What does a living will mean care wise in a nursing home?

Ok, this is second hand info from an experience where my mom is staying at a nursing home.

This lady was put into a the home by her son and he is just as rude as they get. He wants her to die, etc, drop dead, and all these other negative things so he can get her money. Its been told to me he actually said this and tells the nurses not to treat her, let her die, rot, etc, etc.

Anyway, my mom and a few other alert patients have asked about that. They said since he has power of attorney and she has a living will, they can not treat her, tube feed her, give her pain killers, etc. Just basic care like changing, bathing, doctor ordered meds and daily meals. Shes usually kept in the last room and you hear her complaining, making noises, etc.

Is this so? I thought a living will was like a DNR, basically they treat you til you die, then they do nothing to bring you back.

Just wondering.....

Basically, if the mother is not competent, then the son can withhold any "life extending" treatment. As we have seen in other cases, a husband can even withhold food and water from a wife in a nursing home--even if the wife's family is willing to take on the care and feeding themselves.

If the son, or anyone at the facility is actually cruel, hurting, or otherwise doing such harm, there should be a senior advocate that can step in (each state has its own specific laws)--or even just call the police.

However, if there is only one son and no husband or other siblings to get involved--then there is probably not much more that can be done for the mother.

Unfortunately, there is no law against being a jerk.

In the end, be very careful about who you pick to be the executor of your estate/living will (and who you sign power of attorney too)--and make sure that you are nice to them before you are checked into a care facility.

I have no other great insight other than that I have gone through with one parent and helping with another.

-Bill

PS: Also, I need to add that there are two sides to every story and the rumors that are spread around any place people congregate are, many times, blown way out of proportion. I would hope that the folks at the care facility are aware of any issues and have or will take care of them appropriately. -BB

That is one reason why it is a good idea to separate the powers you hand out. An example - we have a living trust. The executors of the $s are different than the people we have for caring for the children. Kind of a checks and balances setup.

HarryN said:

That is one reason why it is a good idea to separate the powers you hand out. An example - we have a living trust. The executors of the $s are different than the people we have for caring for the children. Kind of a checks and balances setup.

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A living trust is critical, but so is declaring your intentions about your care after incapacity. A more specific living will might cover the portions about how one is cared for.

On the other hand, does anyone believe in Karma?

It doesn't seem right that the son could withhold painkillers. On the other hand, physicians are terrified of prescribing narcotics. If the two-faced bleeps in Washington are serious about their war on terror, why don't they start with some of the more hideous agencies in the federal government?

If a person is deemed to have less than six months to live, then getting strong pain killers is usually not a problem. I wish I asked for them sooner for my father...

To understand if somebody is in pain, a good first guess is to feel how they respond to having an arm or leg moved. If they are stiff, then it is likely they are in pain (even if they are not capable of saying ouch). When I gave my dad the narcotic pain reliever, his limbs immediately relaxed.

Looking for hospice care (again six month rule), whether visiting nurses or all the way to a specialized facility, will usually help this process too. Checking with the person's doctor can get this care prescribed and some of the costs covered by insurance.

-Bill

Like I said, I really do not know all the details. I think as my mother leaves there I will talk to someone there or her son. Her son is rather old too and walks with a cane. Whats worse a young bratt or an old man doing that to his mother?

I will then just confir with my family on what to do. IF they would support me giving her tylenol, bayer for her pain. Shes asked for it before, but not me directly. Seems shes in there cause she suffered a fracture of her hip or tail bone and cause of the pain shes not as mobile as she use to be. I dont know all the details, but it seems to be a terminal fracture from what I understand that wont heal or something. Shes quasi famous and worth a lot of money and when she dies he stands to be an instant millionaire, at least what i have heard from others of what hes said out loud in one of many of his visits/arguements.

What a sad, distressing story. Makes me angry and depressed. Hope it is exaggerated.... But there are a lot of evil people out there, so I wouldn't be surprised if it were even worse.

If she actually has a well done living will, something in the posession of her doctor, lawyer etc. that should be what the nursing home people go by, even if the son has Power of Attorney.

In a living will, you can specify anything you want, (assuming that there are financial resources for it); for instance, my mother has a daily chocolate milkshake in hers, if she is capable of swallowing.

Without a living will, or a poorly done one, she maybe SOL, unless there is some sort of advocate who will get her appointed a ward of the state.

I hope she has a miraculous recovery and disinherits the bum.