Have you done your best?

Have you done your best with the life you have?

I ask myself this question tonight and I didn't like my answer. I have not done my best. I have not been the best husband, father, friend, or person at times. I realize that as a human I cannot be perfect. I will fall short many times. But why do I fall short at times, most of the time actually.
If I look inside my heart I know that sometimes I am just lazy. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I just didn't care enough to do more.
Thats sad to me. Sometimes it only takes a moment to make a positive difference in someone elses life. I don't know why sometimes I do not make a better effort.
After everything I have been given I should be the first to do better for all mankind.
My brother taped the movie Pay it Forward and let me borrow it. I watched it tonight and I realized just how little I have done to help others. Sure I have done some nice things for others but not near enough. I have let some opportunities pass me by. I regret that. Sometimes it takes just a smile to make others feel better.
I am going to try to do better with the time I have. This life is not about me. It is about everyone else and how I can help. I of all people should have learned that a long time ago.

That movie really got to me. I have not done my best and I know it.

don't beat yourself up too badly...if I weren't so lazy, fearful, contemptuous, lustful, greedy, self-centered and thoughtless, I'd probably be a better person too...

Don't let an idealistic cliche bum you out. I agree that we should all do what we can to improve the lives of those around us. However, we also have to keep our own heads above water, and often times, that is a monumental struggle in and of itself. I don't know what your religous or theological beliefs are, but if you're a Christian, or even have an interest in Christianity, read the gospels, and when you're done, read them again. You won't find a better example of someone who put the needs of others ahead of his own. Jesus was a perfect man with infinite potential. He could have been the greatest inventor, physician, scientist and businessman the world had ever seen. And yet, the scriptures say the Son of Man had nowhere to lay his head; he didn't even have a home of his own. You'll find some comfort there, IMO.

Just my .02

TedTheLed said:

don't beat yourself up too badly...if I weren't so lazy, fearful, contemptuous, lustful, greedy, self-centered and thoughtless, I'd probably be a better person too...

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Ted,
I have always appreciated a person who can be honest with themselves.

Valpro,
The scriptures are indeed comforting. Thank you.

Is this more of a theoretical question or a "you" specific question?
If it's personal, I'd say that the fact that you ask the question is evidence that you're doing better than one who has asked acted exactly the same as you but never questioned himself with "am I doing the best that I can"?
In retrospect we ALL could have done better. But look at the world you have created around yourself. Is it full of people that have admirable qualities and that admire you for the person you are? Are those people around you proud to call you their friend, husband, father, etc?
Sometimes I'm short with my kids after a bad day, etc. It happens. None are perfect as stated above. But when I return from work, I still get the "DADDY!!!!!!" greeting, followed by running child feet and hugs.
The proof is in the result not the singular events.
Short answer: Yes, we can all do better.
But when you're kids come running, and your wife greets you with hugs and kisses. How much better can you really be doing?

LifeNRA- I know i have not done the best in my life, no matter if you were the most perfect person in the world when you die you will always look back and think i should have... all that matters is that somone in the world thinks of you as a friend, Dad, Son, Best man, they will not look back and think boy he sure was stupid, or mean, they will look back and think you were the best Dad, Husband, Son that they ever had, they will look at and remember all the greatfull things you did with your life, they will remember all the fun trips or places you went to together. everytime somone thinks about you they will remeber all the great memories they had with you, i can almost garranty they will never remember that time you didnt give them your last 20 bucks, they will not remember when you yelled at them for staying out all night long with your friends, they will remember all the greatest times of there lives they had with you.

when i die i do not want people to mope all over becuase of my death i want them to look back and think "boy we sure did have a great time fishing, or camping, or just goofing off".

no one in this world is prefect. we all make mistakes.

stay healthy man

David miller

Thanks guys.

