"...but I have a boyfriend."

Note to Mods: If this doesn't belong in the CAFE then I apologize ahead of time.

Anyone else sick of this line?:green:

I went to the bank 2 weeks ago and saw a very attractive bank lady (whatever you call those people who sit at the desks) sitting at a desk. I'll call her Anne for the sake of anonymity. I needed to get a new debit card before my old one expires, and she was happy to oblige. She started asking me random questions/comments like "wow your hair is really long!" (I have hair going below my waist), or "did you go to the same high school as me?", "see, you are smart!" etc.

The second time I went around to the bank she went as far to say "your hair looks pretty, it's nicer than mine!", and "when you get your new card, come back to me to activate your new PIN!". She was really laying it on me. I felt like I shot to the top of the world via rocket boosters. I felt like I could take on anything... until I started to doubt myself. In the following 2 weeks I returned to the bank twice, and each time she was MIA. I asked some random bank lady where she was (who was obviously pushing for a sale), but each time I'd ask her the stuffier and nastier she got.

Remember that Saturn V rocket I was riding? It started to feel more like a Ford Pinto. I was scared.:candle: Of what, you ask? The colossal 8 letter word- rejection.

Braving my fears, I went back to the bank today. I looked around and she wasn't there, and thinking back I probably did look a bit awkward doing that. Whatever. Stuffy bank lady tells me Anne is in, so I sit and wait for her. She came around, and started making conversation as usual- this time she brought up "going to Vegas with our boyfriends". I asked if she could join me for lunch tomorrow since it's my birthday, but she shot me down with "I have class tomorrow" (she probably did, lol).

Every indication was she had the hots for me, and in case you're wondering I wasn't trying to attempt a "quickie".

I guess it goes back to that infamous line. She didn't say it, but it was close enough.

It's gutless AFAIK. Is she trying to reject me? Anyone else feel the same about "I have a boyfriend"?:scowl:

If you've read this far I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to read this.

Bummer dude. I had my fair share of frustration when I was single and it does hit you below the belt sometimes. Don't know if you misread anything but looking back on my experiences I know I certainly did but was not really aware of it at the time.

I was at a wedding once and there was an attractive girl dancing sort of sexy and playful in front of me while I was sitting at my table. A friend of mine earlier in the night had told me she went out with his brother and that she was all about having a good time :naughty:. As I was watching her I smiled at her and continued looking around. A few seconds later I looked at her again and this time she smiled at me. I smiled back and looked away. A few seconds later when I looked at her she pointed at me and motioed for me to dance with her :twothumbs. Now the song that was playing was "You sexy thing" and we started dancing together. She would come close and then back away. She would grab my tie, spin around always keeping eye contact with a playful sexy look on her face. At this point you can imagine I was feeling pretty excited :huh:. Well at the end of the song I leaned in and said thanks for the dance. She smiled and said thanks as well and then proceeded to go to the bar and join her boyfriend :thinking:. In retrospect, maybe she thought it was just some harmless fun but for me it was like "dang!" :scowl:

The important thing is that you asked and that takes a lot of gumption. Like the SAS (British Special Forces) motto goes "Who dares wins"

That's one of the benefits of being a fat ugly geek. I never assume a friendly clerk is coming on to me. If one ever was interested, she would have to whack me with a baseball bat for me to get the idea.

To be successful in sales, you must ultimately "AFTO" - ask for the order. The worst thing that can happen is that you will be told no. Then you move on with enthusiasiam and the expectation of success in dealing with the next prospect.

Move on.

As an ancestor of the great Mr Spock, flirtatious behavior is way beyond my logical understanding.

I've tried too hard to understand it previously and have been burnt three times too many.

Flirting...

That's a fantastic feeling (the Saturn V, not the Pinto). Cherish that part too.

I'm laughing at myself with your comment of the line, because when I was in like 3rd grade I asked a girl out wanting to be her boyfriend (whatever that meant in 3rd grade) and the response I got was "Not another one!" Heh, that pretty much summed up my social success for a very long time.

Now I'm married to an absolutely fantastic amazing super great friend who also happens to be outrageously beautiful (to me, which is all that matters).

It took me forever but when I finally gave up on the "lust" part and pursued friendship the rest came along too somehow. Kinda magical. Anyway, my point is I thought you were going about it all in the right way with asking her to lunch & something regular like that, y'know, just to get to know her, who she is, how thinks about things, how nice she is. Maybe she just got scared. Maybe she thought YOU were attractive (which sounds like she did) and there's some odd reason why she clammed up. There are like a gazillion reasons that she might have backed off. Who knows -- maybe her MOM is the grouchy one at the bank and she really did want to go out with you but her mom's just a grouch. Lotsa family relations working at banks y'know.

I'm not helping here am I? Oh well. I was trying to convey some sense of optimism and support. I hope it works out very well for you!

..some women seem to live on men's frustration with their tease, it boosts their egos..
try putting $1,000,000 in your savings account, I bet she shows you her panties.

At least my flashlights will never reject me. Cheaper too.

