I despise freeloaders!

A very close friend of mine who I have known for a very long time used to live with her Mom (much older siblings moved out already) and she moved out about 9-10 years ago to live her own life. Her Mom was very lonely after she left so her sister and brother-in-law started staying at her house. They would stay about every other weekend, then every weekend, then weekends turned to weekdays and now they stay there ALL the time. They have their own house 90 miles away from her that they haven't slept at in over 2 years. When they do go home they go for the day and come right back. Their house is infested with mice from no activity and was even broken into and vandalized years ago because they are never there. Their house is a little shack in the country that is now over-run with weeds, and don't even get me started on how crappy it looks from being so negleted all these years.
The thing is, the sister and bro-in-law are totally taking advantage of the Mother in every way possible. She has basically surrendered her house to these pigs just for the sake of not being alone. The Mom pays for groceries and she pays all the bills and is basically carrying them and they just keep on using her. They don't work either!!! The Mom is 76 years old and she still works because she is in so much debt. The sister is 55 and the bro-in-law is 70. Here's what they do all day: sleep til' at LEAST noon. Get up, sit in the kitchen, smoke cigarettes and cigars, drink coffee, take pills, eat, watch tv, go back to bed about 2 P.M. At around 6 or 7 P.M. they get up and do the same thing then about 10 P.M. they go back to bed. At around 3 A.M. they get up, do the same thing and then by 6 A.M. or so, it's nappy time again. This has been going on for YEARS!!! They are lazy, they don't do anything, they don't clean anything, the house is filthy. The walls are BLACK from all of the cigarette/cigar smoke and the Mom doesn't even smoke!! You could scrape the nicotine off with a knife, that's how gross the house is. I know the Mom is a huge enabler and I have been telling her for years to kick their asses out and regain her house but she won't do it. It makes me sick and I hate them for what they are doing to her. She told me they are going home in a couple of weeks, ya right! They have been saying that for 2 years and even IF they do go home, they will be there less than a week and they will come right back to Mama's to freeload off of her some more. I despise them! I am close enough to the family to tell them off but she has asked me not to and out of respect for her, I have held my tongue but it's getting very difficult to continue to do so.
Thanks for letting me vent!

Any thoughts on this...........?

Many...most of them better not said. Tough situation and a "sorry" one as well. These sometimes become one way streets I'm afraid...



Karlthev

Man... that really stinks. But there's really not much you can do about it. Unless... play with your flashlight collection at night into the "guests" window and freak them out to the point they are scared away.

chocolatelab33 said:

I despise freeloaders!

Click to expand...

Lisa, welcome to the GOP...

attempts to make the situation funnya aside, it is a terrible situation, and I have family friends whose kids are doing EXACTLY the same ting, except the mother pays for the morgage too

Here is what you could to. Tell your firend to invite her mother to live with her for a few weeks. If there is no free handouts, the freeloaders may turn to else where for ways to live on...

of course tell the mother to take away anything valuable in the house to prevent the obvious...

ChocolateLab33 said:

A very close friend of mine who I have known for a very long time used to live with her Mom (much older siblings moved out already) and she moved out about 9-10 years ago to live her own life. Her Mom was very lonely after she left so her sister and brother-in-law started staying at her house. They would stay about every other weekend, then every weekend, then weekends turned to weekdays and now they stay there ALL the time. They have their own house 90 miles away from her that they haven't slept at in over 2 years. When they do go home they go for the day and come right back. Their house is infested with mice from no activity and was even broken into and vandalized years ago because they are never there. Their house is a little shack in the country that is now over-run with weeds, and don't even get me started on how crappy it looks from being so negleted all these years.
The thing is, the sister and bro-in-law are totally taking advantage of the Mother in every way possible. She has basically surrendered her house to these pigs just for the sake of not being alone. The Mom pays for groceries and she pays all the bills and is basically carrying them and they just keep on using her. They don't work either!!! The Mom is 76 years old and she still works because she is in so much debt. The sister is 55 and the bro-in-law is 70. Here's what they do all day: sleep til' at LEAST noon. Get up, sit in the kitchen, smoke cigarettes and cigars, drink coffee, take pills, eat, watch tv, go back to bed about 2 P.M. At around 6 or 7 P.M. they get up and do the same thing then about 10 P.M. they go back to bed. At around 3 A.M. they get up, do the same thing and then by 6 A.M. or so, it's nappy time again. This has been going on for YEARS!!! They are lazy, they don't do anything, they don't clean anything, the house is filthy. The walls are BLACK from all of the cigarette/cigar smoke and the Mom doesn't even smoke!! You could scrape the nicotine off with a knife, that's how gross the house is. I know the Mom is a huge enabler and I have been telling her for years to kick their asses out and regain her house but she won't do it. It makes me sick and I hate them for what they are doing to her. She told me they are going home in a couple of weeks, ya right! They have been saying that for 2 years and even IF they do go home, they will be there less than a week and they will come right back to Mama's to freeload off of her some more. I despise them! I am close enough to the family to tell them off but she has asked me not to and out of respect for her, I have held my tongue but it's getting very difficult to continue to do so.
Thanks for letting me vent!

