what is it like to be married nowadays?

I wish to know how do you guys feel when you first got married. Did you have qualms about making this important decision?
I am just plain scare about dating women and the issue of marriage. I hear too many divorce stories that put a chill on my soul.

beats dating guys...

im married to drew barrymoore in my mind please dont wake me

Making the decision to enter marriage is a major commitment and monumental step in life. It should be entered into only after considerable thought and evaluation from both partners. It's okay to have qualms; you might want to worry if you don't.

With regards to your fears about dating, marriage, and potential pending adversity, it would appear that the apprehensions may be a bit more far reaching than what appears on the surface. It's something that you might want to discuss with a parent, spiritual counselor, or a mental health professional.

picard said:

Did you have qualms about making this important decision?
I am just plain scare about dating women and the issue of marriage. I hear too many divorce stories that put a chill on my soul.

Click to expand...

A potential life-mate should be a good friend first. For a long time, so you can see the other individual in many different situations (and vice-versa).

picard said:

I hear too many divorce stories that put a chill on my soul.

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The good news is that you don't actually have to get divorced after you get married - despite what the statistics imply.

The best plan is to only marry somebody that you won't want a divorce from later.

Pretty big help, eh?

Jean-Luc,

Do not marry Vash, she's no good for you!

I wonder how many divorces CPF has caused, I bet at least one....

What Darell said.

I wouldn't trade it for being single again. :green:

Dating does not have to lead to marriage.

Marriage does not have to end in divorce.

However, Marriages that don't end in divorce end in death. Think about it.


Seriously, a long engagement makes for a more certain mariage. I've been single 3 times and hopefully will never be again. It's that nice when it's right.

Daniel

Well let's see, My wife and I have a clear-the-room-here-they-go-again type of disagreement about once every 2-3 months. I wonder why I married her about twice a year. I wonder why she married/puts up with me about twice a week <grin>.

She's nursed me through two major surgeries and a brief period of unemployment. I've supported her through two masters degrees and a career shift.

I love her cooking, I hate her messy nature. She loves my "mr. fixit" ability and hates my guns.

She buys shoes and I buy flashlights and we both smile at each other and say "that's nice dear".

We've been married nearly 5 years and I wouldn't trade a second of it ESPECIALLY if it meant getting back into the dating scene! There were just too damn many sharks in that pond!

Don't just marry someone you can live with. Marry someone you can't live without.

Hmm... qualms about making that decision...

not at all. It is more a feeling of when you can imagine anything with that person. Getting married was simply paperwork and a party for the family - in our relationship nothing really had changed still the same anything is possible with the partner.

I was dating a lot, but never wanted to get married. Then one day I met my wife, and suddenly anything is possible... and it has been the best decision in my life....

My suggestion just start dating, have fun, enjoy life and never say never....

Met my wife on a Thursday. Went out on Saturday. Been together ever since. For me, finding the right person meant having no doubts or fears. I've been a best man twice and a groomsman a few times and most of the grooms were nervous the morning of their weddings. The morning of my wedding day I was calm and excited and as a matter of fact I shot the best round of golf in my life! I was never nervous about anything. I think your partner should make you feel that way. But that's just me

Most people that have gone beyond their youthful years can look back on their life, and the foolish things they've done, and wonder how we survived. Some of us will recognize that the grace of someone besides ourselves saw us through, and it wasn't our own wits or cleverness that bought the survival. "Deserving" or "worthiness" had little to do with it.

After 39 years of marriage, I can draw a parallel. Looking back, I can see many reasons why the "survival" of our marriage involved much more than any "deserving" involved on my part. It too involved the grace of someone besides myself. That someone of course is much more tangible and visible in the relationship than in the parallel recklessness of my youth. I'm not deserving; I'm fortunate and blessed. I would count her, my wife, as worthy. She would likely offer the same argument as I. It would take a lot to invalidate all that she has given.

There are no guarantees. Marriage survives through love and grace. When you get right down to it, love requires as an absolute, that you make yourself vulnerable.

Empath- Congrats on 39 years of marriage!

Picard- Forget about marriage and start dating. Have fun. Even when you find the one, you don't have to marry her. My g/f and I are a case in point; six years together as a couple and although we plan to spend our lives together, we have no plans to get married. Good luck.


Cheers. :buddies:

Well said empath.
I ll pray that my marriage of 5 months now to be as ever lasting till death.

A married person feels more complete as a whole individual.

As what Razor said:
Don't just marry someone you can live with. Marry someone you can't live without.

Its fun to be married. My wife is my best friend and we gossip a lot

Diesel - hate to tell you this - but I believe that some states would consider you already married... I believe it's called a common law marriage...

There is something special about someone that knows all of your faults - especially the ones that you don't know about - and who still chooses to stay with you - regardless of what may come. Someone who will stand with you, even if the rest of the world is against you. Someone who will believe in you when everyone else tells you that you can't do it. There is also something special about making a decision to stand with someone, regardless of their faults and regardless of what life throws at them. This can not be matched by any form of dating.

The biggest thing that we've learned about marriage is that in the end, it is a decision. The people who divorced had to decide at some point to divorce. In our marriage, divorce is not an option - so we are forced to make things work - regardless of how we feel. Even if you find the "perfect" mate, she WILL irritate you at some point and you WILL make her mad at some point. Both of you WILL have periods of time where you wonder why you got married. If you follow your feelings, you'll get a divorce. Feelings are a fickle thing and are apt to change at a moments notice - that's why a firm decision and the commitment to stick with it are so important. I heard someone say that if you fall in love, you can fall out of it. Once you get past the initial attraction, love is a decision to stick by someone regardless of what may happen.

The important thing is that if there is no "escape clause" (divorce) then you WILL get through it and be better for it. If you're on a burning ship and there are no life rafts, you WILL figure out a way to work together to put out the fire. We've been married for close to 10 years and have had to put out our fair share of fires. Yes - there were times where we really wished that we had life rafts and we both wondered who had the dumb idea to ditch the rafts... but it has always worked out for the better.

By the way, am I saying that all divorces are bad? Absolutely not. There are some situations where it is the best option (i.e. an abusive spouse that refuses to change).

I've been married for allmost a year now and love it. I even met her off the internet. How crazy is that? We dated for three years too. There are things I miss like being able to do what ever I want, whenever I want and buy what I want but I really enjoy my life now. It really sucks being alone or dating someone that you aren't sure you are going to spend the rest of your life with. I'm glad I've settled down and its helped me become more mature and a better person. Before I was married, I was horrible at saving money and didn't allways make wise desicions. I still get to buy flashlights once in a while though Its also nice knowing that I'm going to be comming home to her after work (or whatever) instead of an empty home.

We have been married for 27 years and it takes work on both sides. Both have to compromise a bit now and then for the other. I sure would not tradeit for dating. If you work a bit at keeping romance alive, flowers, surprises etc. it can last forever, and it is worth it.