FREE Free-Light and much more!

HEY!! This will be a great opportunity for me to turn on the poll function!! We'll do it for this only for now and see how it goes. When the contest closes, I'll make the poll and turn it on. It will be a seperate thread. And the best part is that only registered members can vote, they can only vote once, and they can't see the results until they vote! Let me know when you want the poll made and what entries you want voted on and I'll be more than happy to set it up. This will be fun!

Non-participant

Well this is not exactly a joke but something my wife told me she told a woman at work" I'M SMARTER THAN YOU AND I'M DUMB" when this other girl told her something too stupid for repeating.
Sorry if it does not fit the critera.

A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy wheeling along two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time.

The guy replies "Sure, which country?"

The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!"

"Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there."

"That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!"

"Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?"

"Well, actually, the novelty's kinda worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours."

The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900.

The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is your new hi-tech watch- Oh," he says, wheeling the two suitcases over as well, "Here are the batteries."

That's pretty good, Wingerr.

Yes, a FREE Free-Light and much much more. Read on.

Well, it's not exactly free lunch but very close. I am opening a contest, and the winner will take all the prizes (less one, see details) listed below. Partially inspired by Mr. Bulk's "Joke" post a few days ago, and since this is a long weekend... I also hope that this will help us to keep our spirits up during the time of painful memory.

Prizes: yes, more than one.
The winner will receive some Flash Lights, Pens, and Knives. These should satisfy almost everybody.
1. Lights: NIB free light. CMG Ultra-G, new. CMG Infinity white LED, old but unused. Princeton Tec Attitude, red case, white LED, less than 1 minute use. Total worth? - you guys know better than I do.
2. Pens: Two(2) Visconti Pericles 2001 Rollerball pens. Blue and Amber body. These pens take standard size roller refill. Visconti is an Italian pen company located in Florence, producing very high quality pens in small numbers. Then there're Lamy Roller and Ballpoint set. Brushed stainless body, high quality and workmanship, made in Germany. All these pens come from my collection (I'm not really a collector). I will add two(2) Pilot G-2 click pens in blue, not that they are fancy pens, but I like them. Also, G-2 refills happen to fit in Viscintis perfect. Combined, they are more than $200 value.
3. Knives: Twe(2) Swiss-Army for golfers. These unique knives pack essential golf tools besides their usual blade and things. Green and Red, for Him and Her. Never used. Next, Swiss-Army key holder. This device includes a small leather pouch encasing a small gentlemen's knife, and two quick links. One of the quick link is detachable for valet keys. Brown leather, red knife, very well made, never used. And next, two(2)Richartz Solingen camping knives. These German knives are similar in concept with Swiss-Army knives, but produced in German style (imho). These thing will split in two pieces and become a fork-and-kinfe for your field needs. And they also contain usual useful tools. Metal body, never used. And last, small Spyderco pocket knife. This is one of their older designer series, Wayne G. I believe, small size. G-10 handle, Seki, Japan, very well made, never used. Total value, not sure but close to $200, maybe more.
4. Free shipping: to any domestic USA destinations. For a foreign address, I will need some help.
5. Bragging right: this will be priceless.

The Contest: now the rules.
This contest is for the best joke.
1. Should be funny, otherwise it is not a joke.
2. Should be a constructive nature with good moral(s).
3. Let's keep it around PG-13 category. Remember, we have Erica, and we don't want her BIG-Brother censor this thread.

Details: if you want to enter, you need to read.
1. Open to ALL CPF members, but members only.
2. Strictly one entry per member, your best shot.
3. All entries will be judged by other members, based on above criteria. All members will be eligible for one vote. Whoever gathers most vote will win.
4. The contest will be open for 10 days. 8-31-02 Noon, to 9-10-02 Noon, all PST. Voting will be open till 9-14-02 Noon, PST. No exceptions.
5. All entries and votings will happen in this thread, as well as any questions and comments. Please do not send any emails or PMs to me.
6. In case of a tie, we will have a tie-breaker. Details to be figured out, if needed.
7. Contest Modrerator (simply CM): Now we need a volunteer. The first one to respond will take the job. CM will, well, moderate the event. CM will count the votes, disqualifies and manages any violations of contest rules, and advertise the event. CM will be rewarded with ANY one item from the prize list, CM's choice. The winner will take the rest.
8. Once the contest ends, the winner will be selected and announced as soon as CM can tally.

Fine Prints: a few things.
1. If there're less than 12 entries, I will dismiss the whole event. Yes, no prizes at all.
2. Less than 20 votes, the same bad thing will happen.
3. If more than 6 entries entered and the event dismisses, I will send the Free-Light to CM (no choice), but no contest winner.
4. Remember, you can send the entry AND vote. No brainer here??
5. CM can email me, PM me, call me, buy me lunch, or anything to keep the event eventful and fun.
6. I may delete or substitute some prizes if any unpredictable situation happens around me. Very unlikely I'm sure.
7. I may edit this post if I realize I forgot something, or something like that.
8. AND I declare that, absolutely, I am not and will not be responsible for anything whatsoever. You are entering the contest and (maybe) receiving the prizes at your own risk, whatevet that means. Sorry, I guess I better say this.

