I need advice

[dudemar]

Hello all,

I'm in need of advice. My job is making me a walking ball of stress right now, even on my days off. My coworker treats me like garbage and my boss is too chicken to do anything about it, and as a result I get all the heat. I'm starting to look for a new job, but right now there aren't too many high paying/good tutoring jobs in my area. I'll be getting paid close to $20/hour in September, but I don't think that's even worth it.

I used to be paid $30/hour working for a different company, but I quit because it was way too much stress to handle.

I know this is a no-brainer for most, but I'm at a very confusing point in my life. I'm pretty much dead-set on finding another job, or wait until September to see if my co-worker quits or not.

Any advice would be appreciated.


Thanks,

Dudemar

 

[stitch_paradox]

Why does you coworker treat you like garbage? Start your way from there. When you find the source of his "heat" it's easier to solve the problem. Talk to him straight forward but in a civil way. In my experience if you let other tramp on you they, will tramp on you with pleasure. As long as you're not doing anything wrong you have all the right to stand up for yourself.
It's a dog eat dog world out there, even if you find another job there will always be an idiotic co worker that will always be on your tail. Play mind games on them, and most of all don't let them see that you are being affected by them, they love that and that encourages them to do more.

 

[dudemar]

Why does you coworker treat you like garbage? Start your way from there. When you find the source of his "heat" it's easier to solve the problem. Talk to him straight forward but in a civil way. In my experience if you let other tramp on you they, will tramp on you with pleasure. As long as you're not doing anything wrong you have all the right to stand up for yourself.
It's a dog eat dog world out there, even if you find another job there will always be an idiotic co worker that will always be on your tail. Play mind games on them, and most of all don't let them see that you are being affected by them, they love that and that encourages them to do more.

That's the tough part- I don't know how to play mind games. Yes, I admit to my naivety, but I'm not very socially graceful/adept. I'm a pretty shy person; and while I've learned a lot since this all started last year, I need more tools in my arsenal.

I think he does it because he knows he can- there's no one watching us. At work it's just him and me, there simply is no oversight in any way, shape or form. My bosses' idea of dealing with it is this one line: "ok, go ahead and talk to him". He has continued this apathy ever since then.

You're right, if I can somehow turn the heat on him that would make my situation better. Any suggestions on mind games/clever lines that'll throw him off?

Thanks for responding.

 

[Oddjob]

No job is worth causing so much stress that it affects you outside of work. I have been in many such situations and I all I can say is just be yourself, don't change. Tough it out and hopefully September will bring some good changes. If it get too bad, I say leave. I'm sure you will find something. Good luck!

 

[stitch_paradox]

First let me explain you boss' side. Obviously I don't know him or anything, this is just my observation based on the info you have given me. I think your boss is not playing chicken at all, it may seem to you, but I think he just wants you to handle it like you should. Like you said your co worker do what he does because he knows he can. Why ? Because you are naive, shy, and socially adept. I may be wrong, but I think your boss just wants you to stand up like a man against your coworker. I'm not your boss but that's the same advice I have given you and I know most of the people here will advice that too. If your boss would interfere, sure the "bullying" would stop... maybe for a short while, but the way your co-worker thinks about you wouldn't change at all and it might even worsen. Based on my experience wise supervisors and managers usually don't get involved in petty bickering or petty confrontations, when it gets worse thats when they step in but usually they let employees work things out through talking.

Have you tried confronting him and talking to him? Have a stern talk with him, and emphasize how you don't appreciate what he is doing to you.
And regarding your question about the mind games and cleverlines... all I can say is it takes practice! Kidding aside you have to let gt of your shyness and naiveness first, then all will come rolling in smoothly like a bowling ball in an bowling alley. And with the right words and wit you can have a strike!

 

[HoopleHead]

:thinking:

 

[dudemar]

stitch paradox:

Been there, done that. I stand up to him every opportunity I get. I also tried speaking with my coworker in a civilized fashion on multiple occasions- no go. That said I had no other option but to tell my boss- and of course he does nothing. At this point I have absolutely no option left, short of quitting or going postal on him. (I'm kidding about the postal part, of course.):naughty:

By shy I meant I'm the "shy type", you definitely can't be shy working in a school environment like I do. I just don't know how to go about dealing with incorrigible coworkers.

I agree with the part about letting my inhibitions/reservations go, whenever I do I feel more willing to stand up for myself. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, so that makes it harder for me to feel relaxed enough to be funny/witty; given my situation.

In the meantime I know there are a few CPFers on here who can pull off funny one liners! C'mon, spill the beans.:naughty:

 

[FlashKat]

What does your co-worker say or do to treat you like garbage? Give an example.

 

[stitch_paradox]

Oh I see... then your boss is also an A$$. Like what Flashkat said can you give us an example on how your co worker treat you?

 

[RyanA]

Start lifting weights. Ask him if he's ever had his poo pushed in.
I solve ALL problems with coworkers via threats of rape.
I'm just kidding. Please don't do that.
Eventually this person is going to need your help. No one is superman. Just help them out. Unless they're a total D-bag they'll realize they owe you consideration at the very least. If they're the kind of person who just expects help and doesn't appreciate it leave em hanging, make sure they know it's because they've stepped on your toes to many times. You'd be surprised how ignoring some people sets them to approval seeking mode. I do that with a lot of people I don't like, just ignore every other sentence or so.(Behaviorism - variable reward schedule) most people speak in the expectation of a response, so think of a response as a scooby snack. If they don't get one they'll likely spend a lot of time thinking about why they haven't. Anyways, probably not the best long term solution, but it might get you through the summer.

