A week from Hell...

Well, the title says it all... My week was hell. Why?

Monday I got a phonecall from my mother. She asked if Me and my girlfriend would come over on thursday evening. She called my sister too. My parents had something 'serious' to tell, and it couldn't be told over the phone. If you'd know my parents, you'd know that this is really strange behaviour, so I immediately knew something was very very wrong. And I had 4 days left to think about all nasty things that could be happening...

Yesterday evening, my mother told us that she wants to divorce my father, after more than 35 years of marriage. It was like being hit in the gut with a sledgehammer, of all the ugly scenarios we thought up and sort of prepared us for, we didn't see this one coming. As it seemed their relationship had only become stronger over the last few years.

My parents were alwas rolemodels to me when it comes to relationships. The fact that they are both such completely different people, but always could make things work out for the best, truly made them the schoolbook example of the 'for better of worse' vows. That image is now shattered to a million pieces.

I just needed to get this off my chest, I just don't know what to say anymore now... So I'll just shut up and try to process all of this. Thanks for listening (or reading actually)

Jeez May, truly sorry. Stay in bed this coming Monday.


:buddies:

Single worst day of my life was when I was 10 and my parents told me they were getting a divorce. Sorry May, I feel for you.

Sorry to hear that. I wish there was something I could say to make it better but there probably isn't.

I guess the main thing to remember is that they are adults and have to make their own decisions in life. It took me a long time to realize that even our parents are their own unique selves. They are just as human as we all are. They will never be perfect just as we will never be. Sometimes they will make mistakes, just like us. Sometimes they will do things that make no sense to anyone else, just like us.
It is hard to think of parents as mere mortals but that is what they are. Everyone has their own soul, their own agenda, their own thoughts, their own fears, and their own life.
When Jesus looked down from the cross at his Mother and said "Woman behold thy son." it kinda puts it in perspective.
Just because we grew up calling them Mom and Dad does not make them any more Gods than the rest of us.

Just remember that to honor your Mother and your Father does not mean to agree with everything they say or do. It means to live your life in a way that honors them and their name. The way we live should be honorable no matter what they do in their lives.

I am sorry if none of this made any sense.
God bless and prayers sent for the entire family.
Jeff

It Feels Extremely painfull and Akward when you see your parents seperate after seeing them together.

Sorry and my condolences.

Wow, sorry about that. That really sucks. Hope everything works out for the best.

Sorry to hear that
Least your grown, and out of the house, etc.
but that must be hard to handle any time of your life.

~John

Sorry to hear that MC, being completely unexpected like that must have hit very hard.

When I started reading your post I thought they may have had some horrible news about the health of one of them; at least you still have them both even if they aren't together.

All the best adjusting to this big change as quickly as possible.

Andrew

:buddies: :buddies:

Thanks guys...

I know it is for the best this way. The way this is all happening they can at least go their separate ways and still be friends (looking forward to the awkward situations at birthday parties already :laughing. If they would have stayed together, sooner or later the situation would have exploded. So I guess this is better.

With the wat this whole thing went down, I was actually very relieved that the bad news was 'just a divorce' and not somebody ill, dead or both. At least they told my sister that it wasn't a matter of life and death when they called her...

I guess you can take solace in the fact that you still have both of them in your life, one way or another. I hope that with time you will be ok with everything that has happened.

And why not treat yourself to a flashlight!

My parents had been married for over 27½ years when my mom filed for divorce in 1989. Although it didn't come as much of a shock since they argued constantly it nevertheless hurt. Shortly afterwards my father had his first heart attack and that left things in limbo for a while. Because of the usual delays in the courts it turns out my parents were still married and living under the same roof when my father died this past March but for a long time it had been a marriage in name only. In the end I suppose this worked out for the best despite the arguments. It was certainly better for both of them financially. And at least my dad didn't die alone far away from family.

Things like this are never easy but the way the courts are if there are significant marital assets it may well take a decade before the divorce becomes finalized and your parents start leading separate lives. The divorce proceedings for my parents were actually still ongoing (for the 17th year) when my dad died.

That's pretty strange that you had no inkling of this happening. Did she make this decision recently or has this been on her mind for a long time? Is your Father going along with her decision?

Lightmeup said:

That's pretty strange that you had no inkling of this happening. Did she make this decision recently or has this been on her mind for a long time? Is your Father going along with her decision?

Click to expand...

They are not fighting or anything. My mom just feels they have grown apart, and that there just isn't enough left of their relationship to call it a marriage. The decision was as much of a surprise to my day as it was to the rest of us, but he had known for a week when they told us.

I can understand my mothers decision, even though I don't like it. My father has ADD (just like me and my sister), but this diagnose was only made a few years ago. For over 20 years my mother stayed with him even though he could be a real pain to be around. She has always made a tremendous effort to keep things going and to make sure that my dad was doing ok. She has sacrificed a lot of herself for their relationship and to keep him going.
But now as my dad has been diagnosed with ADD a few years back and he is now on medication, I think now she finally feels that he is able to deal with this situation.

I don't think the actual legal part of the divorce will be much of a problem. They are not out to hurt eachother or gain as much as possible. And ofcourse I've told them that if it gets ugly, my sister and me will kick their arse....

Well, I hope it works out as well as possible for all involved. These kinds of situations are always difficult to deal with. When I look at my parents' marriage, I sometimes wonder how they ever managed to stay together. I know I would not have put up with it. But everybody has their own thresholds and needs, and only they can really know when it is time to throw in the towel.