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Thread: Great Big Joke Thread!

  1. #1
    Flashaholic*
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Close to St. Louis, MO, school at Rolla
    Posts
    574

    Default Great Big Joke Thread!

    Ok, first, my preferances. I would prefer that people NOT post their opinions on this thread until voting is over. Questions may be asked here, but please do not clutter up the thread with anything but stuff pertaining to the voting or the like. Later, Sasha will post the URL to the poll which we will use for voting (if it is easy for her to set up, if not, I will take them by email, but don't send your votes to me that way unless I say so). The votes on the poll will likely be in numerical order by member number so they will be easy to find.

    The jokes themselves will be posted in the order they were posted on the joke thread. They will include the members name and member number of the poster. Note the member number of the joke you think was the best.

    Next post, the jokes....

  2. #2
    Flashaholic*
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Close to St. Louis, MO, school at Rolla
    Posts
    574

    Default Re: Great Big Joke Thread!

    Here are the jokes....

    MarkV A flashaholic was walking in from the parking lot when another flashaholic
    #505 walks up with a shiny new flashlight.

    "Where did you get such a great light?" asked the first.

    The second flashaholic replied "Well, I was walking along last night minding
    my own business when a beautiful woman walked up carrying this
    flashlight. She threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take
    what you want.' "

    The second flashoholic nodded approvingly "Good choice; the clothes
    probably wouldn't have fit."

    Tater Rocket
    #501

    An undergraduate is performing an experiment to determine how far a frog can jump when exposed to different stimuli. The first jump goes something like this: "Jump frog, Jump!" *Writes down* "Frog jumps 65 cm". The undergrad then pulls off one of the frogs front legs. "Jump frog Jump!" The frog then jumps 30 cm. The student then pulls off the other front leg. "Jump frog, Jump!" The student then records the next jump as 20 cm. The student then pulls off one of the rear legs. "Jump frog, Jump!" The student records a new jump of 8 cm. The student pulls off the last leg and says "Jump frog, Jump!". The frog does nothing. "Jump frog, JUMP!" Still, nothing. "Jump FROG, JUMP!" Still nothing, so the student records.....

    Wait for it.....

    "Frog goes deaf."

    N8
    #1556

    Well this is not exactly a joke but something my wife told me she told a woman at work" I'M SMARTER THAN YOU AND I'M DUMB" when this other girl told her something too stupid for repeating.

    Wingerr
    #803

    A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy wheeling along two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time.

    The guy replies "Sure, which country?"

    The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!"

    "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there."

    "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!"

    "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?"

    "Well, actually, the novelty's kinda worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours."

    The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900.

    The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is your new hi-tech watch- Oh," he says, wheeling the two suitcases over as well, "Here are the batteries."

    Atrick-Pay
    #1744

    Q: How do you confuse an idiot?
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    A: Purple

    Roy
    #1553

    Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in the glove box for the purpose of storing dead batteries!

    Cutter
    2177

    Three coboys were riding the range back in the days of the wild west. One was from Oklahoma, one from Texas, and one from Colorado. After riding for about a week, they found themselves surrounded by Indians, who promptly captured all 3 of them and tied them up.

    Later that night, the Indian Chief came up to them and said, "I will give each of you a choice.....death....or Hugga Bugga".

    The Colorado cowboy, whimpering a little bit, said, I don't know what Hugga Bugga is, but it's got to be better than death so I'll take it". The Indians then stripped him naked and tied him up while they formed a circle around him. Then, they started to dance around him and scream, woo woo woo woo...hugga bugga....woo woo woo woo...hugga bugga. Well...each time they said hugga bugga, a different indian would dart in and perform an "unnatural" act of a sexual nature on him (use your imagination). Once they had finished with him, they untied him and let him limp off to freedom.

    The Chief then approached the Oklahoma cowboy and said, "Choose....death...or hugga bugga". The cowboy said he didn't really want hugga bugga but he didn't want to die even more....so he chose hugga bugga.

    Well, the same thing happened. They stripped him naked, tied him up, danced around him and performed hugga bugga on him. After they were done, the Chief said "you are free to go" and he also limped off to freedom.

    Then the Chief approached the Texan cowboy and said for him to choose, "death...or hugga bugga". Now, everyone knows Texas cowboys are tuff. And he was no different. He looked the Indain Chief straight in the eye and boldly said, "It'll be a cold day in hell before I let any of you do that to me....I'll take death".