 

[dudemar]

Here's an example. Since we share duties, sometimes we have to make copies of documents for the both of us to use. Now keep in mind I'm not allowed to make a scene in front of the kids, nor do I want to. I try my best to keep it to a minimum, and I think that's what my coworker takes advantage of.

(DM = Dudemar, CW = Coworker):

DM: Hi CW, could you do me a favor? Can you please make a few copies? We're running out.

CW: No.

DM: Excuse me?

CW: Why should I? Do it yourself. (At this point he's talking on his iPhone).

DM: I'm not sure if you noticed, but I'm extremely busy at the moment. I would appreciate it if you can do me this favor. (I'm trying to get 10 nine-year-olds to do their homework)

CW: What difference does it make? Why should I do it? I'm here, and you're here, we are both in the same position, so you can do it. (still talking on his iPhone)

DM: Are you serious? You can't take a minute to do me a favor?

At this point I don't want to make a scene in front of the kids/teachers, so I stop right there. He's a college kid, so I guess this kind of behavior should be expected.

Another scenario would be at the end of the day. I try to tell him one of my frustrations I had with him that day. Here's an example:

DM: So your kids made a mess at their table, and they didn't clean it up.

CW: That's not my mess. (he's playing dumb)

DM: My kids never sit at that table.

CW: It's not my mess.

DM: So who's is it, Casper's? (the ghost)

CW: It's not mine, your kids must have sat there today.

DM: You've got to be kidding, right?

CW: MY KIDS WERE OVER THERE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR KIDS WERE TODAY. IT'S NOT MY MESS. (yes, he yells across the room)

...you get the idea. He will wrangle every situation to avoid responsibility, and then push it on to me.

I know this will sound kinda strange, but I'll mention it anyway. The other day I was watching this program on tv about Tai Chi. It was about how one can direct the flow of chi (energy) to work in their favor. Instead of quitting my job, if I somehow learn to direct the energies of my coworker and boss to my favor, then this should all be cake. I really want to learn how to do this. I know this isn't necessarily Tai Chi (I've taken it before), but I know the concept is somewhere along those lines.

 

[jzmtl]

Stop taking responsibility for him, if he doesn't do them leave them undone.

 

[RyanA]

Stop taking responsibility for him, if he doesn't do them leave them undone.

+1, just let your boss know you're not going to clean up when he drops the ball anymore.

 

[dudemar]

Stop taking responsibility for him, if he doesn't do them leave them undone.

It's a 2-way street. In the first example if neither of us print out the documents, then I can't do my job (and neither can he). He often argues when there's an immediate need for said documents, so I'm screwed two-fold.

My point is he'll do anything to avoid responsibility, even if that means making the both of us look incompetent in front of school administrators.:shakehead That's where he's crossing the line- he's damaging my reputation too. I'll definitely try out RyanA's idea of ignoring him, it's something that will come in really handy. That was really helpful, any more ideas?

The second example is the exception, and I don't put up with it. I guess that wasn't the best example, but I'm really tired from dealing with all this stuff today. Let's say I gave my boss my 2 cents. It's about time he takes some responsibility.

 

[jzmtl]

In your first example, what if you print it out but not allow him to use it, tell him he can get his own.

 

[dudemar]

That's exactly what I was thinking! It will be cumbersome to bring it in every day, but worth it.:twothumbs Thanks for the advice!!!:naughty: Got any more great ideas?

 

[Robocop]

I have to tell you dudemar that if you allow this person to continue to dictate how you perform your duties you will continue to be a victim your entire life. I say this in a respectful manner however you say yourself you are a shy person and not socially adept. If this is the case you will find yourself facing this situation most of your life.

Sadly the stronger have always victimized the weak and each day you simply allow this behavior you send a message to this man. You do not have to resort to violence or even loud words however you will have to become more strong in your nature. Do your job completely and do it well however document every event. Write down times and dates you have complained to the management.

Begin doing only your part and advise your employer you are no longer doing any extra due to others failures. Make sure and explain your new stance to the co-worker and do so nicely however be firm. Simply refuse to do any favors for him and keep it on a professional level only. Play his own game against him and again document each day your duties and any negatives.

Basically remain a professional and keep your integrity intact while standing up for yourself. If his children make a mess refuse to clean it up. If he attempts to make you look foolish to your employer fall back on your past complaints and documentation. Do not hesitate to speak your mind and notify the employer that he is a liability issue and hampers production of other employees.

Tough situation no matter how you look at it. I will say once a man like this is found they almost never suddenly start acting better simply because they are asked to do so.....they will often change if they have no other options however.

 

[LED-holic]

IMHO you need to document incidents that happen just like what you told us.

Keep a daily events log of stuff that he pulls.

After a month of activity like this, present your boss with the activity log of the junk your co-worker is pulling.

If your boss does nothing, go to HR department, and go to your bosses' boss.

By keeping diligent records of the lazy / anti-social behavior of your co-worker, you will be able to reveal why he is such a terrible employee.

Good luck.

 

[LED-holic]

wow, Robocop and I basically posted the same thing at the same time.

Great minds think alike.



PS - while your co-worker is being a jerk to you, be as sweet as possible to him. It will make the difference in attitudes stand out in stark contrast to the management. Don't do his chores / duties, but just be a nice person to him.

 

[jzmtl]

Can you get a digital voice recorder and record it whenever he's being an ***? Not sure about it from legal point of view since I recall some place you need consent from both parties for recording.