Any thoughts on this...........?

Click to expand...

Yes, Basically I have a Little Plan... It may be too basic, but It had worked for several of my friends (which includes native American) who had similar situation.... it works at my place too....

Plan is Simple
Stage 1) Ask Your friend to visit her mom often...
Stage 2) Your friend starts to 'plan' a come back....
Stage 3) Your friend 'dis respects' the 'Guests'...
Stage 4) Your friend 'plans to complain' 911 (basically) .. one fine day
Stage 5) Some time or the other the 'Guests' will get sorta fedup
Seage 6) Your friend should not 'Give Up'

Well all of these things Involve 'Your Friend' and i feel that you should first try to convince her first....

It could take about a week to a couple of weeks.

Lastly, Suggest Your friend not to keep her parents lonely.... even if she has 'left for good'.. she can still be in touch...

It probably won't help, but many states have elder abuse hot-lines and/or other agencies specifically assigned to task the task of protecting seniors.

But, if you friend's Mom volunteered for the living conditions--there is probably not much that can be done unless the "kids" are doing something that either leaves marks on Mom or are selling drugs (which still may be difficult to get the cops to do anything about).

Good Luck,
-Bill

PS: By the way, in many (if not all) states, the "kids" probably also have the right of tenancy--so if they refuse to leave--Mom would probably have to start an eviction.

And, I believe that there was a very recent case where the cops asked one member of a household if they could search the place (don't remember what for) and it was decided that the police could not legally search without the OK by the other tenants too--so the police may not even be able to help much just on Mom's word either (at least without a warrant).

Is anyone on parole (worth a shot)??? Is there any minor child that lives or visits the home (child protective services)??? Call the senior abuse line/police when Mom just happens to be very sick with the flu or cold (might provide an excuse for a search/protection order)???

-BB

I am not good at this but here goes


I have a friend who I have known since I was 6 years old.

his name is tim.



he and his brother mike have lived at home with mom and dad their whole lives - they do not pay any bills or rent.

they are both over 40 years old.

dad was a retired postal worker

mike usually has a job.

tim worked for 6 months at a hanna car wash - years ago.

tim all ways stinks - he showers every other month.

years ago I tried to get tim a production operator's job where I worked - If he would clean himself up - he told me that I was a slave - he did not want a job like mine - I was a technician.


tim's dad died a while ago - mom pays tim 10 bucks a hour to work on their small 3 bedroom house.

my friend tim has never had to buy a roll of toilet paper to wipe his own @$$.


thru another friend - I know a person who lives at home - with mommy and daddy at the age of 45.

he has 3 kids one of which lives with him - and mom and dad.


oh I will post this one later - really disgusting

It's a sad situation that I've seen before. While it borders on elder abuse, it doesn't quite qualify.

And just to interject a little ironic humor ... since the whole situation is really kind of a travesty ...

What is Mom going to do, when brother-in-law drops dead? Is she going to pick up the tab for the funeral/cremation as well?

Since mom is only 6 years older than da bum/deadbeat and his life pattern is as you describe, I'm putting my money on Mom outliving this guy. ... and she may even have to bury that daughter of hers. The pattern that you describe for those two sound pathologically wrong, almost like that of psychotic patients off their meds.

In any case, you might want to suggest to your friend that she help her mom locate any financial resources that the daughter/son-in-law might have as she might need those to attend to their affairs later.

ChocolateLab33 said:

Any thoughts on this...........?

Click to expand...

Your story is just as sad. Now would it surprise you if I told you that there are folks like that who spend their days (and evenings) on the internet? Wish I was kidding ...

markdi said:

my friend greg has never had to buy a roll of toilet paper to wipe his own @$$.

Click to expand...

I moved out of my parents house when I was 19

I pay my own way in this world

I do not talk to greg very often - I can walk to his house or my mom's house in about 2 minutes.

he borrowed one of my cheap scopes - a tektronix tds 220

he damaged it and refused to pay to have it fixed - he has the money - no bills - works for mommy.

please forgive me - if I ruined this thread

Brighteyez said:

It's a sad situation that I've seen before. While it borders on elder abuse, it doesn't quite qualify.

And just to interject a little ironic humor ... since the whole situation is really kind of a travesty ...

What is Mom going to do, when brother-in-law drops dead? Is she going to pick up the tab for the funeral/cremation as well?

Since mom is only 6 years older than da bum/deadbeat and his life pattern is as you describe, I'm putting my money on Mom outliving this guy. ... and she may even have to bury that daughter of hers. The pattern that you describe for those two sound pathologically wrong, almost like that of psychotic patients off their meds.

In any case, you might want to suggest to your friend that she help her mom locate any financial resources that the daughter/son-in-law might have as she might need those to attend to their affairs later.

Click to expand...