Lots of reasons why I stopped bothering with the opposite sex except as friends many years ago. Mixed signals like this is one of them. IMHO anyone who comes on too strong probably has "issues". Every good long term relationship pretty much has to start out as a platonic friendship, or it's doomed from the start. Flirting before you know each other well puts an element of sexual tension into it that pretty much destroys any chance of that. I've learned to ignore flirters as for many (most?) people it just seems to be an ego-gratification thing. Which basically means they're insecure.

And I totally don't get flirting with people if you're married or have a significant other unless you're looking to get out.

Why can't people just be honest and not play these stupid games? I wonder how many people have totally gave up on ever finding anyone on account of these silly games?

As others have said here, you asked and that takes a lot of courage (at least it does for me) - better than wondering "what if I had asked her out?" All you can do now is continue to be a gentleman and continue to be friendly or at least civil.

As an aside, and at the risk of spreading my cynicism, I often find that many in customer/service oriented professions are often friendly and generous with the compliments to the point that it may be mistaken by some as flirting. Different personalities do better in certain professions I guess - at least that's my humble perception.

jtr1962 - I feel the same way you do about mixed signals/insincere flirting/insecurity. Maybe it's because I work in a very techie industry, but I tend to be very straightforward with people and it bothers me when I see genuinely nice folks get hurt by other with that kind of behaviour. (sorry, little rant)

Two weeks is plenty of time for her to have found a boyfriend. Some people meet and then become a couple within days. Boggles my mind, but such is life. Far better to have tried and been shot down than to wonder "what if I had...?"

Good luck, pal. :buddies:

At least you attempted! I have found I always kick myself in the *** if I don't at least ask.... Girls are VERY flirty nowadays and often times DO send mixed signals about their intensions. On the rare occasion, the girl I thought was being flirty ever gives me the "I have a boyfriend" line. I think to myself...damn I'm glad she's not my problem! There is a definite difference in "being nice" and "being flirty". Unforunately, girls are brought up to thrive on the attention of men, and now is to the point that flirting with everybody is how they communicate.
A good indication a girl is checkin you out....."shes looking at the silhouette of the flashlight in your jeans pocket":naughty:....but really, you're gonna strike out a few times before getting the home run! Put yourself out there and take some chances and in time you will score! Most girls find confidence very attractive, so at least by you asking, she now knows you have some balls and probably find you a bit more appealing! Who knows, maybe her "Boyfriend" won't be around long and she'll remember you....
As for the "Married/Engaged/Commited Relationship" people that are out there being the biggest flirts of all.....what a bunch of B.S.!! If you aren't happy with the one you are with, get out! Don't go around acting like every other single person out there when you're not! I find MOST women I know who are married find it fun to flirt.....well it's not! It sends mixed signals and causes problems.

Another business related thought -- "don't advertise unless you're ready to deliver". Sorta what deFab said.

Been there, done that, several times.
Women can be pure evil sometimes, but we sill love them somehow. If someone knows how they work or what they want, feel free to PM me as I would like to know why they do such things.

If you feel sad or angry about it, you are always welcome here. We occasionally gather, drink alcohol, play sad music and complain about women, how they break out hearts and life in general.

But of course she had a boyfriend! She might not have had one if she had looked like a wildebeest, or if she smelled of drains, but from what you say neither of these things was the case.

She wasn't rejecting you - she was just playing hard to get, to see if you were up for a challenge, or if you would give up easily. That's what girls do. Try again! The chances are she will be flattered by the attention, and will start weighing you up as a serious contender.

Like others have said, at least you tried and that takes guts! And now she knows you are interested, so if she really did (does?) like you, it may still work out. Who knows? Good luck!

(I guess I've been lucky, since I've only had to do that thrice. The first girl said no, second said ok (for a while) and I've been married to the third one for years.)

There was an article in the paper about something like this happening at a coffee bar. At the bank it works out about the same way.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/sources_barista_not

Sorry you got your hopes up too early only to be let down.

Just note, most bank personnel(not the tellers/cashiers) work on getting in quotas. They have quarterly quotas of reaching an expected $ amount brought into the branch. This will be in loans, new account deposits, investment vehicles. So, you may find some employees extra friendly, and some women may give the wrong message. Especially those who use their sexuality and flirtation to bring in the numbers.

It's sales, plain and simple.

Traversing and navigating the tretcherous waterways of women requires a keen eye and keener sense.


As for the time it takes to hook up, it all depends on chemistry between two individuals. Can be as short as a day, or as long as a month.
Personally, on average it's about 5 days. A lot depends on the situations that allow you to present yourself in a good light.
Remember, a woman wants a man that can protect, provide, pursue and possess them.
A 'normal' woman will have a healthy balance for each criteria. Odd balls overly emphasize on one.

Did she have a ring on her finger? If not, she's still good to date. Ask her if her boyfriend likes her so much, where's the ring? Is he serious about her? Put those questions in her head, and she'll soon be rid of the hump and try you again.

DonShock said:

That's one of the benefits of being a fat ugly geek. I never assume a friendly clerk is coming on to me. If one ever was interested, she would have to whack me with a baseball bat for me to get the idea.

Click to expand...

That just about describes me, as well.