Man charged with felony assault for shining flashlight at officer

[jtr1962]

You need help, and of all the places in the world, you are likely smack dab in the best place to get it-NYC. If your sibs won't take Mom in, then you need to relocate her to a care center. There are social programs (Medicaid Long-term Care, etc.) that can finance it. You need to get on with your life, otherwise you will resent Mom tying you down. There is a way out for you. Contact the local or state social services office and get the ball rolling. I cared for my mother until she got to the point that she needed to go into a nursing home, so I know what you are going through. Once you get her placed, you will feel that an incredible weight has been lifted off of you, and you will be free to move on.

I'll thank you for the advice and sentiments. As a fellow caretaker, you know exactly what I'm going through.

Qualifications for NY Medicaid

Long story short, we exceed both the income and asset limits. For those who really have nothing, like my late paternal grandmother, Medicaid will pay for nursing home care, or 24-hour in-home care, whichever makes more sense. I probably would have opted for 24-hour live-in help had we qualified. It's better for my mother, plus I'd still get my freedom back.

My mother was in the hospital in May. Now her insurance is paying for hospice care. We have a hospital bed, and a HHA 5 times a week for 2 hours per day. My understanding is this will last until late November if my mom's condition continues to improve. Then they take us off hospice care and the help ends. Hospice care doesn't mean she's necessarily close to death. She could go next week, or she could live a few more years.

NY has the Paid Family Leave Act which could potentially help me if I could convince my brother to take advantage of it.

He could get up to 12 weeks off at 2/3rds pay to help me. I even told him he could take the difference between that and his regular take-home from my mother's assets so it doesn't cost him anything. Why he doesn't want to do it is beyond me. It's a win-win. I get help, he gets away from his job which he hates anyway. I think I need to have a long talk with him. I've already given up over a decade of life doing this.

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

@jtr1962 Have you looked into becoming a paid caregiver for your mother? One of my relatives is a paid caregiver for a grandchild who has Down's Syndrome.

I read post #125 after posting.

 

[knucklegary]

@jtr1962 Have you looked into becoming a paid caregiver for your mother? One of my relatives is a paid caregiver for a grandchild who has Down's Syndrome.

I read post #125 after posting.

Becoming a paid caregiver (even as a relative) also helps as tax relief for the patient. It might not apply in this case. Just thought I'd add my 2ct

 

[jtr1962]

@jtr1962 Have you looked into becoming a paid caregiver for your mother? One of my relatives is a paid caregiver for a grandchild who has Down's Syndrome.

I read post #125 after posting.

Becoming a paid caregiver (even as a relative) also helps as tax relief for the patient. It might not apply in this case. Just thought I'd add my 2ct

Yes, I looked into that a number of years ago. Bottom line, the patient needs to qualify for Medicaid in order for a family member taking care of them to be paid. As I mentioned in post #125, unfortunately we don't. We're in the unhappy middle-too rich to qualify for Medicaid, but too poor to pay for help.

One thing I can do is have the house transferred to my name. Medicaid allows you to do this with no look-back period if you're related to the patient, and have been providing caretaking duties for at least the previous two years. Only reason I haven't (yet) is that it'll be a source of friction with my two siblings.

 

[IMA SOL MAN]

Yes, I looked into that a number of years ago. Bottom line, the patient needs to qualify for Medicaid in order for a family member taking care of them to be paid. As I mentioned in post #125, unfortunately we don't. We're in the unhappy middle-too rich to qualify for Medicaid, but too poor to pay for help.

One thing I can do is have the house transferred to my name. Medicaid allows you to do this with no look-back period if you're related to the patient, and have been providing caretaking duties for at least the previous two years. Only reason I haven't (yet) is that it'll be a source of friction with my two siblings.

Hey, do it. You've earned the house with ten years of 24 hour personal care. Price that out, and see what it is worth! If your sibs kick, tell them that it could have been them, but they didn't step up, and left it to you.

 

[jtr1962]

Hey, do it. You've earned the house with ten years of 24 hour personal care. Price that out, and see what it is worth! If your sibs kick, tell them that it could have been them, but they didn't step up, and left it to you.

About $500 a day from what I've read, so $500x365x10 = $1.825 million. The house is worth less than half that.

As I'm fond of telling them both, if not for my care, the house (and all my mother's other assets) would be long gone.

 

[IMA SOL MAN]

About $500 a day from what I've read, so $500x365x10 = $1.825 million. The house is worth less than half that.

As I'm fond of telling them both, if not for my care, the house (and all my mother's other assets) would be long gone.

Exactly so.

Get your attorney to draft a quit claim for the real estate, and get Mom's signature witnessed and notorized, then register it at the register of deeds office. At least, that is what we did here--laws may be different in NY, ask your local attorney.

 

[ampdude]

Would you like me to shed a tear for you? Your post is irrelevant to what I posted.

This thread went a lot of different directions as you observed. No, but I've just always noticed that people with very STRONG opinions about things, usually haven't had to deal with a lot of hardships in their life. They're not always exactly re-evaluating their perspective on things. That's all I was saying. Or maybe they have in the past, but they've gotten to a point somehow where they don't deal with what the average person does anymore and maybe lost touch. It seems everyone is on their own dung heap preaching down at someone else's. I try not to do that, but it's irresistible part of human nature.

