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Thread: My complaint about Candle Power Forums!

  1. #1
    Flashaholic* EZO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Vermont, USA

    Default My complaint about Candle Power Forums!

    Parts of what follows below were actually painful to write. However, because of the ongoing misinformation campaigns launched by Candle Power Forums and its slaves I feel it is my duty to write this. There are a number of reasons Candle Power Forums isn't telling us as to why it wants to waste our time and money. In this letter, I will expose those reasons one-by-one, on the principle that if you want to hide something from it, you just have to put it in a book. You may be picking up on something here in all of my responses to Candle Power Forums's bilious circulars. All of my responses presume that Candle Power Forums is thoroughly inconsistent in its views. On one hand, Candle Power Forums insists that mediocrity is a worthwhile goal. But on the other hand, it favors reducing us to acute penury. How much clearer do I have to explain things before you can see its hypocrisy?

    I will not say what is right and what is wrong when it comes to Candle Power Forums's slurs. But I will say one thing: When people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Candle Power Forums is to blame. Candle Power Forums is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, it operates under cover of self-created screen. Candle Power Forums seizes in its long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection.

    Candle Power Forums's insults are like an enormous blackguardism-spewing machine. We must begin dismantling that structure. We must put a monkey wrench in its gears. And we must act as a positive role model for younger people because Candle Power Forums's pertinacious, incompetent initiatives are based on a jungle mentality of mistrust, betrayal, and disloyalty. If you doubt this, just ask around. Candle Power Forums's insinuations always follow the same pattern. It puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that it knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. It's really amazing, isn't it? We can put people on the Moon and send robot explorers to Mars, but in a recent essay, Candle Power Forums stated that newspapers should report only on items it agrees with. Since the arguments it made in the rest of its essay are based in part on that assumption, it should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but its ipse dixits will send us to Hell in a handbasket before long. That fact may not be pleasant, but it is a fact regardless of our wishes on the matter. Finally, whatever your thoughts or feelings about Candle Power Forums are, I urge you to help me encourage open, civic engagement.

    PLEASE READ!! To our esteemed Moderators and any CPFers who may be suffering from a serious bout of humor impairment, please remember what day today is after you've read this amusing little missive. It is intended as satire, just in case you haven't already figured that out. This "complaint" was randomly generated and entirely written by computer using Scott Pakin's Automatic Complaint Letter Generator, a wonderfully diabolical web page that has been on the internet since 1994. You can read more about the site HERE. Happy April Fool's Day everyone!

  2. #2
    Flashaholic maskman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009

    Default Re: My complaint about Candle Power Forums!

    You had me going. I thought you might have lost it.

  3. #3

    Default Re: My complaint about Candle Power Forums!

    Knew you were joking when I read the word "slaves," at the start of your post. Nice try though.
    "The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there... Not the other way around!" - John Cleese.

  4. #4

    Default Re: My complaint about Candle Power Forums!

    Fooled me. I had to put a quarter in the cussing jar because of your post. Happy April Fools Day!

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