Scholastically speaking, I was your son.
Behaviorally, outside of schoolwork, I was a good kid. (Or, at least intelligent and low-profile enough to not get caught.) That was actually part of the problem. Since I wasn't acting out "physically", my daily procrastination and refusal to do homework got overlooked. I'd get quarterly "Come to Jesus" meetings with my parents and teachers around report card time, but then I'd get ignored for another quarter. Maybe I'd get some monitoring now and again, assignment notes from teachers, or progress reports, but nothing would last.
I would exploit the inattention in the short term so I could screw around and procrastinate, but sub-consciously, in the long run, I'm positive that if made me despondent that nobody gave a damn. I'm sure you're a good parent, but whatever you're doing, you need to dig into your son's issues at a level that you might initialy think is a bit nuts, if you want to see results. As a boy, despite his issues, he's already been socialized enough to at least try and not show "weakness" to his peers or his family. He's not going to open up to you on his own, you need to dig in there and find out what's wrong.
Socially:
In the pecking order, I was somewhat of an outcast. I always had one or two good friends, but was never popular with anyone else. I guess you could say I was always on the lowest rung of the "normal" kids. Right beneath me was the border across which lay the true "freaks". It was a small school, and luckily for me it wasn't outright bullying or mistreatment. I was mostly tolerated by the other kids I was just teased and shunned for anything outside of school functions. I was mostly OK with it as I was strong willed enough, and didn't care too much about what people I didn't like thought of me. I really don't know what to tell you about your son's social issues, but I am unwilling to believe that your son is ostracized simply because you don't have cable TV or a PlayStation2. Even with all the fads and technology and pop-culture we now have, even since the 70's & 80's when we did most of our growing up, I can't believe that all kids today are that shallow. If they truly are teasing him over TV and video games (or the lack there of…) it's just a convenient vehicle for some other problem or weakness they percieve in him.
As adults we have a hard time watching the interactions of children, and fail to remember how deadly serious they felt at the time when we were that age. If you can, try and watch your son interacting with other kids, and try to see it through ten year-old eyes. (assuming you were "normal"/popular as a child) Is he acting like a kid you'd have picked on? Is he letting them get to him too easily?
Scholastics:
I was probably very advanced, but I was never offered any gifted programs. I was in public school until the 3rd grade, at which time my parents moved me to a small Catholic school. In first grade I read about 6th grade level, and by 4th grade I was reading full length adult novels for fun. (I remember my 5th grade teacher complaining that I was reading George Orwell's Animal Farm. I don't know what the big deal was as it was at least my second reading… LOL)
I continuously procrastinated or failed to do homework, and I got by as a "C" or a "D" student by doing well on tests, or occasionally doing some "social engineering" on my teachers by being bright in class, or turning in the occasional phenominal assignment. I was probably advanced in most everything but math. If he's got any attributes that would make you think he's gifted, such as reading above grade level, or a technical interest or skill that's beyond his years, see about getting him tested for your school's gifted program. You also need to involve his teacher. Get an assignment list every day, and demand that you be notified when any deadline is missed, not just big ones, or only after he's failed to do homework for a week or more.
ADD.
Get him tested. Find a doctor/clinic/program that's trustworthy and won't over-diagnose him, or medicate on a whim. I've been diagnosed as an adult with non hyperactive ADD. (Unfortunately, all the drugs made me sick…) And when there's no hyperactivity or acting out, ADD often goes undiagnosed. I do think that ADD is over-treated and over-diagnosed, however, I also believe that the upswing in ADD isn't entirely a fad either.
My personal theory is that the generations born in the 70's onward were the first to have heavy TV exposure. (Even if you don't have cable, 3-4 channels of broadcast are enough, IMO) The nature of TV programming, even in "good" or educational TV, such as editing, non-causality, non-linear, time-compression, and rapid cuts, might be doing something to kids brain formation. The jumpy editited nature of all television is just so at odds with real life, it's silly to completey discount that it could be doing something to the connections and pathways in the brain.
Parents:
Part of my issues were that while my parents were concerned, none of them had any idea how closely they needed to be watching me to ensure I was doing my schoolwork. They never really understood I had a "problem", and other than making me catch up, they wouldn't watch me on a regular basis. I wanted to scream at them. Why didn't they understand I would just slack off the minute they walked away? If your son is constantly failing to study and is behind in his homework, YOU need to sit there with him every night, it that's what it takes. If he's got a learning or emotional problem, you might have to do this for years until you can be sure his "study muscle" has formed properly. Since he's only ten, you've got four more years before he enters high school where his scholastic performance will start to affect his future.
As to the video game system, you can go ahead and get him one, but he needs to reach some set goals BEFORE he's even given the system, and keep meeting those goals to be able to use it. Your idea for "tickets" is a good one, but you can't just follow the system for a few months until things are looking better, then leave him to his own devices, you need to be consistent with this for YEARS, even if he's now doing better.
)
