Infidelity should be illegal...yes or no?

I've heard so many stories of violent revenge including murder and attempted murder as a direct consequence of infidelity that I now wholeheartedly believe that when marriage vows are broken the offending party should be held responsible as should the individual with whom the infidelity is commited. I'm not saying lock'em up for ten years but fines and community service as well as publishing the offence in the newspaper. It's just way too easy to eff around and perhaps if there were a legal recourse , at least some violent acts wouldn't be commited.

I also think just about everyone is capable of infidelity as well, given the proper temptation. Fidelity should be something that, as a society we support and promote and if the message is sent that choosing a married sexual partner has serious negative consequences, people might think twice.

When Powernoodle rules the globe, infidelity will be a capital offense.

I respectfully dissent from your assertion that everyone is capable of infidelity. I cannot fathom the circumstances under which I would be unfaithful.

Sorry, Ladies, I'm taken. :nana:

Hey Powernoodle, for most folks who find find infidelity hard to fathom (like myself) I'd say it would involve being in a situation where the signifigant others fidelity was in doubt (perhaps even without reason), mix in the proper amount of alcohol plus blatant opportunity from a highly desireable 'other'. Granted, I don't even drink alcohol and for some people blatant opportunity from a highly desireable partner might be an absolute impossibility. It's kind of like folks who say they couldn't shoot and kill another human being, the hypothetical situation might be ludicrously unlikely but as long as the trigger could be pulled, there is a situation where most would.

Of course, the above wouldn't work if a person has a seriously embarassing sexual issue like one of those pump type ED devices, a micropenis, a bad STD outbreak, paralyzing social anxiety, extremely low ability to become aroused etc. Saying there isn't a situation where one would be unfaithful is just about the same as saying that if their current partner died, they'd never take another partner. If that's the case, yeah, I'd believe them incapable of infidelity.

I have an idea! Perhaps branding a big letter "A" on the forehead of the offending party!

No, it's not the 17th century. Infidelity should not be illegal. It can be wrong, unethical, repugnant, and stupid - but not illegal. There can also be legal consequences of infidelity in a civil setting - divorce court, for example. But making infidelity illegal is the same as making marriage a prison. Ultimately, marriage is a voluntary institution, and trying to enforce criminal penalties (as opposed to civil ones) is, simply, wrong.

Sturluson said:

I have an idea! Perhaps branding a big letter "A" on the forehead of the offending party!

No, it's not the 17th century. Infidelity should not be illegal. It can be wrong, unethical, repugnant, and stupid - but not illegal. There can also be legal consequences of infidelity in a civil setting - divorce court, for example. But making infidelity illegal is the same as making marriage a prison. Ultimately, marriage is a voluntary institution, and trying to enforce criminal penalties (as opposed to civil ones) is, simply, wrong.

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Marriage is voluntary. Voluntarily begun and voluntarily ended, having criminal consequences for not respecting the person by infidelity doesn't make it a prison. Marriages can be ended with respect and diginity afforded to the person they loved enough to marry.

Having civil penalties for not respecting your marriage partner is reasonable and justifiable. Having criminal penalties tends to make marriage - oh yes - a prison. Prisons are not just about punishment, they are about retribution. Civil penalties are real, quantifiable and, for most people, painful. The distinctions are clear, immutable and compelling. They are quite obvious, also...

Enough of this jousting over black and white. It's more challenging to discuss shades of grey. Must get some work done!

you guys are working from the assumption that you will be able to prove it. Anybody that has sat in, or sat through a real divorce proceeding will know exactly how crooked that racket is and how truth and justice has no place in those hallowed halls.

And you're skipping over all the stories of redemption and forgiveness that don't make the news.

In any case, I'm not terribly worried that your vision of the government putting me to death for glancing sideways at another woman will come to pass. Too many politicians do a lot more than glance

How about setting an example for your friends and your children by being devoted to your own partner and let the rabble diddle and kill each other over it. Thats what I'm doing.