I've asked myself the same question about the bro-in-law dying before the Mom. If that was the case, I guess the daughter would finally have to sell the house they don't live in so she could pay for the funeral, or maybe one of his kids from a previous marriage (sis and bro-in-law don't have kids together) could pay for the funeral. Their house is such a shack now, I don't think they would get much for it. I also know that they get around $1500 a month from a disability check that he (bro-in-law) receives and I know they are hoarding money while Mom pays for eveything, not ALOT of money, but still they are saving behind her back. I told the Mom she created these monsters! My friend has tried over and over to talk to her sister about selling their house and she just gets quiet or tries to change the subject every time.

270winchester said:

Lisa, welcome to the GOP...

attempts to make the situation funnya aside, it is a terrible situation, and I have family friends whose kids are doing EXACTLY the same ting, except the mother pays for the morgage too

Here is what you could to. Tell your firend to invite her mother to live with her for a few weeks. If there is no free handouts, the freeloaders may turn to else where for ways to live on...

of course tell the mother to take away anything valuable in the house to prevent the obvious...

Click to expand...

You know, my friend actually did ask her Mom to do that and she won't. She somehow feels obligated to the freeloaders or something. The reason she doesn't want me or my friend to butt in is because she is afraid we will **** off the freeloaders and they will leave. ISN'T THAT THE IDEA????? Then she would be home by herself. I told her to come and stay with me then! She won't. This is a lost cause. It's quite pathetic.

If Mom won't do anything about it, if she knows what is going on and still refuses to "be alone" no matter what, then stop wasting your time worrying about it.

Sounds harsh, but what Mom is doing is "enabling" the freeloaders to be that way. No one can get away with being a leech unless the one being sucked dry allows it to happen.

Since she allows it, she doesn't deserve your sympathy. Point blank.

dragoman

PS - know it seems harsh, but its the truth

Reminds me of that joke 'How do you know if some deadheads spent the night? They're still there.'

dragoman said:

If Mom won't do anything about it, if she knows what is going on and still refuses to "be alone" no matter what, then stop wasting your time worrying about it.

Sounds harsh, but what Mom is doing is "enabling" the freeloaders to be that way. No one can get away with being a leech unless the one being sucked dry allows it to happen.

Since she allows it, she doesn't deserve your sympathy. Point blank.

dragoman

PS - know it seems harsh, but its the truth

Click to expand...

I totally agree with you and I'm trying to not let it bother me but the Mom is such a good person and I hate what they are doing to her. Like I told her, she created these monsters. I despise them!

Well, the frickin' freeloaders have been saying now that they are going to be going home for a while. BULLSH**!!! They are so full of it. They have been saying this for months and are still there. I was in the house recently to pick up the Mom to take her out and the house is so smoke damaged from cigarettes/cigars that it actually looks like they had a fire in it and have major smoke/soot damage, but there was no fire. Damn, it's nasty. If I can sneak a camera in there in the coming weeks or something, I'll take some pictures and post them. YUK!!! Sorry if I'm repeating myself, but man it's gross.

my cousin's in a similar situation! right out of college, he impregnates my cousin, he gets a job, in jan. '01, quits in june(demanded more money from go.com). this forces my cousin to work, go to school, and support the baby. this goes on for two years. she graduates with a B.A., he "still looking for work". she continues her education, masters degree, works, and takes the child to daycare. the deadbeat meanwhile is cheating on her, evident from the girls he is purportedly is helping in their computer classes.
two years ago, he convinces her to move to a larger apt. a whole floor, so that he can bring his parents and younger sister(currently in college, so she cannot contribute financially). my cousin pays the rent for the apt. meanwhile, my cousin never told her parents about the move, she told me not to tell them either. i dont. they found out later when they visit them in their old apt, only to find new residents.
too late, but i had it out with the husband! that was two years ago. he wanted to go out to his girlfriend and wanted her to come home right away to watch the baby. i am getting all this because he called my cell phone to reach my cousin, she ignores his call on her cell phone. well, we were shopping for food for her family. i connected him to my girl friends cell phone who was with my cousin at the time in some aisle in the shopping center.
i hear him cursing at her.
this pissed me off, so when we get back to the apt. i tell him never to curse on my cell phone again. never curse at my cousin. he attempts to kick me out of the apt. but i tell "you dead beat" " she's paying the rent, she's supporting you and your dead beat family, get a job, be a man and help out! he storms out of the apt.
now my cousin will be getting her masters degree in dec 06. the kid will be going to kindergarten in sept '06. and do you think the husband has a job yet?
do you think his family moved out of the apt yet?
now they all have cell phones in her family plan, so you know she too is paying for that.
my brother in law, a mellow ,mild cop, wants to rub him out(jokingly of course). i was ready to do the same that day.

Why don't you print an edited version of this thread and send it to the siblings

It is difficult to help those who will not help themselves.

Karl

Throughout history there have always been freeloaders. My motto is, don't accommodate them in the first place. Took me a long time to adopt this principle after many personal losses and wearing the "Kick Me" sign too long. Your freeloader will turn to stealing and other crimes once they catch on to the fact you no longer allow them to tread on you. Ask the freeloader, what they bring to the table and see their inappropriate defense mechanisms go into overdrive!