a joke I finally put on paper, a favorite

this traveling salesman is late for a very important sales call, and just as he is driving by the Napa State Mental Hospital in Northern California he gets a flat tire. Irritated, he gets out of his car takes all the lug nuts off the wheel, puts them in the upside down hubcap for safekeeping , goes to the trunk pulls out the spare , puts the spare tire back on the car, reaches back for the hubcap, accidentally tips it over and all the lug nuts spill into the open sewer grate."Oh great he says, now I won't make it to my sales meeting at all". Well, as luck would have it, one of the mental patients, standing on the sidewalk in his bathrobe, says "relax, just take one of your lug nuts off of each of your other wheels, put it on the spare , and it will get you to where your going." The salesman stands up and says," wait a minute, aren't you in this here mental institution?" " the patient says yea, but that's because I'm crazy............ not stupid". /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

My father owned an engineering and architectural firm.

One of the jobs he had was designing an addition to one of Ohio's state mental hospitals during the early 1960's

Two of his guys were counting bed spaces in one of the existing buildings. The guy counting called out the count to the guy who was writing the results. "Ten spaces", he said. A patient standing in the doorway watching said, " Twelve."

The engineer started counting again, and the patient said " See, your not so sure of yourself either".

Another time surveyors were laying out stakes for new construction.

It started to rain. The men had one last stake to set, so they decided to finish the job in the rain.

While they were driving the last stake, a voice came from one of the windows in a nearby building. " Hay you guys, I may be crazy, but at least I know enough to get in out of the rain."

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yellowlaugh.gif

(Thx!)

I liked that joke; if it's okay, I thought I'd tweak it a bit with a slightly different punchline that I recalled- /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

A traveling salesman is late for a very important sales call, and just as he is driving by the Napa State Mental Hospital in Northern California he gets a flat tire. Irritated, he jacks up the car and takes all the lug nuts off the wheel, puts them in the upside down hubcap for safekeeping. After pulling out the spare and putting it on the car, he reaches back for the lug nuts, but accidentally tips it over, spilling all the lug nuts into the open sewer grate. "Oh, great", he mutters, to no one in particular; "now I won't make it to my sales meeting at all", staring dumbly at the wheel.
As luck would have it, one of the mental patients, approaches, standing on the sidewalk in his bathrobe, and says "relax, just take one of your lug nuts off one of each of the other wheels, and put it on the spare." The salesman stands up and says,"Hey, that's a great idea! What are you doing in this mental institution?"
The patient says, "Yeah, they don't let me out because they think I'm crazy."
The salesman says, "Well, I'm going to talk to your doctors and recommend they release you, because you obviously don't belong there!".
The patient says, "Gee, thanks, I'd really appreciate that!" and the salesman proceeds to reinstall the spare.
As he finishes up on the last nut, he suddenly gets knocked flat after the patient wallops him with the flat tire. With stars dancing around in his head as his vision slowly dims, he faintly hears off in the distance as the patient says, "You won't forget about my recommendation, will you?"

that is a really dark , dark rendition of what I thought was a simple story, how did you come by this version?

An engineer walks past a mental hospital and sees an inmate in a bathrobe in the middle of the street, jumping up and down on a manhole cover shouting "Seventy-eight! Seventy-eight!"

The engineer asks the inmate what's going on and why he's jumping up and down like that. The inmate keeps jumping and says "do you really want to know?". The engineer says "yes, tell me!".

The inmate stops jumping, and shyly removes the manhole cover and invites the engineer to climb down and take a look inside. The engineer climbs down the ladder and with the engineer trapped below, the inmate quickly puts the manhole cover back on, jumping up and down on it shouting "Seventy-nine! Seventy-nine!".

Taken from Maxim:

Q:How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?





A: Wanna go bike riding?!?

[ QUOTE ]
keithhr said:
that is a really dark , dark rendition of what I thought was a simple story, how did you come by this version?