    The Chief replied, "OK......death it is......by Hugga Bugga."

    Saaby
    #1882

    Two brick layers built a house. When they had completed the house they had an extra brick left over. These were not normal bricks, they were blue bricks (In fact lets say CPF blue). They bricklayers started talking to each other, they didn't want the home owner to know they had purchased an extra brick, so they were trying to figure out what to do with it...One brick layer suggested throwing it away, "no" the other one said, they'll see it...I'll just take it home. The first one objected to that, that will be stealing he said, but I have an idea. Hand me the brick...so he took the brick and threw it up into the air!

    (CM comment: second part posted hours later, and excessive spaces deleted)

    SO this guy got on a plane, now this was some time ago when you could smoke on planes, and sitting next to him was this lady with one of those little tiny dogs. This dog was just a yapping and yapping and just generally driving the man up a wall, but that wasn't nearly as bad as what was coming up. Not 5 minutes had passed when the lady got very impatient with the man, and said that his cigar was choking her dog...she asked that he put it out, he just grumbled that he could smoke if he wanted to. A few minutes later the lady ask again if he would put out the cigar, again he grumbled he would smoke if he wanted to. Not 10 minutes later the lady tells the man her dog is dieing and demands he puts out the cigar, he again refuses so she opens the window and throws the cigar out! Naturally this makes the man very upset so he grabs the dog and throws IT out the window, they look out the window and (fortunatly) the dog is holding onto the wing and you know what's in it's mouth?
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    A blue brick
    X-Ray
    #1955

    A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

    The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

    "Just rub toilet paper between them."

    Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

    "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

    LogicNerd411
    #2031

    Accident Report
    This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:

    "I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools."

    "You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the
    ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel."
    "Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."

    Sasha
    #1531

    Three guys were sitting in an airport waiting for their plane. One was a Native American, one was a Muslim and one was an American Cowboy.

    The Native American says, "Once my people were many, now we are few."

    The Muslim says, "Once my people were few, now we are many."

    The American Cowboy pulls the toothpick out of his mouth and looks at the Muslim and says, "That's 'cuz we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet."

    Silviron
    #498

    This guy walks into a hardware store and buys a chain saw. He asks how fast the chainsaw will cut wood- The hardware guy says: "Oh, you should be able to get through about 15 cords of pine or 7 cords of oak a day if you keep the chain sharp and well lubricated".

    A week later, the fellow brings the chain saw back to the hardware store and is very upset:
    "You told me that this saw would cut 15 cords of pine a day, but I've only been able to cut about one cord a day with it."

    So, the hardware store owner takes the saw, examines it, and sees that it looks fine.... So, he sets it down on the floor, pulls the starter cord and it starts right up. RRRUUURRRRRdingdingppttputtputt.

    The guy jumps back and shouts "Whats that noise!!!????".

    Big Tex
    #156

    Deputy Gomer

    The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
    "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
    "11" he replied.
    The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
    "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
    "Today and tomorrow."
    He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
    "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
    Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
    "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
    So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was really excited.
    "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

    DaveH
    #008
    Two guys where sitting in a bar talking. A woman beside them starts to choke. So one of the guys stands up walks over to her them pulls down her pants! He bends down and runs his tongue across her derieire and up the small of her back. CHAAFLOOOM!! The piece of food was quickly and effectively disloged. The guy walks back and sit down and says "Know what? That Hind LIck manouver really works!"

    Leddite
    #1936

    A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are walking down
    the street, and they see a boy round the corner.

    The priest says, "Hey, let's screw him!"

    The rabbi waves his hands and says, "Outtah what?"

    McGizmo
    #1638

    Two incredibly stupid and simple guys, (insert ethnicity, demographic particulars or flasholics here) decide to go ice fishing.

    They pick a spot and one guy gets out a saw and is about to cut the ice.

    In a deep booming voice they hear:

    "There are no fish there, please move away!"

    After confering with eachother that they both heard whatt they thought, the two moved about 20 feet away and again proceded to start to make a hole in the ice.

    Deep Booming Voice:

    " I will not repeat myself again, There are no fish there. Please move away now or suffer my wrath!"

    One of the guys looks up and says in a now reverant voice:

    " Is that you GOD?"

    And a booming response:

    " No, I'm the rink manager!"

    Toby
    #1558

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    PHILLIP RUDDOCK(Immigration Minister): I don't care why the chicken crossed the road, it should have been sent back to where it came from. Who knows what might happen if we keep letting any old chicken cross the road. We could be inundated with them. Send them to the farmer up the road a bit and we can pay him to deal with the problem.