Well, in Virginia there is a code on the books making Adultery a crime.

18.2-365. Adultery defined; penalty. Any person, being married, who voluntarily shall have sexual intercourse with any person not his or her spouse shall be guilty of adultery, punishable as a Class 4 misdemeanor.


I'm not sure if anyone has been charged with this offense recently though.

James S, you hit the nail on the head. We should worry about ourselves, not the penalties for others.

Now I really have to get some work done...:laughing:

I have been married for 27 years in a week, and while I love my wife and cannot imagine being unfaithful, I also have trouble making moral issues illegal. Where does it stop? I know some will argue a lot of laws impose moral values, yes, to an extent, but this would be getting in deeper than I for one am comfortable with. Where does it stop if we do something like this? If you go that route, would not divorce be illegal as it is also breaking the marriage contract/vows? Till death do us part? No I dont think that would be a good idea...

While I agree infidelity is one of the worst things a person could do, fact is the idea of marriage is fundamentally flawed. While some people can certainly remain loyal to one partner, it's not inherent in our genetic makeup to do so. Therefore, infidelity shouldn't be illegal, and I'll go one step further and say that being married to more than one person at the same time should be allowed as well. The government shouldn't meddle in moral matters like this at all.

Drugs , prostitution, child support....all moral issues with criminal penalties. The practice in the US is to legislate morality. I'd support getting out of it alltogether and agree in that case infidelity shouldn't be illegal....

xochi said:

Drugs , prostitution, child support....all moral issues with criminal penalties. The practice in the US is to legislate morality. I'd support getting out of it alltogether and agree in that case infidelity shouldn't be illegal....

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Child support isn't a moral issue but rather is required because a child can't support themselves. Drugs and prostitution should both be legal to consenting adults. The police already have enough to do catching murderers and rapists without wasting time going after people who aren't harming others but just offending the sensibilities of some people. Sure, regulate and tax drugs and prostitution same as any other business, but otherwise don't meddle in someone's personal choices.

xochi said:

Drugs , prostitution, child support....all moral issues with criminal penalties.

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That is not universally true. You can find countries and even US states that don't have criminal penalties for those things.

As for me, marriage is purely a commitment between the married parties. I don't even like the state being involved in the granting of marriage licenses. What business is it of theirs? But I digress.

No, it should not be illegal. It's one of those acts that I personally find odious and that causes me to lose respect for the parties involved but it's not something that rises to the level of a crime, IMO.

powernoodle said:

I respectfully dissent from your assertion that everyone is capable of infidelity. I cannot fathom the circumstances under which I would be unfaithful.

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+1

jtr1962 said:

Child support isn't a moral issue but rather is required because a child can't support themselves. Drugs and prostitution should both be legal to consenting adults. The police already have enough to do catching murderers and rapists without wasting time going after people who aren't harming others but just offending the sensibilities of some people. Sure, regulate and tax drugs and prostitution same as any other business, but otherwise don't meddle in someone's personal choices.

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Child support is totally a moral issue. If a sperm contributor has no say in wether a child is brought to term yet is forced to support that child , the law is mandating he do the moral thing. Choosing to act as a father or not act as a father is totally a moral act. The actual birth of the child is decided completely by the owner of the womb. Mandating child support actually undermines solid relationships , natural selection and has made motherhood a means of earning a living. Not to mention the impact on children and society of fatherless kids brought about by the ease and celebration of single motherhood.

xochi said:

Child support is totally a moral issue. If a sperm contributor has no say in wether a child is brought to term yet is forced to support that child , the law is mandating he do the moral thing. Choosing to act as a father or not act as a father is totally a moral act. The actual birth of the child is decided completely by the owner of the womb. Mandating child support actually undermines solid relationships , natural selection and has made motherhood a means of earning a living. Not to mention the impact on children and society of fatherless kids brought about by the ease and celebration of single motherhood.

