Sure do! But I'm a car enthusiast. There's a certain degree, sometimes a very high one, of control that I have on the road. I have total control of my car. Marriage doesn't work the same way. If my spouse wants to leave me, I have no control over that. None. Also, in order to avoid confusion, not saying I'd want to to have total control over my wife. But I am saying that if a spouse decides "I'm done with this relationship." Well, absolutely nothing I can do about that. I don't want to control my spouse, but I'd like some control over the situation itself. When driving, I've got that. In a marriage, I don't.
When single, you've got a great deal of control over your Life. When married, you simply do not. If both are on the same page, it's a beautiful thing. If one spouse isn't, it becomes a mess or can become one down the road.
I really enjoyed your reply. Thanks for taking the time to write it.
What gives you the ability to have that degree of control? Being a car enthusiast I'm sure you'll agree driving skills aren't all that is needed. I don't know what you drive, but I'd bet money you have a thorough understanding of her power train, and a working knowledge of her maintenance needs. I'm also sure you know exactly what will happen if you don't attend to those needs. 95 mph into turn three car informs you, "I'm done with this relationship!" You're both heading toward the wall, you're both screaming, you're trying to correct (not going to happen with warn-out tires) you're trying to stop but you haven't even looked at the brakes for a year.....too much momentum....BAMB!
Admittedly, just as with cars, some women require more maintenance than others. Some of the high-maintenance models are worth the extra time & money, some aren't. Regardless, it's a foolish man who thinks he can operate a vehicle for years on end without giving any attention to its needs.
You're right, if it comes to the point of her deciding she is going to leave me, I have very little to no control. Too little, too late. Healthy control over a spouse (control being the power to influence or direct the others behavior, which I think both people in most marriages have to varying degree) is best used by controlling ones own actions. If I don't want my wife to leave me, I control her by treating her as being more important than myself. Likewise, in a healthy marriage, my wife "controls" me by treating me as being more important than herself. We both realize marriage isn't 50/50. Some days it's 90/10, other days it's 60/40. The recipe for a healthy marriage is when both realize the person they have the greatest ability to control is themselves, and then exercise that control for the benefit of their spouse.
True. But once again, there is a certain level of control involved. In a marriage, there's none.
If I'm correct, when you wrote this you had realized that unless you're the only driver, on a closed track, your ability to totally control your car depends also on the actions of the other drivers.
~ Chance
Edit: Not wanting my point to be missed I'll add,, Most women don't just up-and-leave a healthy marriage. Most (but not all) of the time they leave because the marriage has become unbearable, not just because someone "better" comes along.