    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough for us.

    FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?

    FREUD: The fact that you are all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

    THE CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car.

    EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define the word "chicken".

    HOMER SIMPSON: mmmmm Chicken!

    Yclo
    #751

    Tragedy in Eastern Canada
    -------------------------
    Canada's Words Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crased into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
    Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

    Tombeis
    #651

    A man and his wife from Cleveland were driving across country to visit relatives in California.

    They were about half way across Illinois when they were stopped by a very polite soft spoken policeman.

    The policeman asked the man for his drivers license and registration.

    Man's wife: "What did he say?"

    "He said he wants to see my drivers license and registration."

    The man then asks the policeman why he was stopped.

    Officer: "Speeding." "Eighty in a sixty five zone."

    Wife: "What did he say?"

    Man: "He said we were speeding, eighty in a sixty five zone."

    The officer says. "Your from Cleveland, I had the worst sex I have ever had in my life in Cleveland."

    Wife. What did he say?

    Man: "He says he knows you."

    Starlight
    #1760
    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are sitting at a table in a bar. They aren't getting any service, so they get upset and walk up to the bartender.

    The brunette says "give me a ML". The bartender says "what's a ML?" She says "it's a Miller Lite".

    The redhead says "give me a CL". The bartender says "what's a CL?" She says "it's a Coors Lite".

    The Blonde says "I want a fifteen". The bartender says "what's a fifteen?" The blonde says "a seven and seven Duuuhh."

    BuddTX
    #934

    Did you hear about the AGGIE who was saving all his burned out light bulbs?

    Yea, he was starting his own dark room!!!!!

    Sunspot
    #640

    An American Airlines flight enroute from Los Angeles to JFK airport in New York City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday when a passenger
    was noticed attempting to light a fuse protruding from his rectum. Flight Attendant Bunny Haggarty said she noticed the man seated in an aisle seat
    leaning forward and holding a cigarette lighter behind his legs. "I thought he was just trying to light a fart," said Haggarty, "like our pilots are
    always doing on layovers. Then I saw this string-like thing hanging from his ass, and I got scared." Haggarty immediately called for assistance. Several male passengers subdued the man before he was able to light the fuse.
    After landing in Kansas City, authorities found the man's intestines were stuffed with military grade C4 explosive.FBI agents stated that it would
    have been a complete catastrophe if the passenger had succeeded in lighting the fuse.The passenger, Mohammed Bin Ali El Batout Nabeel Sin Abba Rahim
    Mansour Ali Baba, Age 25, was carrying fourteen passports from various countries throughout the Middle East.
    Asked why he had stuffed himself full of plastic
    explosives, Ali Baba stated, "I was planning to blow the chit out of the plane. I wanted to kill all the Americans and Jews to show that we are a
    peace loving pipple."
    Airport security agents in Los Angeles remembered
    seeing Ali Baba as he boarded American flight 90.
    They were a bit concerned because his name would not fit on the front of the ticket, he was wearing a checkered tablecloth as a hat, looked like he was ready to kill someone, was reading an Al Quaeda training manual and had on a "Screw America" t-shirt.
    According to Federal Airport Security standards,
    however, individuals cannot be profiled for additional security simply because they are young,
    middle-eastern men. The security supervisor, Fred
    Jackson, said he was somewhat concerned with the way Ali Baba walked. "Hell, man, the guy waddled
    like he had a stick of dynamite up his ass! Had I
    not been on the phone with my probation officer, I might have checked this guy out some more. But, we
    want and need complete diversity in our passenger
    screening," stated Jackson. "Plus, we think the flight crews on those planes pose more of a
    threat to safety than one raghead with an exploding ass." "That's why you can always find one of them pilots in bare feet waiting for his
    shoes to be x-rayed. I love seeing the look on their faces when we make them do that," he guffawed, adding, "I just hope they don't give
    those guys guns, 'cause they might want to even the score."
    Federal officials are now referring to this latest terrorist attempt as a 'butt bomb'.
    Security experts believe this could be even more difficult to detect than the primitive 'shoe bomb'
    used by terrorist Richard Reid. "I'm not sure how
    we're going to check for 'butt bombs," stated Jackson. "We don't have technology to do it, but
    we've got to check somehow in the interest of safety," adding, "I think we should start with Flight Crews first."

