Over Age 35

Roy

Farewell our Curmudgeon Administrator
Joined
Apr 14, 2002
Messages
4,465
Location
Granbury, Tx USA
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing
thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, D.C. But I'm over 60 now,
and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than
35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't
be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:

- Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every ten seconds. Old guys only think
about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per
day to concentrate on the enemy.

- Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous
soldier. If we can't kill the enemy, we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!"
"I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

- An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet, and you shouldn't go to war until you're
at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed
126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35, and a jaunt through the desert heat with
a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

- An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early (to pee).

- If old guys are captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget
where we put them. In fact, name, rank and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

- Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and
yelled at, and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation
for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps. They could lighten up on
the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall
with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after training. I can
hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

- And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a
bullet

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave. To actually
carry on a conversation. To wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the
boxer shorts sticking out. To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that
a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great
reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before sending
them off to a possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who
attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now
is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
 

Albany Tom

Enlightened
Joined
Aug 18, 2002
Messages
769
Location
Albany, NY
Old guys would have a way different attitude of fighting, too. Instead of "Hey, they're probably over there, let's get 'em!", it would be "Hey, they're probably over there, let's lob some shells over there and see what happens."
 

Xrunner

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Aug 21, 2002
Messages
1,608
Location
Colorado
Nice one Roy! Although I'm a little on the younger side, on a serious note I don't think being able to die for your country and not being able to legally drink makes sense.

-Mike
 

Greta

Flashaholic
Joined
Apr 8, 2002
Messages
15,999
Location
Arizona
Well now, I have to say that you'll need back up. Yep. You'll need a company (just a company... that's all) of Menapausal women. Nevermind the young PMS'ers. PFFF!! They only THINK they have a clue. No, let us old ladies with hot flashes and hormones handle it. Sybil and The Exorcist are cult movies to the menapausal. Hormone Replacement Therapy is for wusses!
 

Rothrandir

Flashaholic
Joined
Aug 17, 2002
Messages
7,795
Location
US
every 10 seconds?
that is a rather conservative estimate don't you think /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif

truly halarious roy! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif
 

DieselDave

Super Moderator,
Joined
Sep 3, 2002
Messages
2,703
Location
FL panhandle
Excellent Roy!

Hell, "Grunt" would very accurately describe me at 42. When I get up I grunt, sit down I grunt, I have been in training as a grunt for the last seven years. If I put on a 60 pound pack it would be a perfect counter balance to my 60 pounds of front pack. I am ready to go! I can still fly. Does anyone know if they make seatbelt extenders for tactical aircraft?

I can hear the Republican guard calling us on the radio. "If you Americans can quit the pissing and moaning for a minute we would like to surrender, you guys are depressing."
 

Rothrandir

Flashaholic
Joined
Aug 17, 2002
Messages
7,795
Location
US
i've been grunting lately...i think i may have bruised my kidney while flying off a ramp while skiing :rolleys: it really hurts...

i don't want to miss my chance on killing a few terrorist though /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif great fun!
 

Nerd

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Jun 19, 2002
Messages
2,271
Location
Singapore
Oh Roth, how about being killed? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon15.gif Don't sound nice to me....
 

Bill.H

Enlightened
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
Messages
630
Location
Maine USA
[ QUOTE ]
Rothrandir said:
killed? ha! i'm invincable /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Now you know why they only drafted 18 year olds /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

Quickbeam

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Jun 19, 2001
Messages
4,329
Location
FlashlightReviews.com
<font color="blue">"Hey, they're probably over there, let's lob some shells over there and see what happens." </font>

ROTFLMAO! I can see that although I'm not as far up there in age, I have the right attitude. This describes it perfectly! This one made my day! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
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