It gives me a lot to think about and be thankful for. I always get emotional when I am sick. I question my life and what I have done with it. I am just that way.
I do believe that I have many around me that love me and care. I do believe that if I pass there will be many who miss me.
I love hearing "Daddy" as Jimmy said and that lets me know that I am doing a decent job.
I have always worn my emotions on my sleeve and times like this always brings those emotions out even more.
I am glad that I have you all to talk to and share these feelings with. It helps me cope.
It is funny sometimes because I was raised on a farm and worked my whole life becoming a man that could face anything. I can hunt for my dinner if need be. I can stand up to the biggest bully and give as good as I get.
My Mom always said I had a soft heart and I guess she was right. I have always tried to do better and treat others as I wish to be treated. I have failed many times but I do try.
I once rescued a lady who was in a car accident when I was in my late teens. She wrecked late at night and I was on my way home. I only noticed her car off the bank because her headlights were shining up in the sky. I got her out and a minute later the car caught on fire. A few minutes later the first responders started showing up. Someone must have called them because nether of us had a cell phone. I didn't know anyone with a cell phone back then in fact. Someone must have noticed the accident and called when they got home. I got in my car and went home knowing that she was now safe. I never did tell her who I was. I didn't tell her I was leaving. I just left. I didn't help her so she could thank me. I helped her because it was the right thing to do.
My wife was the only person who knew this story. I didn't even tell my parents even though I was still living at home. My dad died never knowing I had did this.
Why wouldn't I tell anyone? I don't know really. Maybe I just didn't want to be called a hero for doing the right thing. Hero's are those who risk their lives daily like firefighters. An ordinary man doing what is right is not a hero. He is a caring human being and that is good enough for me.

Thanks for letting me share some of my life with you all. Maybe in time and if it does not bore anyone I will share some more of it.

Have you done your best with the life you have?

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No I haven't. I could have done a lot better for myself and those around me.

That said I honestly believe that most folks don't do or achieve all they could...all of us could do a little better and try a bit harder...but we are only human, as others have said, don't beat yourself up about it.

Those of us who don't go around thieving, raping, and making other peoples lives miserable and generally try to help others when we can are doing ok IMO.


CFU

Just proves you are a normal Human probably better than most

Jeff, the world is a better place because of the choices you've made and what you've done with your life. You have happy, healthy children who are going to grow up and continue what you've taught them, having happy, healthy children of their own. There is no greater good. Stay strong. I'm not very good at praying, but I'll do my best for you tonight.

:buddies:

I was the best person in world after I saw the movie for a whole week. But seriously though I too feel like I am taking too much for granted and I have wasted too many opportunities that I have had. I started volunteering at my fire station in august as an EMT and it has humbled me a little (and frustrated me a lot in every way possible), but there seems to be no quick fix (not saying you are looking for one). No one told me to do it and most people I've talked to about it think I'm truly wasting my time there (a lot of their points are valid). My family constantly ridicules me for being a pathetic EMT (call me a wanna be doctor) and being a MALE nursing major doesn't really help me (though I've met many pretty ladies). In a movie sense, I live a life similar to Meet the Parents. No one cares about me because everyone else is a doctor or in medical school with scholarships. Nothing I do is ever good enough. Is it bad luck? Maybe. Is it my fault? Probably.

My advice is just trying doing something new or different that you normally or never do. Hopefully, it will give you a new perspective on life.

Few people on this Earth can truthfully say that they've always done their best. You bring up the important point of being human. Here's what I preach and strive to practice in the context of this topic.

We make mistakes. The important thing imho is that we learn from them, and do not to repeat them.

If we choose to give up on doing our best because of past choices, we stop being that person that we want to be.

The only thing we have control of is Now and Here. The past is the past, and we'll never get to the future.

I must constantly remind myself that I am Here and Now; that I must make the effort and do what I know should be done, even if I don't feel like it.

Being human is hard. Don't be discouraged. Continue on. Our greatest enemy is ourself.

Those are some very good post everyone. :goodjob: Thanks!

LifeNRA,

A lot of good things have been said above. I guess many people will recognize what you feel, including myself. There is a lot you can read to give yourself a clear head and transcend your emotions and the circumstances in which you live. My experience is that it is very personal which texts really make a connection with the feelings of someone else. But I'll give it a try anyway.

I'll try and translate two short texts from Dutch that I always have in front of me, over my desk:

From Rabbi Arjè Leib ben Sara:
'Eternal one, first give me the strenght to make the mistakes that you have measured out to me in my life. And then give me the strenght to rectify all these mistakes, and repent them with a sound heart.'

