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Thread: there are some Jokes

  1. #931
    *Flashaholic* Burgess's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    How many Chiropractors
    does it take to change a light bulb ?




    One --


    but he has to do it in 12 visits.




    _

  2. #932
    Flashaholic* Keitho's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    That's a cracking joke...

  3. #933
    *Flashaholic* PhotonWrangler's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    How do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer?

    Just give it some time.

  4. #934
    Flashaholic* 5S8Zh5's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes


  5. #935

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    A guy walks into a bar with a bowling ball bag he it set on the counter. He pulls out a head and says "pour my friend a bourbon". He pours the shot down the throat of the head and out pops a body. Poof.

    The bar tender amazed asked the head "want another?" "Sure" the head responded. The buddy pours the shot into the heads mouth and poof, out pops arms and hands.

    "How about another?" asked the bar tender. "you betcha was the response". So this time the guy now has arms so he drank the shot without assistance. Poof. Out pops legs and feet.

    Bar tenders says "want another?" and the guy said "heck yeah". He drinks the shot and Poof……… he disappeared.

    Bar tender looks at the friend and says "dude should quit while he was a head".
    Last edited by bykfixer; 09-24-2019 at 05:14 AM.
    John 3:16

  6. #936

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Boo! LOL !
    "The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there... Not the other way around!" - John Cleese.

  7. #937
    Cyclops942's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Don't even get me started on Velcro... what a rip-off!
    Owner of the first full-on beamshot of The Beast II! (See avatar)

  8. #938
    Cyclops942's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Why should you never ask Rick Astley if you can borrow his complete collection of Pixar movies?




    Because he's never gonna give you 'Up.'
    Owner of the first full-on beamshot of The Beast II! (See avatar)

  9. #939
    Flashaholic* Keitho's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    None of my German flashlights work at all...they all have neun-volt batteries

  10. #940
    Flashaholic* 5S8Zh5's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    A farmer is overseeing his herd when suddenly a brand-new car appears out of a cloud of dust and starts advancing towards him.

    The driver, a young man in a suit, leans out the window and asks the farmer: If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?

    The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers Sure, why not?

    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his computer, connects it to his mobile phone, gets on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

    The young man then opens the digital photo on his computer and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a database through an Excel spreadsheet with email on his phone and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer. He turns to the farmer and says: You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.

    That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.

    He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the he stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

    Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?

    The young man thinks about it for a second and says Okay, why not?

    You’re a politician says the farmer.

    Wow! That’s correct. But how did you guess that?

    No guessing required. You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

  11. #941
    *Flashaholic* PhotonWrangler's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by 5S8Zh5 View Post
    This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.
    Lol! I didn't see that one coming.

  12. #942

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    I agree. The dog part caught me by surprise.
    "The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there... Not the other way around!" - John Cleese.

  13. #943
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Dove chocolate tastes much better than their soap

  14. #944
    Flashaholic* 5S8Zh5's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. Wife says relatives of yours? Yep. In laws.

  15. #945
    Flashaholic* 5S8Zh5's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out with a caterer, a band and even a clown. Just before the party starts, two guys show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some firewood. Gratefully they head to the rear of the house.

    Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown suddenly calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself.

    She happens to look out the window and sees one of the guys doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She calls the other guy over and says what your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50.

    Well I dunno. Let me ask him. He turns around and yells at his friend. Hey Willie. For $50 would you chop off another toe?

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