PLEASE... I am doing all this with very good intention and spirit. So, let's keep it that way. Any constructive comments, questions for unclear items, any suggestions or help will be always welcome.

NOW, Lady(ies???) and Gentlemen, start your...

A flashaholic was walking in from the parking lot when another flashaholic walks up with a shiny new flashlight.

"Where did you get such a great light?" asked the first.

The second flashaholic replied "Well, I was walking along last night minding my own business when a beautiful woman walked up carrying this flashlight. She threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.' "

The second flashoholic nodded approvingly "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

So do these have to be ORIGINAL jokes, or can they be ones we've read on the internet over the years?

Oh yeah, on behalf of all of CPF, I would like to say THANK you VERY much! I probably wont enter this because I am not funny and that is just way too much stuff, lol. I'd be estatic for a select 3 things. I think if I were the winner I'd recieve the prize, but give something to a few of the lower places.

Anyway, I guess I will post a joke. This won't be funny at all unless you are science minded (like me).

An undergraduate is performing an experiment to determine how far a frog can jump when exposed to different stimuli. The first jump goes something like this: "Jump frog, Jump!" *Writes down* "Frog jumps 65 cm". The undergrad then pulls off one of the frogs front legs. "Jump frog Jump!" The frog then jumps 30 cm. The student then pulls off the other front leg. "Jump frog, Jump!" The student then records the next jump as 20 cm. The student then pulls off one of the rear legs. "Jump frog, Jump!" The student records a new jump of 8 cm. The student pulls off the last leg and says "Jump frog, Jump!". The frog does nothing. "Jump frog, JUMP!" Still, nothing. "Jump FROG, JUMP!" Still nothing, so the student records.....

Wait for it.....

"Frog goes deaf."

Spud

Edit:

DANG IT! I just saw that the CM gets their pick of ANY one thing! Stupid computer! I was messing with my desk top for several minutes or I would have had the first post!

I am gonna go kick myself and my computer (not this one, the laptop though).

Can we enter more than once? I hope so...here's entry #1 from me...

Saaby is a genius!

Hey Saaby, see details No.2. Being Saaby, I will discount your #1 unless you want to keep.

I need CM, please. Remember CM can enter as well. If CM wins, I guess I will save on one shipping cost.

Ding. And Saaby falls by the wayside:

In violation of:

Details: if you want to enter, you need to read.

Click to expand...

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and

2. Strictly one entry per member, your best shot.

Click to expand...

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and of course, the ever-important:

1. Should be funny, otherwise it is not a joke.

Click to expand...

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry bub.

But wait! Unless some wacko thinks this is somehow funny - this is NOT my entry.

** edit: Damn, CCW beat me to it. **

I wonder if I should be CM? What if I suck at it? I didn't see anywhere in the rules that the CM would have to be good at what he does. Sounds like I might be able to handle the job.

Originally posted by Saaby:
Can we enter more than once? I hope so...here's entry #1 from me...

Saaby is a genius!

Click to expand...

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sabby,

Read the rules!

"2. Strictly one entry per member, your best shot.
"

I'll volunteer for CM. I should be able to get the votes tallied quickly after the end since I have a class off around that time (I think, not sure what noon PST time is here in central time) but I should have a class off around then. Anyway, unless somebody else gets this in before me, I will volunteer for CM.

Spud

I don't know if darrel really counts as CM because he isn't sure if he wants to be....(then again he can change that in seconds with a quick edit and have beat me to it ;-) ) But he wouldn't do that. I'm sure of it. That Darell (one R, two L's) is a bastion of morality. Yeah, now that I remember that, DaRReL is a good guy like that. I prefer (I mean Darell prefers) to think of it as "Dare" followed by two L's. Makes me (I mean him) sound more dangerous that way. Yeah, DaRReL ( ;-) ) is real dangerous.

Ok, enough kidding with DaRReL

Thanks guys.

It's all a big joke! If I were a genius I would have read the rules

Ok ok ok sorry...shame on me, I'll put myself in time out and think of a better joke.

Now if it only had a built-in HID light with Infinity run time-

Originally posted by Saaby:
It's all a big joke! If I were a genius I would have read the rules

Click to expand...

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh. My fault. NOW I get it. Whew! Good one. (I just love that little roll-eye guy, don't you?)

Oh, and Ryan - I have been noticing you out there in the garage. Be warned that it is about 100 F out there right now, and my guess is that it'll peak at about 120 today. I don't want you to end up as a little dried up speck on my garage floor like the polywogs (sp?) I used to collect as a kid - and then forget about in the garage for a few weeks.

Edited

Non-participant

We're all going to have a good laugh when we find out that the first entry in this thread is a joke.

Q: How do you confuse an idiot?
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A: Purple

If you have to ask, Then you probably won't
like the answer.