Murder By Alkaline *Flashlight Obituary*

A few months ago a workmate adopted my Ultrafire C3 with extension tube. I gave it to him since he was having a rough time with his minimag incan.

He was shocked that it was so bright on batteries that would hardly make the minimag glow.

Just today he went to use it and it was dead. :mecry:

The autopsy revealed it was murdered.

Lodged it's abdominal cavity was two swollen, corroded objects. Evidently the objects were a chemical time-bombs, which contained a lethal dose of corrosive poison. :shakehead

Who would do such a thing!

During the autopsy the head was examined. It was barely recognizable as flashlight. At the tail was another tragedy. The smooth shiny glowing spring in the tail was stripped bare so that bare base metal was showing! :duck:

Even if there was a twinkle of life remaining, it was too late for this poor, innocent victim of an unintentional overdose of acid.:candle:

No one could have know this slow, painful murder was taking place. From the outside, the skin looked vibrant, no sign of it's undoing was evident.

So I warn you, of the potential dangers of associating with The Alkalines. They are known to be extremely unfriendly to the environment, they live a life of shame and then they spend their end of days as worthless pieces of trash. :tsk:

If you are fortunate enough to escape their devious ways, consider yourself lucky. Perhaps it would be better to associate with Nimhos or Lions. :shrug:

Here lies C3 Ultrafire
Came to give light but did expire
Trusted two cells as cheap as could be
Another Alkaline tragedy

:candle:

You try to warn people and they just don't listen!

If you have to use AA's at all be sure to open the light and check the cells weekly.

Best to use Lithium primaries and avoid the problem altogether.
Norm

Great story writing skill.

It is a well know fact the alkaline battery will leak if left in electronic devices.
Many of my Mag were destroy in this way.

China made flashlights are cheap, just get rid of the damaged light and buy another. You are not out by much.

:twothumbs Great story EngrPaul! :twothumbs

So were The Alkalines being antisocial keeping the flashlight host from venturing out and lighting up the world? Like maybe keeping the host in a box or on a shelf without ever allowing his head to light the way for weeks at a time?

Alkaline batteries are murder on flashlights. If you use them, it's best to remove the Alkaline batteries before storage, and store them in a dry area.

As sad as the story is I loled the way you worded it.

I gave my workmate my direct-drive modded LumaPower LM-33, two RCR 123's, and a charger. Hopefully he recovers from his mourning soon. :sigh:

GeeZ maybe I should get a job working where you work!

Time to invoke the Duracell or Energizer warranty.

I found myself giggling out loud at your post title.Quite cute and corny.

EngrPaul said:

So I warn you, of the potential dangers of associating with The Alkalines. They are known to be extremely unfriendly to the environment, they live a life of shame and then they spend their end of days as worthless pieces of trash. :tsk:

If you are fortunate enough to escape their devious ways, consider yourself lucky. Perhaps it would be better to associate with Nimhos or Lions. :shrug:

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Lions might eat you if they get hungry enough. The Nimhos are very friendly, and can be found on many a street corner; after dark. Oh, oops.... Guess I was thinking of a different critter.

I get Energizer AA and AAA for free at work... and still refuse to use them. Not only do they destroy whatever they are used in, they are a b1tch to dispose of and recycle.

Alkalines didn't do the light in, neglect did. If you didn't change the oil in your car, eventually it would ruin your car. Would you blame the oil ?? If you aren't going to be using a device for a while, you take the batteries out. If you use it regularly, and replace the cells when they get weak, you have no problems. I have forgotten to take the batteries out of a few holiday decorations and when I get them out the following year, sometimes they still work, sometimes not, but no leakage from the cells after an entire year in the attic. Today's alkaline batteries are very safe dependable, and they don't end up exploding, hissing or shooting flames like we've all heard of from CR123's

Exactly!
I have HEARD about shooting flames and I have SEEN corroded leaky alkalines.

I am sure both situations exist, don't get me wrong, but which battery does what more often eh.......?

With the benefit of hindsight, we can say that that poor flashlight would be alive today, if only lithium batteries had been used. Thanks for reporting this. Hopefully, this cautionary tale will spare some of our bother and sister flashoholics the same fate.

GPB said:

Alkalines didn't do the light in, neglect did.

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The average person expects to put a flashlight in a drawer with batteries, come back anytime in the near future (weeks, months) and it's gonna work fine. It was at room temperature, no other unusual circumstances.

Maybe the front door was left unlocked, but it was still murder, I tell you.

Great storywriting EngrPaul!

Norm said:

Best to use Lithium primaries and avoid the problem altogether.
Norm

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I agree with you, Norm! The fact that lithiums don't leak reason I've chosen to use lithium primaries.

I too have lost a few Mags due to leaky alkalines. That is why I bought some lithium AA's for my Fenix and Nitecore.

"The average person expects to put a flashlight in a drawer with batteries, come back anytime in the near future (weeks, months) and it's gonna work fine. It was at room temperature, no other unusual circumstances."

And they do !! Alkalines have a date stamped on them that says they have a shelf life of something like 5 years. I know they won't give 100% after that long, but they won't disintegrate either. This is only my experience, but I have never had a charged battery leak. Its only the dead ones that leak. If you use them regularly ( and I think most people here actively use their flashlights) they are perfectly acceptable.

Just remember. We all go to sleep at night with alkaline cells in our smoke and Carbon Monoxide detectors, (since I don't think there is another option for the 9volt format)

Alkalines get a bad rap and they don't deserve it.