 

[ampdude]

I mean this as real advice. Dating is a numbers game or a statistical game. The more people you meet, the greater the odds that you will meet someone who is compatible and who feels the same. First impressions can be wrong too. Someone first off-putting may turn out great. I think some of those on/off/on/off daters are afraid to be alone or put all their happiness to being in a relationship, but they are also meeting a lot of people, which increases the odds of a compatible match. With modern dating apps it is very easy to meet people. As well, Facebook groups for things you like to do (other than flashlights!), Meetup.com, etc. get you out there and meeting people.

I agree with this 100%, you just have to keep trying. I'm introverted, but sometimes an extroverted weirdo. If I see someone I like I'm not afraid to just go up and start talking to them or introducing myself. I've gotten plenty of dates like that in the past. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. But I'll say I don't date women anymore, because it's pretty much a waste of time aside from the conversation. You know if they like you or not in the first 5 seconds of meeting. Who knows, maybe I will again, but it's obvious whether she's interested or not right away.

 

[Poppy]

One thing I can do is have the house transferred to my name. Medicaid allows you to do this with no look-back period if you're related to the patient, and have been providing caretaking duties for at least the previous two years. Only reason I haven't (yet) is that it'll be a source of friction with my two siblings.

Certainly the friction will lead to lawsuits.

Perhaps another option is to form a "Family Limited Partnership" Your mother's assets can be transferred into it, and name you and your siblings partners, who decide what will be done with the assets. Pay bills, sell off assets, whatever. If you all had equal shares they could outvote you, but if you were given 51%, you'd have control, so they couldn't throw you out, or sell your house out from under you.

Perhaps something could be worked out before your mother's passing, and avoid legal expenses later on down the road.

 

[bykfixer]

I thought we were discussing aliens....

 

[ampdude]

I thought we were discussing aliens....

Ancient ones, current ones in the UFO's, or the ones among us now? Those reptilian goofballs. I'm so confused now.

When I was arrested for false things I felt like I was being abducted by them, if that makes any sense.

 

[ampdude]

I've been on a few of those. Didn't find anyone that was even remotely interesting to me. A former friend of mine tried Match.com. He said he never met such a bunch of wacky women in his life.

I get the part that the more people you meet the greater your odds. I wish it was more socially acceptable to approach random strangers because that really helps the odds. In NYC I see literally thousands of different people just riding the subway and walking around Manhattan.

My opinion-school is the best place to meet people. You get to see them at their best and their worst. Plus you don't need to spend any money to just hang out. The reality of dating once you're not in school is that it's very expensive.

It's all single mom's looking for a walking wallet and broken damaged beyond repair women. I would never online date. And they're always trying to hide their figures. If they weigh more than me.. and have kids.. why would I be interested in paying for some neck tattoo's screw ups who's in prison now. Plus I'd have to deal with him when he gets out. Doesn't seem like I want to deal with all of her screw ups and then pay for them on top of it. We all have enough problems of our own these days than to take on someone else's as well. There's a single mom epidemic out there these days and you can certainly see it on Match or pretty much any "dating" site.

 

[knucklegary]

An old guy told me once long ago.. women are like buying shoes, you gotta keep trying 'em on til you find one that feels good

 

[ampdude]

An old guy told me once long ago.. women are like buying shoes, you gotta keep trying 'em on til you find one that feels good

He forgot the part about them wearing out and needing new ones. I used to date a couple nutcases back in 2007. Think I would want anything to do with them today? Yikes... One eventually married a guy who makes a ton more money than I did at the time, (and they still don't have any kids, she just wanted to live the easy life) and the other has been married twice since then and has kids with multiple guys and goes to counseling because she's a nutzo. Last woman I took on a "real" date was back in 2008 to see Iron Man. And she didn't like the old truck I drove, was turned off by it. She's been married and divorced since then I think now. That's when I thought... you know what... I'm done with this B.S.

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

I thought we were discussing aliens....

For crying out loud, man, try and keep up!

 

[ampdude]

For crying out loud, man, try and keep up!

Haha, I can't quite either. But it doesn't matter, it's the CAFE. 🙂

 

[jtr1962]

It's all single mom's looking for a walking wallet and broken damaged beyond repair women. I would never online date. And they're always trying to hide their figures. If they weigh more than me.. and have kids.. why would I be interested in paying for some neck tattoo's screw ups who's in prison now. Plus I'd have to deal with him when he gets out. Doesn't seem like I want to deal with all of her screw ups and then pay for them on top of it. We all have enough problems of our own these days than to take on someone else's as well. There's a single mom epidemic out there these days and you can certainly see it on Match or pretty much any "dating" site.

Speaking of the weight part, I remember being on one of those sites, then thinking I was redirected to a cattle auction site.

I love how both sexes on these sites often post a picture of themselves from high school.

No, I have no desire to hook up with single moms looking for a sugar daddy.

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

😁 😁

 

[ampdude]

Speaking of the weight part, I remember being on one of those sites, then thinking I was redirected to a cattle auction site.

I love how both sexes on these sites often post a picture of themselves from high school.

No, I have no desire to hook up with single moms looking for a sugar daddy.

Well it's usually ten year old pictures of single moms looking for suckers if they are over 25. If they are under, it's damaged women with a lot of emotional baggage. It's a mess. I highly recommend avoiding it all for your own sanity. Single moms are the most expensive prostitutes. I always post recent pictures of myself on facebook. I don't care, I'm not a fat cow who needs a sugar mommy. I'm 200.. if they weigh even 50lbs less than me, there's a serious problem with this relationship. But who wants to hear a heterosexual guy's opinion these days.

If you only see face pictures, that's a huge clue.