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If you look at it that way you're right. I thought you were referring to the fact that parents are supposed to support a child by law, not to fathers giving single mothers child support. Two entirely separate things. Yes, a child needs support from somebody, but if someone has an accident while having sex despite taking precautions to avoid pregnancy, and the women chooses to give birth against his wishes, then there should be no obligation on the part of the father.

While I hate the thought of MORE government, the argument that moral issues should not be legislated is moot.

EVERY crime is, at heart, a moral issue. Doing good vs. doing bad, which is morals in a nutshell.

Our whole legal system is based on moral issues and penalties for them. The initial laws given to Moses, the basis for the whole Judeo-Christian law process, was a moral code.

While I certainly hope that I would never commit an infidelity, I have seen too many good men placed in the wrong circumstances who did so. I believe that everyone is CAPABLE of infidelity, but that some are wise enough to not allow themselves to be placed in the circumstance that would lead to it.

As far as making it illegal, Virginia is certainly NOT the only state where it is illegal, but enforcement is virtually impossible. Idaho even has/had a "no fornication" law. (Defined as intercourse between two unmarried people before marriage) At least one nationally prominent case was prosecuted when a teenage girl became pregnant, (there is the evidence necessary!) and both teens were prosecuted. I don't remember how it ended, it has been several years, but I do remember it was a mess!!

Making it illegal won't stop it, humans have proven themselves incapable of self control under the wrong circumstances. Remember, Christian,Jewish and Muslim faiths long stoned to death or executed those caught in adultery and that didn't stop it, believing that some jail time will is naive.

Bill

Bill

jtr,

I would disagree on many facets.

The decision on whether to become a mother or father is made with the ACT, not the consequences. There are no "accidents" while having sex, the act itself has only one goal. NO preventative is 100% effective, and no one should believe they are. If someone is so naive as to believe that any is, they are too naive to be having sexual relations.

Supporting a child is, beyond any doubt, a moral issue, "doing the right thing". If you cause that child to be born, by taking part in any way in the conception, you have a moral obligation to care for it, regardless of whether or not there is a legal penalty for not doing so. In this case, I believe there should be legal ramifications as well as moral ones, since the child has no part in the decision process.

Bill

bwaites said:

While I certainly hope that I would never commit an infidelity, I have seen too many good men placed in the wrong circumstances who did so. I believe that everyone is CAPABLE of infidelity, but that some are wise enough to not allow themselves to be placed in the circumstance that would lead to it.

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Wise words.

Seems like these days, "It just happened...." when the reality is the act was sent in motion long before the consumation.

Perhaps it might lessen the frequency of it happening and perhaps some legal revenge might prevent more heinous acts from happening. I've never been in the situation but I'd be willing to bet that the feeling of powerlessness to any recourse contributes to at least some very violent overreactions. In these cases of violence people who hear about the violence frequently empathize, to a degree, with the agressor. The end result is that everyone is a victim of passion and the situation is a true tragedy.

I also believe that , to some extent, many situations involving infidelity also involve a host of other bad , impulse driven decisions and that just like situations of abuse there are those who regret the behaviour and would make legitimate efforts to make better decisions if assistance in making those decisions were available. If those who do care enough to change aren't pushed into a situation where confronting the real consequences of their actions is a necessity then why would they make a different decision in the future? Granted, all a court can do is mandate education or counseling to deal with the issue, but for some that will be enough for a positive change.

In addition to the aforementioned, elevating infidelity out of the status of Jerry Springer Drama to a serious act with broad consequence to innocents also elevates the seriousness of the decision to marry in the first place. At one point, a great deal of a persons life, livelihood and social stature, were intimately involved with the marital union. The community was enhanced and relied upon marriage just as the wedded did. These days our economic , social and other support structures are far less dependent on and supportive of the union. We've lost the signifigance of marriage and our attitudes towards it seem to have adjusted accordingly. If marriage really is important, shouldn't consequences of violating the vows amount to more than a less lucrative property division upon divorce?