
 

Flying Turtle

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

Gadget_lover has it right. You've got to agree to some amount of money/allowance that each of you get to spend as you want, no questions asked. Large purchases need to be discussed by both and agreed upon, or you're asking for trouble.

Geoff
 

Fallingwater

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

I don't think flashlights qualify as "large purchases", unless you're in the habit of regularly buying big-*** HID lamps...

StuToffee: you mean there's actually someone in the normal world that actually buys the real, genuine Louis Vuitton bags? O_O

I thought it was just a thing for Hollywood celebrities, and normal mortals just bought the $10 knockoffs.
 

PhantomPhoton

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

I'm not yet blessed with a SO, but I definitely wouldn't be able to hide my flashlight fetish. It is a part of who I am, and as long as I buy responsibly there should be no problems. For me, buying a $100+ flashlight is a significant purchase. IF I spent rent money to buy a light I should get set straight. If I decide to not eat out for 3 weeks at lunchtime in order to offset my newest toy, there should be no issue with a SO. IF I only spent extra money on myself and not on my SO, then I could see a problem there too. But as long as you do things properly... I just don't get why there would be any disagreement.
 

Norm

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

My wife encourages me to buy if it's something I really want, not just lights.
Norm
 

greenstuffs

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

If you want to have someone in your life then its the whole package, when my GF come over and visit me is just like having my mom moving in with me but we love each other and we do things as a team even tho' its her money or my money we spend it like our money.
Society is changing and the MAN of the house rol is fading we both work and both support the household so both have to have the right to decide on how to spend money wisely.
To me a dictatorship into a household only works when 1 and only 1 supports the whole family then he/she get to do whatever he/she wants like making $200k a yr in todays standards then blow your money in watches, knives, light you name it... just remember to buy her a diamond once in awhile to keep her happy. Its not always the case but i have seen it.
Money is jut like lids and necessities are like cups, there are always more cups than lids sadly :(



I keep reading post of people who evidently have problems with their significant others and their hobbies.

I know not everybody can understand why we buy a lot of lights (or RC models, or audio equipment, or whatever your hobby is), but I'm always puzzled when someone says they have to argue and/or fight with their SO to convince them to let them buy more of what they like.

I can't help but think that if I had a SO who nagged me about my hobbies (which I don't, luckily) my standard answer would be "the money is mine and I'll spend it on whatever I darn well please".

The right of buying stuff we like should be innate and always with us as long as we can afford to do so. I don't understand how some people can consciously give that right up.

Discuss.
 
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Echo63

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

i dont have to wrestle with my fiancee to buy my expensive stuff
its normally camera gear, flashlights and knives
if there is a torch/knife i want and we can afford it i get it
Lenses and stuff for my camera - requires saving for
 

swampgator

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

To me a dictatorship into a household only works when 1 and only 1 supports the whole family then he/she get to do whatever he/she wants like making $200k a yr in todays standards then blow your money in watches, knives, light you name it... just remember to buy her a diamond once in awhile to keep her happy. Its not always the case but i have seen it.

In our house I'm the only one working and I'm no dictator. The problem I have is that my wife is "no-frills" kind of girl. Her tastes aren't expensive and she doesn't have to have anything. Kinda puts me in guilt mode if I buy something expensive.

But the flashlights come in handy when the power is out.
 

jtr1962

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

I'm on both sides of the fence about this. On the one hand, if your significant other buys "toys", they shouldn't object to you buying yours. On the other hand, I'm known many people who are ultra conservative with money. They will seldom buy themselves anything. When they do they'll think about it long and hard. I fall into this camp. I recently spent about $500 fixing both my bikes. Granted, they needed it. One was practically unrideable, the other one was completely unrideable. Even so, it took three years of mulling over this, plus a genuine need, to get to this point. My rationale is that money is one of the hardest things to get in this world. It's not something to be casually wasted on things which end up as clutter in short order. Even when I do make up my mind to buy stuff, I'll shop around long and hard to get the absolute best price, even wait a bit if the price seems to be on a downward trend. I expect exactly the same behavoir were I ever to hook up with anyone. I would annoy me no end if the person casually dropped $100 or more on yet another handbag or pair of shoes which they didn't need, or spent $4 every day on a cappucino. Even if we both earned large amounts of money my basic attitude wouldn't change. I figure by being ultra conservative we could both retire earlier and still live well. Freedom from going to a job you hate is worth more than a few new toys.

All this isn't to say I wouldn't buy myself something frivolous if I really want it. My criteria is if I've been thinking about the same thing for six months, I probably really want it. And I will by myself things I need. Generally, money problems only start when one party starts to consider "wants" as "needs". It's important that you both be on the same page with finances. A free spender needs to hook up with someone similar, not someone like me. And vice versa.
 
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jtr1962

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

...just remember to buy her a diamond once in awhile to keep her happy.
That wouldn't work with some of the females I've known. Instead, they would be even more pissed at me for blowing so much money on something totally frivolous.
 

Fallingwater

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

That wouldn't work with some of the females I've known. Instead, they would be even more pissed at me for blowing so much money on something totally frivolous.
The world needs more girls who get pissed over frivolous things like diamonds.
 

havand

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Re: Having to wrestle the "right" of buying lights from your significant other

I think it's funny how different people's values are. Some people value brand new cars, some value new lights (cheaper, relatively), some value HUGE TVs. The problem is when you get two people in a relationship that value different things.




I think it should go more toward the Cambodian custom....The couple getting married exchanges circular objects. Usually she gets a ring and he gets something like a high-end watch. The American custom that a guy goes out and blows several K on a ring doesn't make sense to me. Kinda like Valentine's day being 1 way...
 
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