Ridiculous Products

Flashlight Aficionado

Enlightened
Joined
Jul 12, 2006
Messages
834
laserscissorsiz9.th.jpg


I found this in a bargain store. I wonder why nobody thought this was a good idea?
 
I can see it now. Scene opens with David Hodges, lab tech, looking carefully at a wound in the back of a dead body carefully arranged on the exam table. A 100,000 lumen spotlight on his deriere obscures that area, overpowering the camera's sensors, saving us from accidental "over exposure".


"Well, the fact that he was killed with scissors would mean it was a was a weapon of opportunity. The attack spontaneous. The single stab wound tells us there was no anger, and the attacker stopped as soon as the victim was struck. We are looking for a scared, average sized woman who sews. Probable self defense."

Gill looks over his shoulder. Picks up the scissors.

"These are the laser guided set on sale at Harbor freight for $10.99!" He looks at Hodges with a smirk. "I think you are wrong . These are highly accurate. There was only one wound because all 17 blows landed at exactly the same spot. The killer had to have planned this. We are looking for a middle aged white guy who buys cheap tools and who is very angry. And who EDCs a flashlight. This was premeditated."

[fade to black as Hodges hangs his head in shame over missing the obvious. Again. ]
 
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What's up with the 100s of crazy things you can get to cut things in your kitchen?? onion cutters, egg cutters, pineapple cutters, apple cutters, tomato cutters... WTF?! Can't people just learn how to use a knife??

It's all marketing. Why bother selling a paring knife that slices bananas, tomatoes and onions when you can triple your profit with a "Special Tomato knife!"

They hype them on the shows using props that you could cut with a butter knife. Then they tell you about all the imaginary problems that you will NOT have with their wonderful specialty knife.

Search Amazon.com for "tomato knife" and you find 43 DIFFERENT knives labeled as just for tomatoes.

And they don't even list the one my wife bought. It has the word TOMATO cut out of the blade, two prongs on the tip for stabbing slices and an cutting edge that has such coarse serrations that it will saw through wood.

Gotta love them marketeers.

Daniel
 
Hmm, that gives me an idea. I think I'll market a special tomato knife for left-handed people and another one for right handed. I might even add a laser for aiming. ;)
 
What's up with the 100s of crazy things you can get to cut things in your kitchen?? onion cutters, egg cutters, pineapple cutters, apple cutters, tomato cutters... WTF?! Can't people just learn how to use a knife??

I always loved the infomercials that show people fumbling around with knives trying to dice a garlic but couldn't do it, then come the miracle dicer and they can chop like a pro. Maybe they should stay out of the kitchen to begin with?
 
Hmm, that gives me an idea. I think I'll market a special tomato knife for left-handed people and another one for right handed. I might even add a laser for aiming. ;)

Too late! :)

from

amazon.com's "Shun Classic 6-Inch Tomato Knife"

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00022YEWG/?tag=cpf0b6-20

Great features of the entire line include these cool "D" shaped handles that fit your hand better. Every Shun Classic knife is made in a right- and left-handed version (chefsresource.com for lefties).
 
Sharp knives and TV salespeople don't always mix well...

Here's the aftermath.... The guy was hurt far worse than what was seen in the video. He needed emergency surgery, and ended up losing a rather "sensative" part of his anatomy. Luckily he still has one left.

Rather high price to pay for pretending that cheap junk is just as good as a quality sword that has been differencially heat-treated.
 
Here's the aftermath.... The guy was hurt far worse than what was seen in the video. He needed emergency surgery, and ended up losing a rather "sensative" part of his anatomy. Luckily he still has one left.

Rather high price to pay for pretending that cheap junk is just as good as a quality sword that has been differencially heat-treated.

Yikes. I didn't know about the rest of the story! Yes, that was a high price indeed.
 
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