Reason 101 why divorce sucks

My wife left me for one of her coworkers on Nov 2nd. On top of the pain, I find myself unable to buy any flashlights online until the new credit card comes in the mail. It's like insult to injury on an already bad situation (no the divorce is not flashlight related)

I get my son 50% of the time, he's my sanity right now. I've got good friends and great family to support me so I will get through this
12 years we were together, I find myself picking up the peaces and just trying to keep momentum. Some days are better than others.

Crap situation on both counts. Hang in there brother.

Thanks HSG

I've heard that the key to marriage is to, "never stop dating your wife".

We guys tend to settle into a taking her for granted routine after we own her. I mean, she's 'ours' now after all so why bother pursuing her anymore, right?

ledmitter_nli said:

I've heard that the key to marriage is to, "never stop dating your wife".

We guys tend to settle into a taking her for granted routine after we own her. I mean, she's 'ours' now after all so why bother pursuing her anymore, right?

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Still doesn't make sense to leave...ideally, it's supposed to be for keeps. better or worse. Hang in there, CarpentryHero :/. Guys' idea of ownership is very different than girls' ideas of ownership, it seems... A good wife is like a good flashlight. She'll be there for you whether you need it or not. She'll light up your night like the brightest of days. Even ladies need a little bit of maintenance now and then.

I cannot claim to know the mind of a female, but this is purely from observation: Male ownership: It works? Great! I'll check on it and keep it in the best condition i possibly can until it needs replacing. Even then, I'll keep it around because i can still fix it myself.

Female ownership: Oh wow, my (insert noun here) is worth $$$$$, it'll upkeep itself, or join my other (insert similar nouns here) until i feel like using it. I'll throw it away or give it away if i don't like it anymore.

IDC what anyone says, most guys are EASILY more sentimental than ladies are.

I feel your pain. I'm sure the situation is complex and not easy to understand or resolve. Take it day by day. You'll survive because of friends and family and some important breaks from reality that flashlights provide. But you'll have scars.

yoyoman said:

I feel your pain. I'm sure the situation is complex and not easy to understand or resolve. Take it day by day. You'll survive because of friends and family and some important breaks from reality that flashlights provide. But you'll have scars.

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Battle scars do the tough dude make.

Congratulations.

If she left you, you don't need her. Never did. Be glad she gave you one good thing: your son.

I know what you're going through because I see what my sister has been going through emotionally and financially since her husband walked out on her in July 2011 after 18 years. Sure, she's absolutely better off without him, she's long gotten over it emotionally, but financially things are a wreck. Her daughter is in college which means her expenses greatly exceed her income. My mom and I have helped her as much as we can, but it's still not enough. To add insult to injury, her ex-husband has been living with someone else (actually several someone elses) from the day he moved out, so evidently he had been cheating long before he left.

Hang in there. It will only get better with time. If she left you, you don't need her.

CarpentryHero,

Terribly sorry to read of your situation. Since I found myself going through something similar many years ago (once as the son and again later as the husband) I'll offer some advice. Make every effort to be honest with yourself. Try to separate the feelings of loss from those of pride. If you drink alcohol, drink less now, not more. Too much turns stupid ideas into good ones. Assure your son he isn't the cause of the problems between you and his mother. Always remember she is his mother. Realize the mistakes you and your wife have made, forgive yourself and your wife, then move on. Time won't heal all, but in time it will get better.

~ Chance

CarpentryHero said:

[...] I've got good friends and great family to support me so I will get through this

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Sorry to hear of your troubles CH, you've always got friends here on CPF.

Thanks all

Right now, your son is The. Most. Important. Person. in the entire situation. No matter who did or does what. And your ex is and will always be his mother. Strong bond, that, no matter who's right or wrong... Hang in there, try to work together for what's best for him. Nothing gained by involving him in your guy's deal. See someone to talk to if you need to. Clergy, a therapist, anyone but a bartender. Time lessens the pain, hang in there. If I may, how old is your son?

Your life is now very simple. You only have to worry about you and your son. Do fun things and spend money to get bad things off your mind. You won't care now about meeting new women but sooner or later you will meet someone who is better than your ex and you will be in a better place.

Things will get better. Love your son.
Keep your work good.

I've been there, time will be the best fix.

Sorry to hear about this. What has happened is done and it sounds like it is out of your hands. You have already received plenty of good advice so far so I will just say "ditto" to the above.

If you treated her well & with respect she will soon find out she made the mistake of leaving you.
I am divorced, and my ex thought she found better, but realized differently.

Divorce is one of the most disruptive things one can go through in life, take it one day at a time. I wish you the best.

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Honestly, it's such true tales that keep me from getting married.

Monocrom said:

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Honestly, it's such true tales that keep me from getting married.

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Same here.