there are some Jokes

[russprechtl]

Time for some medical jokes today:

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Is it OK to tell a zombie it looks like death warmed over?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Why do they sterilize needles used for lethal injections?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

 

[PhotonWrangler]

I would've thought "K"

Ha! Good one as well.

 

[russprechtl]

Here's another joke I found:

990,000 lumens! Zoomable! Fast sipping! And it won't even melt your hand off.... honest 😉

 

[bluflaam777]

It fast sipping

 

[dc38]

Here's another joke I found:
View attachment 75257
990,000 lumens! Zoomable! Fast sipping! And it won't even melt your hand off.... honest 😉

Not a million lumens is a dealbreaker for me.

 

[russprechtl]

Not a million lumens is a dealbreaker for me.

Me too. Seriously. Go big or go home, right?

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

Measure twice, cut once.
Or?
Measure once, cuss twice.

 

[russprechtl]

Measure twice, cut once.
Or?
Measure once, cuss twice.

I saw a t-shirt that was similar. It said:
Measure
Measure
Cut
Swear
Repeat

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

I saw a t-shirt that was similar. It said:
Measure
Measure
Cut
Swear
Repeat

Been there.
Done that. 🙄

 

[PhotonWrangler]

Been there.
Done that. 🙄

Measure twice.
Cut once.
%$!(*^
Get a new board and do it again.

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

I kept cutting the board, but it still wouldn't reach. 😕

 

[brts96]

I kept cutting the board, but it still wouldn't reach.

Sounds like a good argument for a board stretcher. Make sure to send the apprentice to find it, so he'll always know where it is.

 

[PhotonWrangler]

Sounds like a good argument for a board stretcher. Make sure to send the apprentice to find it, so he'll always know where it is.

,,,and while he's out, ask him to swing by the auto store and get some blinker fluid

 

[brts96]

,,,and while he's out, ask him to swing by the auto store and get some blinker fluid

Synthetic blinker fluid, especially in newer vehicles.

It's been a while since I've seen the pipe stretcher, maybe have him run by the hardware store for one?

 

[PhotonWrangler]

Synthetic blinker fluid, especially in newer vehicles.

It's been a while since I've seen the pipe stretcher, maybe have him run by the hardware store for one?

Need a wire stretcher also because of Murphy;'s corollary - "Any wire cut to length will be too short."

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

I kept cutting the board, but it still wouldn't reach. 😕

It was when I was cutting the corners of the top/handrails for this tree perch. 😕

Many years back, a friend's older brother was telling us how he and another employee told the stupid, new hire to go to the maintenance/steam-heating boiler room where there was a relief valve and bring back a bucket of steam to clean some parts. The poor guy actually attempted the task.

About a week later, the new hire dropped a very heavy run of railroad track on my friend's brother's foot.

Working with someone so stupid wasn't funny anymore.

I don't mind funnin someone concerning their ignorance (simply being unaware) ... he/she can always learn.

Conversely, I don't think it's right to make fun of someone when they're low IQ.

 

[brts96]

The twist I was hoping for was that the apprentice is brighter than we give him credit for and decides to use the time searching for an item that doesn't exist as a paid break.

You make some good points, though.

 

[Chauncey Gardener]

The twist I was hoping for was that the apprentice is brighter than we give him credit for and decides to use the time searching for an item that doesn't exist as a paid break.

You make some good points, though.

They were employed by the county ...

What's painted orange and sleeps six people?

A county "work" truck.

 

[PhotonWrangler]

The twist I was hoping for was that the apprentice is brighter than we give him credit for and decides to use the time searching for an item that doesn't exist as a paid break.

You make some good points, though.

I would have been tempted to come back with a bucket of warm water and a chunk of dry ice in it. Here's your bucket of 'steam.' 😉

 

[russprechtl]

If toast always falls buttered side down and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you strapped a piece of toast to a cat's back and dropped them?