there are some Jokes

bykfixer

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Poppy

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We had a bunch of tupperware. It was a PIA to have to search for the specific sized lid that fit whichever bowl I decided to use.
Then for quite a while we did weekly, sometimes two times a week chinese take out. We always had a quart of wonton soup, and a pint of something else, and a cup of duck sauce As a result we collected MANY containers in the 8oz, 16oz and 32oz sizes. The beautiful thing was that they all took the same lid, and they all stacked inside each other. One day, I threw most of our tupperware out.

I guess it was about 6 years ago I bought some Rubbermaid containers.
Similar to tupperware, but three different sizes take the same lid. They also stack in a space saving fashion.

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PhotonWrangler

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This is an oldie but still funny -

If Operating Systems Were Airlines

MS-DOS Airlines

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again jump on again, and so on.


Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.


Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.


Mac Airlines

All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.


Unix Airlines

Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.


Linux Airlines

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
 

Monocrom

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Years ago, there was a farmer who achieved great financial success! But took him quite a few years to do so. When he got to that point, he decided it was time to get him a wife. All the younger women knew of his financial success. They all cozied up to him. Including the prettiest one in the who county. Well, he married her. On their Wedding day, he got into a very cozy, open buggy. Just enough for two. Bought himself a new, young horse the day before. After the wedding, the couple gets into the open buggy and sets off for his farm.

It rained yesterday. While trotting along, the farmer sees a small muddy puddle up ahead. He figures the horse will have enough sense to go around it. Nope! Slams his hoof directly into the puddle. Farmer's new shoes get coated in mud. Wife is fine. Farmer just looks at the horse, and simply says "That's One." Wife is impressed that her new husband is so calm.

Little further on the path. Bigger mud puddle. Farmer figures, okay; horse definitely knows better this time. Will just walk around it. Nope! Goes right through it! Splashed mud all over the bottom of the farmers new pants. Wife is fine. Farmer just looks at the horse, and simply says "That's Two." Wife is very impressed. Knows most men would be visibly upset.

Little further down the path. Giant mud puddle! Barely any room to get past on one side only. Farmer figures his new horse won't mess up a third time. Will just carefully walk around it. Nope! Horse splashes into the mud puddle! Farmer is covered head-to-toe in mud! Somehow, the wife is fine. Now she's seriously concerned. ANY man at this point would seriously blow his top, and start angerly ranting and raving.... Farmer just looks at the horse, and simply says "That's Three."

He then jumps off the buggy, pulls out a small revolver from his vest pocket, points the muzzle at the horse's head, and pulls the trigger. Wife is stunned, and angry. She leaps out of the buggy, runs up to him and starts angerly ranting and raving! Calling him all sorts of names, telling him that he's a darn fool! Asking him how are they supposed to get home now! She demands that he respond to her! Telling him to say something!

Farmer just looks at her, and calmly says.... "That's One."
 

PhotonWrangler

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Well I've found one of the limits of AI. This is copied and pasted directly from an AI chat that I ran a few moments ago:
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User: Tell me a Chuck Norris joke.

Llama: Certainly! Here's one for you: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Chuck Norris."
 

Monocrom

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Well I've found one of the limits of AI. This is copied and pasted directly from an AI chat that I ran a few moments ago:
---------------------------------------------------
User: Tell me a Chuck Norris joke.

Llama: Certainly! Here's one for you: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Chuck Norris."
Time to program an AI heckler!
 

PhotonWrangler

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More Chuck Norris humor -

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise.

The Grand Canyon was created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the ground for being too flat.

Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.

There was a street named Chuck Norris, but they had to change the name because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants are now known as giraffes.

Chuck Norris lifts weights to get them in shape.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
 

The Hawk

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Even more Chuck Norris humor:
Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars. He was The Force.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing the earth down.
While learning CPR, Chuck Norris brought the practice dummy back to life.
The Boogie Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris can lift a chair with one hand, while he is sitting on it.
Chuck Norris wears shoes to protect sharp objects from his feet.
Chuck Norris was bitten by a black mamba. After three days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
When Chuck Norris enters a room he doesn't turn the lights on, he scares the darkness away.
How many push ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
 

Monocrom

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Halloween comes around every year because it asked Chuck Norris' permission if it could do so. Since it asked nicely, he agreed. But only once per year.
 
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