[/ QUOTE ] that doesn't qualify for dark in my book.

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/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif I thought it was hilarious /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon3.gif

[ QUOTE ]
tkl said:
[ QUOTE ]
keithhr said:
that is a really dark , dark rendition of what I thought was a simple story, how did you come by this version?

[/ QUOTE ] that doesn't qualify for dark in my book.

[/ QUOTE ]
Hmm, I didn't think it was all that dark either; but that was the version I remembered from a long while back- I don't remember from where any more, but it was the unexpected end that I found funny-

This thread makes me want to swear off bathrobes for a while, though... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

The janitor of a local mental hospital started a small garden behind the building.
One day one of the patients saw him lugging around large sacks of manure.
"What are you gonna do with all that manure?" he asked.

"I put it on my strawberries", answered the janitor.

"Wow!!! I put sugar on mine and they call me crazy!!"

Re: a joke I finally put on paper, a favorite *DELETED* *DELETED*

Post deleted by e=mc²

A man finally gets released after 23 years in prison. First thing he does is go to a singles bar to meet a woman. He meets one, they go to her place, and he earnestly rushes in to consummate an act which he has not enjoyed in 23 years.

During the lovemaking he notices the woman's toes, now up near her ears, curl up as he goes in, and relax as he withdraws. This sequence repeats itself over and over until the man finally relieves himself.

Over a cigarette afterwards he asks the woman about this, and she replies, "Well, most guys give me a chance to take off my pantyhose first." <=^0

[ QUOTE ]
V8TOYOTATRK said:
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif I thought it was hilarious /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon3.gif

[/ QUOTE ] LMAO! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif it was.

empath, why didn't you like it?

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Having once spent 3 months in a "mental" hospital because of severe depression, I find this thread to be fairly offensive and would ask the moderators to close it. I met a lot of decent people in there and I don't think mocking them shows this forum in a good light.

I changed my mind. Please contact the Cafe Moderators who know better the atmosphere of the Cafe.

Respectfully,

Al
CPF Administrator

I have adhd- these things are no joke and we pay thousand for meds just so we can live the normal lives you live. what the "joke" stated is not funny. I truly wish i could go unmedicated but i cant. I've tried 3 times to free myself from the bondage of regular pill taking. sadly it cant be done and each time i tried i endured a month of misery.

jokes about mental patients arent funny either. my short stint there was the worst experience of my life. the first night being the worst night of my life.
to start out confused and scared was bad enough but to see my mommy and daddy walk through that door and hear the electronic locks slide home and to be clueless as to when they would come back or if they would ever come back was the most heartbreaking gutwrenching feeling anyone could have. [in the end we found that my physc was mistaken and that i never should have been there. ] the trapped feeling and the hopelessness of never going outside is miserable. I never took a breeze on my face or the rain or freedom itself for granted agian.

sorry to put a damper on the party but just think thos were in poor taste

jmho

I don't think making jokes about mental patients is any more offensive than poking fun at rednecks, woman, men, geeks, blondes, Italians, Jew, Blacks, Whites, fat, skinny or any other group.

Look at the joke in the light it was intended. If the joke is intended to be cruel then it's an attack and it's wrong. If it's just light humor then don't be hyper sensitive and learn to laugh at yourself. No one is being picked on here. A couple of the jokes here are in bad taste but they are not cruel. Mr. Bulk's joke is probably the most marginal of them all.

My son is severely autistic to the point it makes ADD or ADHD look like a walk in the park. He spends his days being self-injurious and has a 10-word vocabulary when he can say a word at all. He can't go to any type of school and throws about ten 30-minute tantrums a day and can't tell us why he's mad. There are others with far more severe conditions than my son. We (humans) have to look at the lighter side and smile or laugh just to keep from crying and feeling sorry for ourselves. Self pity is unproductive. I bet the best mental jokes come from patients in the mental institutions.

Write a joke about a fat redneck living on the gulf coast, I promise to laugh.