My manly rescue.

As is often the case at the medical institute I attend, the lovely young ladies required the aggressive intervention of a manly man to rescue . . . their snacks. Seems the demon vending machine had cheated them out of their quarters, dimes, and nickels. One poor damsel in distress had fed the machine $4 of her precious coins. Yet still the vile thing refused to dispense the sustenance she required to master her lessons for the day. It held two snacks, not just one, that rightfully belonged to her.

Try as the other maidens might, they could not budge the snacks from the uncaring creature. No matter what they tried, nothing was achieved. That is until the knight known as Mono of Crom, approached the creature. Quickly the small group of lovely young maidens explained the situation. Our brave hero had dealt with such evil beings before. Often, brutal manly aggression and a shoulder of steel was all it took. But our hero could see that this particular creature of vending was weak and pathetic. No manly shoulder was needed. A manly fist would more than suffice. And thus our hero struck the creature repeatedly in one spot. The constant, concentrated, shock was all it took. In seconds, the cowardly creature gave up its booty of snacks belonging to one of the maidens.

The fair maidens knew what was needed to fix the problem . . . They needed a man. Thankfully, one was around. The maidens showered our hero with praise and thanks. It was all he required. The hungry maiden thus fed, all was well again.

Translation:

Vending machine was acting up. A group of girls tried everything to get the stuck snacks out of it. I walked up to get a snack, saw the problem, and fixed it by pounding on the plexi-glass front with my fist. I pounded in a certain spot that caused vibrations to very slowly shake the snacks loose. I'm great at getting stuck snacks out of vending machines. (Call it a gift.) Usually I slam my shoulder into the front of the machines several times until the snacks fall out. This time, I only had to use the bottom of my fist to get the job done. And the ladies were indeed thankful and happy that I came along.

Ah, it's good to be the man. :thumbsup:

Nice job, Monocrom. I agree, those vending machines are evil.

I knew a guy who was a little high strung. He fought constantly with a balky vending machine at the office. One day the machine had ripped him off for the last time and he blew a fuse. He took a baseball bat to it and apparently did a number on it.

I didn't see him around the office any more after that incident. :duh2:

PhotonWrangler,

There was a guy that used to be in my workgroup that got so fed up with a balky Xerox copy machine that he wheeled it down the hall and shoved it out the front door into the parking lot. He could get away with it though because he was the boss. :laughing:


And Monocrom, you da man! :thumbsup:

Another technique I've used is to push against the top of the machine to tilt it back slightly so the front feet are a couple of inches off the ground, then let it fall back forward. The shock of hitting the ground would jar loose the hung up snack(s). Always worked for me, just have to make sure it doesn't drop on a toe or anything!

Very manly, Monocrom. That's a story well told right there. Thanks for sharing!

I knew it. Monocrom = Col. Bat Guano (pic below)

DM51 said:

I knew it. Monocrom = Col. Bat Guano (pic below)

Click to expand...

I love that movie!!

Probably the funniest movie about the destruction of the civilized world ever.

In this scene, despite facing the possibility of nuclear war on a global scale, our trusty Col. Guano is concerned about possibly antagonizing the mighty Coca-Cola corporation! Fortunately, he accepts the risk, shoots the machine, and mankind is saved.... or is it??

Steve K.

DM51 said:

I knew it. Monocrom = Col. Bat Guano (pic below)

Click to expand...

Ah, but that is not I; good Sir. I require no carbine and no grenades to deal with the foul beasts.

My manly shoulder and fist are all that I have ever needed.

My hero! :bow: and yes, very well told :thumbsup:

Well Done!!:thumbsup::twothumbs:laughing:

I too have done the "tilt back and let it fall forward" technique.

DaFABRICATA said:

Well Done!!:thumbsup::twothumbs:laughing:

I too have done the "tilt back and let it fall forward" technique.

Click to expand...

Too?? Ah! I understand. You went for the gentle technique. I prefer the manly shoulder-tackle to the front, or the manly beating of the manly fist. I have no knowledge of this gentle technique you call "tilt & let fall forward." It does intrigue me though, good Sir. :thinking:

The "tilt & let fall forward" method has resulted in death and injuries.

The score between 1978 and 1995 was 37 deaths and 113 injuries. We've had one around here a while back. An attendant opening up one morning at a service station found a dead man under their outside vending machine.

We've got such a creature at work too, except I'm quite sure it's the fault of the man who comes to feed the monster. He packs the snacks in too tight sometimes so the auger can't get them out. I've slammed and pounded once or twice... I can't tilt and drop since there are 4 machines all bolted together, so they probably weigh like two thousand pounds together. I once spent $6 to get a bag of chips as I bought all the heavy snacks above it hoping the impact of them falling on the dangling bag would dislodge it....eventually it worked, but I then had poptarts, donuts, chips and cherry pie all laying at the bottom of the machine. :hahaha:

+

Vending Machine Man
"no, that's not just a torch in my shorts"

Empath said:

The "tilt & let fall forward" method has resulted in death and injuries.

The score between 1978 and 1995 was 37 deaths and 113 injuries. We've had one around here a while back. An attendant opening up one morning at a service station found a dead man under their outside vending machine.

Click to expand...

I knew it! The machines strike back!

I used to work at a place where this cheap sob was always trying to beat up the machine to get free snacks. Never saw him put a quarter in :scowl:

orbital said:

Vending Machine Man
"no, that's not just a torch in my shorts"

Click to expand...

Ironically, that does sort of look like me.

Update:

The vile creature has begun to exhibit odd behavior. Apparently its eye-sight is not too good. It tried twice to cheat me out of my rightful snacks after coinage was given. The snack would stop mid-way. A gentle tap of my manly fist reminded the creature who I was. In its clear fear of the consequences, it would cause a second snack to be dispensed from the same spot, immediately. This actually took place a 2nd time as I was fighting off a manly hunger today. I now have a spare bag of sliced potatoes covered in cream of sour and the finest cheese powder in the valley. Along with a spare packet of homemade cookies of chocolate chip vintage. Surely to be devoured on my heroic quest during tomorrow's nightfall. But the creature is still evil. I know it will only be a matter of time before its greedy ways strike again.

Monocrom said:

Ironically, that does sort of look like me.

Click to expand...

Liar!

We should gather men armed with rakes and torches and pursue this evil creature...who's with me?

The creature is lazy beyond belief. Tis not much of a quest nor much of a pursuit to be had, good Sir. Legend has it that the vile thing has not moved from its current den in centuries.

Then we shall punish it so much easier..