    Mr.Bulk
    #1

    A man was waiting in line to purchase an airline ticket, and could not help but watch the attractive and buxom young female clerk as she worked busily behind the counter.

    When it came to his turn in line, he stepped up and muttered, "I'd like to Picket to Titsburg...I-I-I mean a TICKET to PITTsburgh, sorry..."

    He was glowing crimson from embarrassment when the guy behind him leaned forward and whispered, "Don't worry buddy, that's called a Freudian Slip. Everybody does that from time to time. Why, just this morning I meant to tell the wife, 'Honey, please pass the sugar', but instead I said, 'You wrecked my life, you b*tch.'"

    I_rv_too
    #1548

    So my wife comes home from work and notices a big bulge in my pants.

    "Hi honey," I said, gestering towards my pants. "As you can see, I'm really, really glad you're home!"

    In her best Mae West voice, she looks me straight in the eye and says "Did you buy another damn flashlight?"

    Max
    #1082

    I was out for a nighttime test walk to try out my new 6D MagLite mod I had just finished. It was a direct-drive contraption I put together with 8 Luxeon Stars, a wiffle bat, the calipers from an old set of bicycle brakes, and an old frying pan with the handle removed (it was the best heat sink I had lying around). I still had to add the lanyard, but this was just a test walk.

    Anyway, I drove out away from the street lights to a nice dark country road that's just a few miles away next to a field filled with cows. I figured it was the best spot to really test the throw. I walked a few steps from the car and gave the bike brakes a little squeeze to fire my baby up. I was nearly giddy with glee as the dual cones of light shot out from the end of the wiffle bat, as designed. I could see the light glinting off the eyeballs of the cows looking on from 100 yards away.

    About 40 seconds after my creation had leapt to life, the right beam started to turn an angry shade of violet just as four of the Luxeons decided to transform themselves into smoke-emitting diodes. Before I could react, the beam promptly winked out with a little popping noise like a camera flash.

    Plunged back into moon-lit darkness and muttering under my breath, I pulled my Lambda Illuminator out from my pocket to see what I was doing, and I lay down my still-sizzling mod on the fence to assess the damage.

    "Four freakin' friodes!" I said to nobody in particular. I looked up briefly and was startled to suddlenly notice that while I was poring over my flashlight, one of the cows had sauntered over to where I was standing by the fence and was now watching me intently from about two feet away.

    "I believe each LS should have it's own resistor," said the cow.

    I nearly jumped right out of my city slicker britches! Heart racing, I dropped my disabled mod right there and ran to the nearest farmhouse and rang the bell. A calm-faced middle-aged farmer answered the door.

    I shouted, waving my arms frantically back toward the field, "A cow just gave me advice about my flashlight!"

    "What did the cow say?" asked the farmer.

    "I was working on this LED flashlight that I've been building," I explained, "and this cow came up to me and said that each LED should have it's own resistor!"

    The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the doorframe to glance down the field. "The cow with two big black spots on it?" he asked slowly.

    "Yes! Yes! That's the one!" I replied.

    "Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to me.

    "Don't pay any attention to her. She doesn't know a darn thing about flashlights..."

    Cannuke
    #2232

    Don't whack your supervisor on the back of his head with a shovel; it leaves a bad impression on his mind.

    Geepondy
    #376

    Little Johnny was in Sunday school and kept falling asleep during class. This upset the teacher so she decided she would catch Johnny in the act. Johnny was sleeping as the teacher was rambling on when she suddenly blurted “Who art our father in heaven, JOHNNY!” The kid sitting behind Johnny jabs him in the back with a pencil to wake him up. Johnny wakes up, grabs his back and cries “God almighty!” The teacher a little miffed, says “That’s correct.” She continues her sermon and sure enough Johnny falls asleep again. The teacher then suddenly states “Who is the holy son, JOHNNY!” The kid behind Johnny repeats the act with the pencil. Johnny again wakes up, grabs his back and says “Jesus Christ!” The teacher clearly upset acknowledges that is the correct answer. She continues on, Johnny falls asleep yet once more and this time she decides she’ll catch him with a trick question. “What did Eve say to Adam after delivering Cain and Abel, JOHNNY!” For a third time, Johnny’s poked behind the back with a pencil. This time Johnny jumps up and shouts “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I’m going to break it off!”

    Craig’s
    #11



    Ted the Led
    #14

    "Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
    What Kaczynski must surely have known:
    That an intern is better
    Than a bomb in a letter
    When deciding how best to be blown..."

    BrightNorm
    #767

    HOW OLD AM I?

