My mother passed away

The Hawk

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I do understand how you feel, jtr1962. I cared for my mother until her doctor said she needed to go into an assisted care facility. I still visited her several times each week. We were very close. I would not change anything I did, even though it took a toll on me. I was visiting her one day and she started wheezing. I got her to the hospital and she passed away later that day. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep chatting with us. We do care about you.
 

jtr1962

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Flushing, NY
Thanks all for the heartfelt condolences. Nearly two months later, I'm still in a deep depression. It's not easy losing a person you've lived with for all of your 61 years, barring 3 semesters of college. It should be a release but so far it hasn't worked out that way. It may well be over a year before I'm able to enjoy things again. It took that long with my dad. I suspect this will take longer.

I have gone out a little more. It seems strange not needing to rush home within an hour or two as before. I liken my situation to a person getting out of prison after a long sentence. It sounds like it should be a positive thing, but after 10+ years I don't even know what "normal" looks like any more. I feel like the character Brooks Hatlen in The Shawshank Redemption: "I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am." It didn't end well for him but I hope I have better luck.
 

bykfixer

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Thanks all for the heartfelt condolences. Nearly two months later, I'm still in a deep depression. It's not easy losing a person you've lived with for all of your 61 years, barring 3 semesters of college. It should be a release but so far it hasn't worked out that way. It may well be over a year before I'm able to enjoy things again. It took that long with my dad. I suspect this will take longer.

I have gone out a little more. It seems strange not needing to rush home within an hour or two as before. I liken my situation to a person getting out of prison after a long sentence. It sounds like it should be a positive thing, but after 10+ years I don't even know what "normal" looks like any more. I feel like the character Brooks Hatlen in The Shawshank Redemption: "I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am." It didn't end well for him but I hope I have better luck.
Yup, so far you're right on schedule. Changes will likely be gradual but as time passes the changes will occur until the day it seemed like the rain clouds were replaced by sunshine.
 

Monocrom

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Thanks all for the heartfelt condolences. Nearly two months later, I'm still in a deep depression. It's not easy losing a person you've lived with for all of your 61 years, barring 3 semesters of college. It should be a release but so far it hasn't worked out that way. It may well be over a year before I'm able to enjoy things again. It took that long with my dad. I suspect this will take longer.

I have gone out a little more. It seems strange not needing to rush home within an hour or two as before. I liken my situation to a person getting out of prison after a long sentence. It sounds like it should be a positive thing, but after 10+ years I don't even know what "normal" looks like any more. I feel like the character Brooks Hatlen in The Shawshank Redemption: "I have trouble sleepin' at night. I have bad dreams like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am." It didn't end well for him but I hope I have better luck.
When I lost my dad in 2017, you'd be surprised how long it took for me to get over it. And, you never fully get over it. But time definitely eases the pain. Please keep that in mind.
 

Poppy

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I have gone out a little more.
@jtr1962 I'm glad to hear that you are getting out a little more. You deserve the time out, even if it is just for a walk around the block. I recall something a good friend said to me after my mom passed.
"There are times that you'll just FEEL her presence, watching over you. Over time, not as often, but she'll still be there." That gave me some comfort.
You know the scene where there is an Angel sitting on one shoulder, and a Devil on the other. She's my angel. And when I consider doing something she might not approve of, 'There She is!'

It seems strange not needing to rush home within an hour or two as before. I liken my situation to a person getting out of prison after a long sentence.
Hey brother I can relate.
When my wife was in hospice, and an aide came for an hour, I'd take a nap, or do the grocery shopping. Once, I bought a two pound bag of frozen breaded fish. I saw the price for the 8 oz bag. When the girl at the cash register rang it up for four times the cost, I had to go back to the frozen food section to prove the price I quoted was correct. Boy was I embarrassed. I wasn't even seeing straight anymore.

A few weeks ago I was in NYC Downtown, and a gent challenged me to a game of chess. I should have taken him up on it. He'd have been able to win in three moves, but I am sure that he wouldn't do that to me. I'm sure that we would have had a good conversation about something.

Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day. Sunny, and nearly 60F. I'll bet that although you lived your entire life in and around NYC there are many tourist sites that people travel from the far reaches of the world to see, and that you have not seen many of them. Take a Skyline Cruise around Manhattan, or a day cruise to West Point, maybe a ferry to the Statue of Liberty, or to Randall's Island. As you travel, smile and strike up conversations.

Have a great day.
Choose to make a great day of it.
 

Raymond33

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Jan 30, 2009
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141
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concord, ca
I understand how you feel. My wife and I cared for my mom for the last 5 years of her life after she was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was at her side with other family praying when she was close. Just 30 seconds after we finished our prayer, she breathed her last. That was 12 years ago, and the feelings are still so strong.

While preparing for her funeral, one woman said something that helped. She worked for the stonecutter and said that I was lucky. When I asked her what she meant, she said that the reason that I was in such mourning was that she had loved me, and meant a lot to me. And that many folks don't grieve much when losing a parent because the love was not there for them.

Obviously, you are one of the lucky ones that was loved.

You have our heartfelt compassion.
 

Buff

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Dec 21, 2023
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North Carolina Mountains
Mom 2005 Dad 2014 and Ray hit it square between the eyes. That feeling is always there because they meant the world to you, to me, to us. I can only hope my kids miss me as much. If so i guess i made a good impression! Aye?
My wish is the hurt will go away but you will like me always have that dull ache that tugs at your heart strings and that honestly i for one don't want to go away.
 

nbp

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My sympathies to you in this sorrowful time. May each day allow you to heal just a bit. :au:
 

Hooked on Fenix

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I don't know what to say. From your previous posts, it didn't seem like you believed in God. I won't speculate about what your mother believed. That's for God to judge, not me. All I can say is the mere thought of a loved one spending eternity in a place I'd never want them to be would break my heart. I sincerely hope and pray she is in heaven looking down at you waiting patiently for you two to be reunited one day.

1 Thessalonians 5:13-14: "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."

Until then, instead of trying to fill that hole in your heart with tears and grieving, try to think of what your mother would want you to do with your life and let your success be a way to honor her.
 
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