These are a good example of why Puns are considered the "Lowest" form of humor.
*Two peanuts walk into a bar.... one was a salted.
*A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
*A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
*A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
*A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
*Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
*"Doc, help me, I can't stop singing "The green, green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
*A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says,
"Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
*Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
*A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What??? Because he's cross-eyed???"
"No, because he's really heavy."
*Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad.... or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
*I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
*I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
*Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
*A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um...well.... I have five penises" replies the man.
"Unbelievable!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
* What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!!!!!
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why?! I'm a fun guy!"
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces:
"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
When she told me I was average she was just being mean.
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
*Two peanuts walk into a bar.... one was a salted.
*A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
*A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
*A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
*A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
*Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
*"Doc, help me, I can't stop singing "The green, green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
*A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says,
"Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
*Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
*A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What??? Because he's cross-eyed???"
"No, because he's really heavy."
*Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad.... or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
*I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
*I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
*Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
*A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um...well.... I have five penises" replies the man.
"Unbelievable!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
* What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!!!!!
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why?! I'm a fun guy!"
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces:
"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
When she told me I was average she was just being mean.
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
, a person who is coughed upon.