And from Sanskrit:
'Look at this day, because it is the essence of life. Because this short span embraces all.
The truth and the reality of our being: the glory of the deed, the blessing of growth, the sparkle of beauty.
For yesterday is but a dream. And tomorrow only a vision.
But living good today makes every previous day into a dream of happiness, and every next day into a vision of hope.
Therefore, look closely at this day.'

Take care,

Kees

The fact that you even question yourself shows something of your nature. I work in a hospital and I see so many people come and go without ever thinking of even a hint of what you posted. Realizing that you can do better is the first step to actually doing better but one must keep things in perspective. Let's face it, life is difficult. If you can say that you put someone else ahead of yourself then you have done your best.

benchmade_boy said:

LifeNRA- I know i have not done the best in my life, no matter if you were the most perfect person in the world when you die you will always look back and think i should have... all that matters is that somone in the world thinks of you as a friend, Dad, Son, Best man, they will not look back and think boy he sure was stupid, or mean, they will look back and think you were the best Dad, Husband, Son that they ever had, they will look at and remember all the greatfull things you did with your life, they will remember all the fun trips or places you went to together. everytime somone thinks about you they will remeber all the great memories they had with you, i can almost garranty they will never remember that time you didnt give them your last 20 bucks, they will not remember when you yelled at them for staying out all night long with your friends, they will remember all the greatest times of there lives they had with you.

when i die i do not want people to mope all over becuase of my death i want them to look back and think "boy we sure did have a great time fishing, or camping, or just goofing off".

no one in this world is prefect. we all make mistakes.

stay healthy man

David miller

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Wow, perfectly said David, it reminded me of the song, A good man - Emerson Drive. I sure as hell havent been perfect, but no one other than Jesus was/is/will be.

Godbless you all, Jon

Jeff,

All I can say is that I know I try.

As an Eagle scout and a scout leader, I say that often to my scouts. Do your best. There are many times when your best is not good enough. That's ok. Do your best does not mean to be perfect. No one will ever be perfect. It just sets the standard that you have to give your best effort in everything you do. Strive for the best. Many times I will think about my reaction to a situation and see if I did my best. In my own mind, I try to live by the scout oath and law. I sometimes will have a situation where I need to make a decision on what to do. I "run the 12" I run through the 12 points of the scout law in my mind. If I follow them, I am doing my best.

Also, if a situation is behind you in the past,,, Leave it there. Other than to learn from it. Don't go back and say you feel bad because of something you did or didn't do. Learn from it and do it better the next time.There is nothing you can do about what has happened in the past. Live for the present, do your best now. That is all you can do.

Not sure how many people have seen the movie Facing the Giants. It is a movie that had a fairly limited theatrical run and is available to rent or buy now. It has a scene in where a coach asks a player to crawl on all fours with another player on his back as far as he can. It is worth the rental of the movie for that scene alone. If I EVER have a situation I am failing in and want to give up, I ask if I have tried to do my best, like that player did. Or was I "kind of" trying my best. It works wonders.

Do your best. Leave it all out on the field. Or on earth. No one can ask anymore of anyone.

Long life Jeff!!!

I have made some failures (some costly) that I wish I could have done differently. Now I don't kick my self too bad when I #u(k up anymore because I've already reached my limit. Most mistakes are now not as bad in comparison.

I've loved and lost, but I did my best in that regard.

Dont get me started. I am nearly 30 and feel like Ive waste dmost of my life. Ive spent most of it disabled, blind and for 9 years in a wheelchair. THanks for sport supplements including dangerous steroids I came back. Turns out inflimation cased my vision problems and chronic pain in joints.

In retro spec, I see all teh signs and feel even more stupid that I missed them. I use t love protein, I loved the hardees 2 roast beef sandwiches for 2 bucks, rice with nothing on it and meat, meat, meat. Who knew I needed more protein in my diet? Who knew I needed anti inflimation medication vs pain killers? Who knew the same steroids that helps Mark Macguire helped me get out of the wheelchair?

Now I am nearly 30, my parents are too eldery to almost care for themselves, other relevative are dead and my brother has a life of his own. I feel like Ive missed out and lost countless friends along the way as my disability changed and my grumpy pain filled self had nothing nice to say to most and I was too tired to deal with the rest.