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Thread: there are some Jokes

  1. #991
    *Flashaholic* Chauncey Gardiner's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    The Lovely Mrs. Gardiner's brother-in-law was telling me how much his prosthetic leg cost - I said, "Wow! I knew they were expensive, but I didn't know they wanted an arm or a leg for one."

    True story. He wasn't amused. I still think it's hilarious.
    Never point a flashlight at anything you don't intend to illuminate! Never buy a flashlight you have to make payments on.

  2. #992

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    A coworker was telling us a story about letting someone borrow his jet ski. He told them how to operate it so it didn't stall. They rode it awhile and it stalled. They couldn't get it going again so they abandoned it and swam to shore. The coworker had to swim to go get it. He had been drinking. He swam every way he knew how and finally got to the jet ski totally exhausted. He got the jet ski working again and rode it into shore. When he was finishing his story, someone asked him " how deep was the water". I yelled back, "He could stand up."

  3. #993

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    My girlfriendís dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me - What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?

  4. #994

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    If you are beautiful and single , then you are not beautiful

  5. #995
    *Flashaholic* PhotonWrangler's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underwear

  6. #996

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on take Your Child to work day. As they walked around the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly - Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?

  7. #997

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    A soldier was stationed abroad and received a Dear John letter from his girlfriend back home. It read - Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice since youíve been gone, and itís not fair to either of us. Iím sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim.


    The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.


    There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read - Dear Kim, Iím so sorry but I canít remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave.

  8. #998

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Ha ha!
    Oh, that's a good one. Enjoyed that one a lot.
    "The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there... Not the other way around!" - John Cleese.

  9. #999

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Late one night a moth goes into a podiatrist's office and says - Doc, ya gotta help me. I have these voices in my head and they're telling me everybody hates me and I just can't figure out who the real me is and I need help sorting it all out.

    I'm a podiatrist - this is a foot clinic - I fix feet - and you, my friend, need a psychiatrist. Didn't you see the sign on the front door?

    Yeah, sure, I saw the sign and I know I need a psychiatrist.

    Well, if you saw the sign and you knew you needed a psychiatrist, why did you come in?

    Because the light was on.

  10. #1000
    *Flashaholic* Chauncey Gardiner's Avatar
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    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by 5S8Zh5 View Post
    Late one night a moth goes into a podiatrist's office and says - Doc, ya gotta help me. I have these voices in my head and they're telling me everybody hates me and I just can't figure out who the real me is and I need help sorting it all out.

    I'm a podiatrist - this is a foot clinic - I fix feet - and you, my friend, need a psychiatrist. Didn't you see the sign on the front door?

    Yeah, sure, I saw the sign and I know I need a psychiatrist.

    Well, if you saw the sign and you knew you needed a psychiatrist, why did you come in?

    Because the light was on.
    That's funny!
    Never point a flashlight at anything you don't intend to illuminate! Never buy a flashlight you have to make payments on.

  11. #1001

    Default Re: there are some Jokes

    Today I was dismissed from the lingerie department of a very smart store, they said it was a communication issue with a customer. He came up to me and said he wanted some very nice underwear for his wife.

    I asked - Satin?

    Oh no. I can afford brand new.

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