there are some Jokes

Burgess

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Poppy

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If you look closely at the negative ends, maybe they are!

Not a joke, during power outages people have used electric car battery through inverter to power some household devices; within limits of power/duration of course.

Dave
My sister's Dentist's son used a car battery with an inverter to power his house's furnace during an outage caused by Sandy. Generators were not obtainable at the time. I think he used the car's alternator to recharge the battery.
 

Hooked on Fenix

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My brother was looking for me in a restaurant today wondering where I was. When I opened the bathroom door, he was right outside it and asked, "where did you go?" I told him, "all over the floor, on the ceiling, and on the walls."
 

Poppy

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While I was looking for a horse story about statistics, I came across this.
It is long, but I think it is worth the read.

[Long] The Tale of Two Horses (Very Long)


Once upon a time, there was a farmer who owned a small farm. He didn't have many animals, but he did have two he loved immensely: his dog Spot, and his prize winning race horse, the fastest horse ever to run in the Kentucky Derby, Bolt. One day, the farmer and Spot were in the stables to watch a mare give birth to Bolt's child. But to their surprise, the mare gave birth to not one, but two, strong, healthy foals. The farmer named the first born Buck and the second Casper.
From the very beginning, Buck and Casper shared their father's competitive spirit. Within seconds of both being born, Buck looks at Casper and says "Hey brother! Let's see who can stand up first." Casper agreed, "Challenge accepted." Buck tried to stand first, got half-way erect, and then fell over. Next Casper tried to stand, made it all the way up, wobbled, and fell down. Spot and the farmer watched intently, as this continued back and forth for a couple minutes, each brother standing a little longer than the other, until eventually Buck stood up and remained standing. "I win!" exclaimed Buck. "You sure did," Casper replied "but it was very close. I know I'll win next time!"
Some time passes, and the farmer decides that Buck and Casper are now old enough to be let out of the stables and explore the farm. The farmer, Spot and all the other animals gather around to watch the two young horses get their first taste of the outdoors. As soon as the two foals exit the stables, Buck turns to Casper and says "You see that fence across the field? Let's have a race! First one to the fence and back wins." "You're on!" Casper replies.
And so the two horses take off towards the fence. First, Buck takes the lead, then Casper pulls ahead, then Buck takes the lead again as they reach the fence. On the way back the two horses are neck-and-neck, Casper ahead one second, Buck the next. Casper gives his all and takes a slight lead. "I'm going to win" he excitedly thinks, but at the last second Buck has a burst of speed and pulls ahead by a foot, winning the race. "I win!" Buck neighs loudly. "You sure did brother," Casper replies "but that was very close. I'll win the next race, I just know it."
Having witnessed their race, the farmer decides to enter them in the next local horse derby. The farmer and Spot sit in the stands, watching with anticipation as the horses line up, Buck and Casper next to each other in lanes 3 and 4. "This is it! This is the race I'm going to beat you!" Casper says to Buck. "Probably brother! You are very fast and trained very hard" Buck says in return. At the sound of the gunshot, Buck and Casper take off out of the gates. They very quickly get way ahead of the other horses, and the two brothers stay neck-and-neck. First buck is ahead by a few inches, then Casper gets the lead, then Buck again, then Casper; back-and-forth until it seems like Casper finally has the lead. "I got it this time!" Casper whinnies in excitement, but suddenly Buck is right there next to him, and before Casper could dig deep for a burst of speed, they cross the finish line, Buck just a few inches ahead. "Drat!" Casper says, a little upset. "That was so close! I could taste victory." "It was a very good race brother!" Buck says, "I'm very proud of you, that was the closest we've ever been. I thought you had it for sure."
A few years pass of Buck and Casper racing, training, and growing. Year after year the farmer enters them into the races, year after year the farmer and Spot watch, and year after year Buck wins by a hair, with Casper getting closer and closer with each race. Finally, Buck and Casper are so fast and so famous – The Twin Bolts, they're called – that they both get invited to compete in the Kentucky Derby. On the big day, the farmer and Spot watch from home on the TV as Buck and Casper wish each other luck, and go to their gates to await the race. The starting gun fires, and all the horses take off. This time it's a very close race; all the horses stay tight in a pack for most of the track. But near the end, all the horses begin to tire and slow – all the horses except for Buck and Casper.
Casper manages to get a good lead, and he looks back to his brother and yells "I'm going to win this time, there's nothing you can do!" But his cockiness got the better of him, and the farmer, Spot, and Buck all watched in horror as just before the finish line, Casper loses his footing and takes a terrible fall, knocking himself out.
After the race, Casper wakes up back home in the stables, Buck watching over him intently. "How do you feel Casper" Buck asks with concern, but Casper can think only of the race. "Did I win?" he asks. "Did I finally beat you?" Buck shakes his head solemnly "I'm afraid not brother. You stopped just in front of the finish line. The race was stopped because of your injury, but I was declared the winner since I was in second place."
Casper is devastated by this news. "…but …I was going to win" he says sadly, trying to stand. But one of Casper's front legs gives him a sharp pain, and he falls over. "Are you okay Casper?" Buck asks, concern heavy in his voice. "The vet said you broke your leg. You need to give it time to heal."
And so he did, but time never fully healed his leg. For years, Casper stayed at the farm, limping as he tried to run, while Buck continued to win Derby after Derby, eventually breaking his father Bolt's speed record and winning more Derbies than any other horse in memory. Spot would watch Casper from the porch, saddened by the state of the once proud equine.
Many years later, the farmer retires Buck from racing. The two horses, now old, spend most of their time in the stables, Casper always quiet and sad. One day, Buck turns to Casper and says "You know brother, I miss the old days when we would race side-by-side. What do you say to one last race, huh?" But Casper shakes his head and says "There's no point. Even in my prime, I could never beat you. What chance do I have now that I am old and lame?" Saddened by his brother's depression, Buck gets an idea. "You know what brother? You're the reason I ran so fast. You inspired me, our whole lives, to push myself and be the best I could be. I always looked up to you." This makes Casper a little happy, so Buck continues "I bet that you, my greatest inspiration, will beat me. There's no way you'll lose again, you're too good". "Alright," Casper says, his spirits high for the first time in years "I'll race you. To the fence and back, just like when we were kids. And this time I'll win!"
As Buck and Casper exit the stables, Spot – now also very old – pads over to watch. The two horses start running, much slower than in previous years, but still with as much intensity as their younger selves would muster. Casper, his excitement allowing him to ignore his old injury, takes the lead. Buck, digging deep, catches up, and they continue neck-and-neck. On the final stretch, Casper pulls ahead. After so many years, he'd finally get to know what it felt like to be number one, first place, the winner. Casper had never felt more proud or excited than at this moment in his life. But just before as he reaches the barn, Buck bolts past him, winning by a hair. Casper is crushed.
Now Spot, who watched the young horses grow up from afar, gets angry at this. He walks up to Buck and growls "Why?! After all the years, after all your victories, why? You couldn't let your brother have this one race? You just broke his heart!" To which Buck replies
"Holy poop, a talking dog!"
 
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A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
 
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