    A woman decides to have a facelift for her 47th birthday.
    She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
    On her way home she stops at a news-stand to buy a paper.
    Before leaving she asks the salesclerk,

    "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

    "About 32," the clerk replies.

    I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.
    A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the
    same question.

    She replies, "I'd guess about 29."

    The woman replies,"Nope, I am 47!"
    Now she is feeling really good about herself.
    While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question.

    He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young,
    There was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you
    to let me put my hands down your panties. Then, I can tell exactly how old you are."

    They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of
    the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead".

    The old man slips both hands down her panties and begins to feel around.

    After several minutes she says,
    "Okay, Okay, enough already, how old am I?"

    He removes his hands slowly and says,
    "You are 47."

    Stunned and stimulated, the woman says,
    "That is amazing. What kind of magic powers do your fingers have?
    How do you know?"

    The old man replies, "I was behind you at McDonald's!"

    TOB9595
    #2084

    AT 85 YEARS OF AGE, MORRIS MARRIES LOUANNE, A LOVELY 25-YEAR-OLD. BECAUSE HER NEW HUSBAND IS SO OLD, LOUANNE DECIDES THAT ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT, SHE AND MORRIS ARE TO HAVE SEPARATE BEDROOMS. THE NEWLYWED IS CONCERNED THAT HER NEW HUSBAND MAY OVEREXERT HIMSELF IF THEY SPEND THE ENTIRE NIGHT TOGETHER.

    AFTER THE WEDDING FESTIVITIES, LOUANNE PREPARES HERSELF FOR BED, AND FOR THE EXPECTED "KNOCK" ON THE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH, THE KNOCK COMES, THE DOOR OPENS, AND THERE IS HER 85-YEAR-OLD GROOM, READY FOR ACTION. THEY UNITE AS ONE. ALL GOES WELL, WHEREUPON MORRIS TAKES LEAVE OF LOUANNE, AND SHE PREPARES TO GO TO SLEEP.

    AFTER A FEW MINUTES, LOUANNE HEARS ANOTHER KNOCK ON HER BEDROOM DOOR. IT'S MORRIS! AND HE'S AGAIN READY FOR MORE ACTION. SOMEWHAT SURPRISED, LOUANNE CONSENTS TO FURTHER COUPLING. WHEN THE NEWLYWEDS ARE DONE, MORRIS KISSES LOUANNE, BIDS HER A FOND GOOD NIGHT, AND LEAVES.

    LOUANNE IS SET TO GO TO SLEEP AGAIN. HOWEVER, AFTER A FEW SHORT MINUTES, THERE IS ANOTHER KNOCK AT HER DOOR, AND THERE HE IS AGAIN. .MORRIS, AS FRESH AS A 25-YEAR-OLD AND READY FOR A BIT MORE ACTION. AND AGAIN THEY ENJOY ONE ANOTHER.

    AS MORRIS IS ONCE AGAIN SET TO LEAVE, THE YOUNG BRIDE SAYS TO HIM, "I AM THOROUGHLY IMPRESSED THAT AT YOUR AGE, HONEY, I'VE BEEN WITH GUYS LESS THAN A THIRD YOUR AGE WHO WERE ONLY GOOD ONCE! YOU'RE A GREAT LOVER, MORRIS."

    MORRIS, SOMEWHAT EMBARRASSED, TURNS TO LOUANNE AND SAYS, "YOU MEAN I WAS HERE ALREADY"

    James S.
    #2216

    So, Mr Blunt, how did you break your leg?

    Well, it all started 25 years ago..

    What does that have to do with your leg?

    Well, let me tell you, it all started 25 years ago. I was on the road and my car broke down in the middle of the night. While walking down the deserted road I came to a farmhouse. I asked the farmer if I could stay the night, and he said "Sure, but you'll have to share a bed with my beautiful daughter"

    I said "OK" and went upstairs.

    She was already asleep when I climbed into bed, but she woke me up an hour later and asked "Is there anything I can do for you?"

    "No thanks, I'm fine"

    "are you sure there isn't anything you want"

    I said, "Thanks, but I reckon not" and she went back to sleep.

    The doctor said "But what does that have to do with your broken leg?"

    Well, today I realized what she meant by that and I fell off the roof.

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    Default Re: Great Big Joke Thread!

    Thread closed. Read the jokes. Pick the member number you want to vote for and go to The CPF Joke Contest! ~~VOTE HERE!~~ thread to vote!

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