there are some Jokes

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A friend worked at a local park. In one of the mechanical buildings was a machine (I don't know what it was) that had a steam relief valve. My friend sent the new guy for a bucket of steam to clean some tools. To no one's surprise the bucket was empty when the low IQ hire returned. It was reported that he was dangerous to have around so they sent him off on errands as frequently as possible.
 
I’m not proud of this since I ended up running the place later on and the poor kid wore himself out............but once upon a time I was training a new hire at a flooring manufacturing facility. When we stacked up wood that was to be turned into flooring sticks were placed between the layers for air flow. When the wood was destacked it would run over a series of chains and the sticks would fall down a shoot into a large hydraulic activated hopper we simply called a stick machine. The stick machine went down one day and my new hire was harassing maintenance telling them how to fix it and what was wrong. These guys were in hydraulic fluid covered in dust pissed off. Just an absolute mess. The last thing they wanted was to have some dude standing over them trying to tell them how to fix something he knew absolutely nothing about. I told him if he wanted to help to go back to the maintenance shop and ask the other guys for a flux capacitor because it had went out and that’s why the stick machine stopped moving.

The maintenance shop was on the far end of the property probably around 300 yard away. Well, the boy took off towards it and I didn’t see him for a good 20 minutes. When he came back I saw why. The maintenance crew had given this poor kid a 3hp electric motor to carry. (Weighed about 70 pounds) and absolutely covered him in hard lines. He carried every bit of that stuff back over toward where the machine was and the night shift production manager stopped him halfway and asked him what the heck he was doing. If I’d have known they were going to do all that to him I never would have sent him haha. It was great.

We also had knot pullers and board stretchers and cans of A I R
 
Not as funny as the stuff you guys came up with, but we had a new know-it-all-and-not-afraid-to-let-you-know type show up. We were talking about something that needed to be put together and I just stopped the conversation and said "Great, we don't have to worry about it. He knows how to do it so he can do it." He said "No problem". A few more times of that happening and he stopped being so vocal about telling others how to do things!
 
Here I am sitting and here I came up with a new anecdote, I urgently need to conduct a study, is it really new or did it come up in my memory in connection with another anecdote?


Two girlfriends met in the shopping center, chatting, thinking to go to a cafe, then a guy comes up to them and one says to the other, here you are, my new boyfriend. And the second one answers - I think you are coronavirus, I'll go home! The first one asks why? Second - you have clearly lost your taste !!


You can think of something about other situations, for example, about the choice of cars by friends or the choice of some clothes by these girlfriends, etc.
 
:drunk: Why Beer is Better than Women :drunk:

I’m allowed to complain - about a beer being flat.

If my lips touch another bottle - my old beer don’t get mad.

When I’m at a bar - I’m always able to pick-up a Bud Lite.

And beer looks the same in the morning - as it did on Friday night.

Beer’s always ready to leave on time - and that’s why beer’s never late.

And when I want to swap beers - my old beer won’t take half my estate.

A world where I could just date beer - would just be great.

The song with music - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkJdwtnIaAs
 
A skyhook is sort of a theoretical device seen in spy movies when someone sends up a balloon attached to a cable connected to a person harnessed in. A hook and cable are dragged behind a plane, hook the balloon and cable and carry the spy away. I don't think it works well in real life.

Skyhook is also a brand for a crane. (Be careful telling someone to bring a skyhook if they have connections with a crane company.)
 
Hispanics were polled to determine their views on illegal immigration. It turns out about half of them were on the fence.
 
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An older gentleman getting on in years had spent decades polishing his jokes and practicing them at parties. One night, at a cocktail party, he met a nice older lady. They really hit it off and went out for coffee later that week.

During their date, the man started telling his jokes. He was notorious for his puns, and it was obvious to the lady as to why. They were absolutely brilliant, well timed, dry, and always seemed to fit the moment perfectly. His puns always made her smile.

One day she read in the newspaper that people could enter up to ten puns in a joke contest with a grand prize of $10,000. She couldn't wait until later that day when she would see him so she could tell him. When they met, she convinced the man to enter the contest, as surely he would win.

The man spent hours trying to write his best puns. After gleaning his list many times with the lady, they finally decided which ten puns he would submit.

Weeks later a letter announcing the results of the contest finally came. The man excitedly opened it. Slowly his eyes scanned the page until he quietly folded the paper back up and placed it on the table. He looked crushed. The lady asked nervously - Did you win?

The man looked at her and quietly muttered - No pun in ten did.
 
A blonde found out they done spent all their money and they wanted more, so they grab this kid and sends him home with a note saying "I just kidnapped your child and if you want him back put $10,000 in a bag and leave the bag behind the biggest rock at the park by 4pm the next day- signed, a blonde". So the next day the blonde goes and checks and there is the bag with all the money in it and also a note saying " how could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
 
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I don't know if this is true or not, but a friend of mine told me back when he was a youngster living in Florida he was in this pet shop that had a parrot in it. He was looking around and there was this lady that was doing something not far from the parrot cage. The parrot starts saying random lewd comments at her and every time she turned around the parrot was just setting there on their perch like they were innocent and my friend got the blame. I don't remember what that lady did to him. That was told to me probably in the early 80s, so I do good to remember what I just wrote. He said he tried to tell her the bird said all that, but she didn't believe him.
 
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I’d believe it. There is one in pigeon forge at the Christmas shop that will only talk to you when you don’t pay it attention. It doesn’t say or do anything rude but if you put him on the spot he will hiss at you haha
 
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