Mom getting old?

Just wondering if others can relate to this one.

My mom and I have the same cellphones under a family plan, but mine broke so I gave her the extra battery. I tried explaining to her that if she has a spare battery that is fully charged, she can swap out the discharged one and pop in the charged one at any time. She didn't understand so I tried explaining to her again- still didn't get it. Frustrated, I showed her with one of my flashlights the concept of having a spare battery. I *think* she got it, but I can't be sure.

The problem is this isn't the only thing. She sometimes needs help with other things that is fairly simple for the average 5-year-old to grasp, but I can literally spoon-feed her the directions letter-by-letter and she still won't get it.

In case you're wondering she's not senile. She's not that old lol...

...but sometimes I wonder if she's faking it or she really is losing it. Or maybe it's both... idk. I know A LOT of old people (my grandmother included) who completely took advantage of "being old" and weren't willing to change something in their lives, but in reality they only had manipulative and selfish ambitions.

Thoughts?

Dude, I don't know how many times my wife and I have wondering if my mom was faking "not getting" something too. She's a smart lady that is not that old, but she act's like the simplest things are a foreign concept sometimes. So weird/annoying.

Well my mom is only 50, so she is completely coherent.
My grandma is way more tech savey for her age. She has one of those kindles and knows everything about it, knows how to plug it into her computer, buy new books, transfer books to kindle etc.

My grampa on my dads side is another story. He recently turned 86. He is more into the mechanics on how things work. He has all the tools in the world and fixes all his stuff. But he cant check his e mail to save his life.

My mom, who is quite old now, (90) has always lacked cognitive skills. I think that's just the way it is with some people.

Middle-aged > old people can get VERY obstinate if they think they are being patronised or treated like half-witted idiots. Sometimes they just enjoy the attention and reaction they get when they're winding you up.

Your mom enjoys your visits. I bet she knows perfectly well how to swap out the battery, but she likes it that you drop by to do things like this for her.

DM51 said:

Your mom enjoys your visits. I bet she knows perfectly well how to swap out the battery, but she likes it that you drop by to do things like this for her.

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Wish there was a Bingo smiley.

DM51 said:

Your mom enjoys your visits. I bet she knows perfectly well how to swap out the battery, but she likes it that you drop by to do things like this for her.

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I agree. I think it's distasteful that parents and old people take advantage of their own children.:sick2:

Anyone else experience something similar?

I think they do that just so they get to see their children or grand children as much as they can. When you become elderly parents or grandparents, you will understand this more. I wish I had spent more time with my grandparents or visited them more often.

We all think they will be around forever but then one day they will be gone and you don't want to regret not spending more time with them. I regret it everyday and there isn't a thing I can do about it now that they are gone. Try to visit or call them more often so you won't have any regrets. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

Bring her to a Doctor, such things can be the signs of early onset dementia or something controllable like Diabetes 2. Don't guess, know.

fishinfool said:

I think they do that just so they get to see their children or grand children as much as they can. When you become elderly parents or grandparents, you will understand this more. I wish I had spent more time with my grandparents or visited them more often.

We all think they will be around forever but then one day they will be gone and you don't want to regret not spending more time with them. I regret it everyday and there isn't a thing I can do about it now that they are gone. Try to visit or call them more often so you won't have any regrets. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

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Trust me, there are MUCH better ways for parents/grandparents to get their kids' attention...:shakehead

guntotin_fool said:

Bring her to a Doctor, such things can be the signs of early onset dementia or something controllable like Diabetes 2. Don't guess, know.

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My mom visits her doctor regularly, in fact she just recently had a check-up. Thanks anyways.

Some of the older generation just don't get some of the newer things.

When my mother was alive, I got very frustrated at some of the things that she 'didn't get.'

Almost every time that I called her cell, she 'answered it' but didn't know that she did. I would have to listen to her talk to her friends for several minutes until I could get her again or she would call me back.

We won't even discuss the time that I set up a computer for her so that she could get email from her kids and grand kids. Let's just say it didn't work. It was an old Mac and couldn't have been any easier.

This had nothing to do with her 'end of life' issues when things did get really bad.

I would get so frustrated and wonder how she could make it from day to day. She was no dummy, she was a really smart cookie, but there were just some things she couldn't or didn't want to compute in her head.

Let me give you some strong advice. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish that I would get a call with some 'stupid question' that I could help her with.

Embrace it while you can. You'll feel really good about it later.

kitelights said:

Let me give you some strong advice. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish that I would get a call with some 'stupid question' that I could help her with.

Embrace it while you can. You'll feel really good about it later.

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Exactly! You'll have a clear conscience and be able to sleep good at night.

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My grandmother tends to copy and paste entire web pages in emails. I've tried explaining how to post the link, which can be followed. With that, she had a ton of trouble getting it...

I think it has a lot to do with older peoples' early typing experiences. On a typewriter, if a mistake was made, it was basically forever. You basically had to start over with a brand new sheet of paper... I think that's still ingrained in them. When they see a blank word document, they consciously realize that mistakes are easy to fix, but don't necessarily sub-consciously realize that. So, in her mind, posting a link isn't doing anything... Copy-ing and pasting the entire page is permanent, and she knows I'll see what she was trying to show me...

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Regular check ups don't really tend to check for early onset dementia or Alzheimer's. My grandmother (who my mother is currently caring for) has Alzheimer's disease. She started getting confused and forgetfull about two years before she really needed 24hour care...
You need to really start checking up on her. You need to see if she needs more help getting around the home, if she becomes easily confused or upset (she may be confused, and become angry about why she isn't remembering things).

Alzhiemer's/dementia are not diseases that should be so flippantly dismissed. They are serious and life changing.

fishinfool, kitelights:

It sounds like you guys have a lot of regret not spending enough time with your older relatives. I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you can live in peace with yourselves...

...but if you wish to be your parent's front doormat in perpetuity, be my guest.

There's a HUGE difference between getting old and taking advantage of your kids. Fortunately I was able to make that distinction in time. I have no regrets because I always helped my mom with every opportunity she can get. So much so that I suspected she was taking advantage of me, and until DM51 made his post I finally realized she was.

The verdict is clear: it's easier for her to ask me to do it, so she abuses her privilege to do so.


I have a story to tell: when my friend was in college her dad would never do his laundry. Her mom would always ask why he never did his laundry because she got sick and tired of doing it. He said he didn't know how to use the washer, so one day my friend got curious and dropped the question. He said "I'm not stupid. I know how to use the washer, I just get your mom to do it for me."

:sick2::sick2::sick2::sick2::sick2:

The point of my post was not that your mom was taking advantage of you - it was that she enjoyed your visits. Pretending she didn't know how to change the batteries was the best way she could think of to get you to drop by more often.

It's human nature that people will use what influence they have, and when you're old you probably don't have much left to use except helplessness. Yes, she knows what she's doing, not much doubt about it. But it is for the best possible reason – you're her son, and she likes to see you once in a while!

I suggest you tell her nicely to drop the act with the batteries, and that you'd like to visit ANYWAY, once or twice a week, or whatever, whether the stupid batts need changing or not. Then with the BS out of the way you'll both relax, and I bet you start having some great conversations.

Well said DM51, well said....

DM51 said:

I suggest you tell her nicely to drop the act with the batteries, and that you'd like to visit ANYWAY, once or twice a week, or whatever, whether the stupid batts need changing or not. Then with the BS out of the way you'll both relax, and I bet you start having some great conversations.

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Actually my mom lives with me and we spend a lot of time together, so that's not a problem.