there are some Jokes

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greenpondmike said:
I don't know if this is true or not, but a friend of mine told me back when he was a youngster living in Florida he was in this pet shop that had a parrot in it. He was looking around and there was this lady that was doing something not far from the parrot cage. The parrot starts saying random lewd comments at her and every time she turned around the parrot was just setting there on their perch like they were innocent and my friend got the blame. I don't remember what that lady did to him. That was told to me probably in the early 80s, so I do good to remember what I just wrote. He said he tried to tell her the bird said all that, but she didn't believe him.
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Mike, are you thinking of this one?

This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works.
Each time he brings a lady into his house, the bird acts up; he is embarrassed, and the lady is insulted and leaves.
Finally, in a moment of frustration, he grabs the parrot by the neck, gives him a good shaking, and throws the parrot into the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. Feeling guilty, the young man opens the freezer door. The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I promise I'll never act like that again!"

The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"
 
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Last nigh I came across a self administrated COVID test.

Pour three fingers of your favorite spirits in a glass. If you can smell it, you're half way there.

Drink it and if you can taste it, you don't have the virus.

Loss of smell and taste are two of the symptoms.

I tested myself three times last night, just to be sure. I was negative every time.

I'm going to test myself again tonight. I have a monster headache and that's another one of the signs.

~ Cg:drunk:
 
Bigburly, I looked and couldn't find anything typing in those words, but there was some herons and a kingfisher catching fish.
That's a good one Poppy, but the one my friend told me sounded like an actual experience. He was known though in his younger years if he saw a lizard, by the time he finished telling about it the lizard was as big as a dinosaur.
I like that episode where that cockatoo latches onto Nile's head and then at the dinner party repeats what he heard Fraser and Niles say earlier in private.
 
YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook were considering merging into one company. They decided against it, and not because they are being investigated by Congress. It turns out that YouTwitFace didn't poll well in focus groups.
 
A rancher and a vaquaro were next to each other in a bar. The rancher asked "what kind of ranch do you have?" The vaquaro replied "I own a 50 acre goat farm".

The rancher replied "I can leave my house at sunrise and drive until sunset before I reach my front gate".

The vaquaro replied "I used to have a truck like that too"……

Buh-dum-shpeeeeee
Don't forget to tip your waiter.
 
An Indian woman hitchhiking back to the Rez in the middle of the night was picked up by a white woman.


The Indian woman says - what are you doing out on the road this late?


She points to a brown paper bag and says - I got this bottle of wine for my husband.


Good trade.
 
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