Reason 101 why divorce sucks

jtr1962

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Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Honestly, it's such true tales that keep me from getting married.
Never mind getting married-stories like this keep me from even bothering to date. I figure there's a 50% or better chance the entire relationship will ultimately leave me worse off than before. With odds like that I'd rather spend my time and money on hobbies. The odds are much better I'll get some lasting satisfaction.
 

Fast LT1

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You're better off being single. Hell if I was I'd be spending my money on what I wanted instead of the crap she wants. I make all the money yet I drive an 82 ford bronco w/ no ac, missing window, and its beat up from being in a tornado. She drives a brand new impala Ltz. If I was single I'd be cruising around in a twin turbo 96 impala sscwith a massive surefire collection.

lots of other ladies out there, get back in you're feet and start dating, it's easier than ever to meet women now a days with the Internet.
 

Monocrom

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Never mind getting married-stories like this keep me from even bothering to date. I figure there's a 50% or better chance the entire relationship will ultimately leave me worse off than before. With odds like that I'd rather spend my time and money on hobbies. The odds are much better I'll get some lasting satisfaction.

We're guys. We get lonely. Nothing wrong with dating. Just have to be very choosey whom we date. Can't avoid that first date. But it's the ideal opportunity to see if she's willing to just go with the flow, see how things develop; or if she's desperate for a ring.
 

CarpentryHero

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We're guys. We get lonely. Nothing wrong with dating. Just have to be very choosey whom we date. Can't avoid that first date. But it's the ideal opportunity to see if she's willing to just go with the flow, see how things develop; or if she's desperate for a ring.

I'm not giving up on dating, I'll be a little more cautious next go around. If I find a woman who likes flashlights too I may consider marriage again ;)
 

Monocrom

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I'm not giving up on dating, I'll be a little more cautious next go around. If I find a woman who likes flashlights too I may consider marriage again ;)

I'd be happy with any woman half as addicted to lights as Greta.
 

ScaryFatKidGT

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Somebody buy this dude a drink.... or a light

I never want to get divorced so I'm sort of contemplating "marriage" at all
 

TEEJ

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This stuff happens every day, to a huge portion of the population...and it always hell for those who make up the group.


The advice one gets is always easier to give than to act upon as that requires time to internalize the feelings and emotions, etc.


I've been married to the same chick for ~ 35 years, right after her HS graduation.

I have a LOT of friends, male and female, who dumped/got dumped by their spouses and had to pick up the pieces and move on.

The ones who are the most successful at it were not always the ones who acted like it didn't matter, or tried to pretend they were "OK", etc...its the ones who wallowed in it, adjusted to it, and moved on out of it.

There's issues to deal with...and the sooner you do, the better...but, doing it right, once, is best, even if its a slower process than you'd like.

The other one is the kid(s) involved. Kids are freaked out by all of this, and, how it reflects on their sense of self worth, etc...IE: If mom and dad love each other, or at least did when they made them, they are better off.

Bad mouthing the spouse, exposing the kid to the cruel politics of a divorce, tears them up....and both sides always seem to end up with a propaganda campaign designed to justify their actions and vilify the other's. (Because we want our kids to love us and not blame us...and if the OTHER side is casting blame, well, its viewed as defensive to then show how the OTHER side was to blame, and off it goes)

The problem is is that all uses the KID as the battle ground, and, it hurts them....depending on their age and level of savvy in these matters, they may not need the propaganda, they lived it before the divorce happened, or, they are just frightened and confused and care more about being safe than who's to blame. Typically, they don't CARE who's fault it is...they loved you before, and they still love you, even if they see you as having made a mistake...just like you don't stop loving your kid if they hurt you by betraying your trust, etc.


And

Once you get your credit in your own name, and she's OFF your credit, you can buy anything you want that you feel you can afford w/o having to "see if its ok".

You can have pizza and beer in bed while watching football, go fishing whenever you feel like it, meet your buddies, etc, and no one can ***** about it. You are free. Lord almighty, you are free.

:D
 
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PoliceScannerMan

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Once you get your credit in your own name, and she's OFF your credit, you can buy anything you want that you feel you can afford w/o having to "see if its ok".

You can have pizza and beer in bed while watching football, go fishing whenever you feel like it, meet your buddies, etc, and no one can ***** about it. You are free. Lord almighty, you are free.

:D

That is a perk, seriously.
 

degarb

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Hang in there man; don't let her take the flashlights in the divorce! Get a good lawyer and fight for them.
 

gunga

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Hang in there CH! All the best from a fellow Canuck. Live life, enjoy time with your son. The next day comes, the sun still rises, life will get better.
 

CarpentryHero

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Thanks all, and thanks for the awesome words of wisdom TEEJ. Beer and pizza in bed sounds like just what I need
 

Tana

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Sorry to hear that, CarpentryHero...

I can't say I can even remotely imagine how I would feel w/o my lovely wife but there are times where I really really wish I was single/divorced already... and the latest posts mentioning pizza all-around... wow... :)

Don't know if it's a place and time for a joke but...

A dad comes to toy store and asks clerk for a Barbie doll... she asks back "which one?"... he's like "what's the difference?"... "Well, depending on accessories she comes with, she can vary in price... like tennis Barbie is $29.99, ball-room Barbie is $29.99, jogging Barbie is $29.99, beach Barbie is $25.99 as she has less clothes but for example police Barbie is $45.99 as she comes with police car"... "oh, OK", dad says... "well, what's the most expensive Barbie as it's my daughter's 5th birthday and I want something SPECIAL"... "Well, we have DIVORCED BARBIE, she's $299.99"... WOW !!! How come she's so expensive ??? Clerk: Well she comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's vacation shack, Ken's credit car, Ken's golf clubs, Ken's horse, Ken's..."
 

mkphc

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One year ago I caught my wife of 16 years cheating, divorced 4 months later, 90 day waiting period in PA, (took one month to get gumshion up)
if I could offer advice,it would be to act swiftly, take everything you can,win everything you can, only give away what they(court) makes you, and be gracious only when it's on your terms.
most important, explain to your kids that it is NOT their fault, and do not bring them through the mud
i know that it may seem grim, but hold on, it WILL get better
hope it helps
 

rebelbayou

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My prayers are with you CarpentryHero. My high school sweetheart and love of my life for 18 years left 8 years ago without any warning or anything. Ironic that she had just wrote me a beautiful letter less than a week before telling me how happy she was and things were going great and I didn't need to change anything. Still trying to figure that one out. Fortunately no kids, except furry ones that she left with me. I was really struggling with the fact of when am I going to get over this, until my counselor made me realize that I'll never "get over it," I'm just better able to cope with it as each day goes by. As said already, time makes it better. Good luck!
 
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