more_vampires
Flashlight Enthusiast
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2014
- Messages
- 3,475
For the humor impaired, it's funny. Laugh.
Hmmm. There's more to it than this. Infinity, 1 and 0 are only 3 points. As flashlights approach infinity, they become an indeterminate form and collapse under their own gravity. Time must grind to a halt inside the event horizon as flashlights approach the singularity. Thus flashlights can never reach infinity. Eliminating the indeterminate form reduces the points to 1 and 0. Therefore, the slope of the graph may be equal to one.
.....BUT!
Unfortunately, since 1 = 0, then the rate of flashlight increase is simultaneously 1 per unit of time AND 0 per unit of time. That's why sometimes you buy a flashlight and sometimes not (but wish you had.)
The first derivative of 1 is 0, implying that the rate of flashlight increase is constant for all eternity. The first derivative of 0 is 0, implying that you will NEVER acquire more flashlights. Upon closer inspection, however, an instantaneous point upon the flashlight graph reveals very strange and counter-intuitive things. Even though the slope is equal to 1 and 0 simultaneously, this actually tells you nothing about the instantaneous rate of change at any specific point in the curve. The chaos evens out over a larger time scale as summation kicks in, but at any instant you may have negative (theft or loss of a borrowed flashlight) or even imaginary flashlights (vaporware/sqrt -1 flashlights, aka Euler lights or "North Korea" lights.)
Quantum flashlight physics, baby!
Flashlight and anti-flashlight annihilation. That's when you find out your light is broken or has been obsoleted and there's better stuff on the market so you purge in conjunction with new purchases.
Heisenberg's Flashlight Uncertainty Principle. This is when you order a flashlight and will receive it (1) or not (0.) Though the rate of increase would normally be equal to 1, the rate of increase is also equal to 0 upon placing your order. This is related to Schrodinger's Flashlight.
Schrodinger's Flashlight. When receiving a flashlight, it is impossible to determine if it is the correct flashlight, if it functions, or if the box is empty. Therefore, the flashlight is correct, is incorrect, functions, and is defective simultaneously until within it's frame of reference (you are in New York and the flashlight is in New York, not San Francisco) and you open the box. Then, of course, it's too late and you're stuck with whatever is in there.
Spooky Action at a Distance. This is when you start pestering your flashlight supplier by email or phone (which is limited to the speed of light) and a tracking number spontaneously appears or has already appeared (because you didn't check your messages.) However, Conservation of Flashlights and Energy states that for every flashlight tracking number, there will be a flashlight anti-tracking number (for a flashlight that is not yours, or one delivered to another universe, or perhaps even turning out to be a non-flashlight item such as a set of wrenches.)
Infinity = 1 and 1 = none ... lol !
Hmmm. There's more to it than this. Infinity, 1 and 0 are only 3 points. As flashlights approach infinity, they become an indeterminate form and collapse under their own gravity. Time must grind to a halt inside the event horizon as flashlights approach the singularity. Thus flashlights can never reach infinity. Eliminating the indeterminate form reduces the points to 1 and 0. Therefore, the slope of the graph may be equal to one.
.....BUT!
Unfortunately, since 1 = 0, then the rate of flashlight increase is simultaneously 1 per unit of time AND 0 per unit of time. That's why sometimes you buy a flashlight and sometimes not (but wish you had.)
The first derivative of 1 is 0, implying that the rate of flashlight increase is constant for all eternity. The first derivative of 0 is 0, implying that you will NEVER acquire more flashlights. Upon closer inspection, however, an instantaneous point upon the flashlight graph reveals very strange and counter-intuitive things. Even though the slope is equal to 1 and 0 simultaneously, this actually tells you nothing about the instantaneous rate of change at any specific point in the curve. The chaos evens out over a larger time scale as summation kicks in, but at any instant you may have negative (theft or loss of a borrowed flashlight) or even imaginary flashlights (vaporware/sqrt -1 flashlights, aka Euler lights or "North Korea" lights.)
Quantum flashlight physics, baby!
Flashlight and anti-flashlight annihilation. That's when you find out your light is broken or has been obsoleted and there's better stuff on the market so you purge in conjunction with new purchases.
Heisenberg's Flashlight Uncertainty Principle. This is when you order a flashlight and will receive it (1) or not (0.) Though the rate of increase would normally be equal to 1, the rate of increase is also equal to 0 upon placing your order. This is related to Schrodinger's Flashlight.
Schrodinger's Flashlight. When receiving a flashlight, it is impossible to determine if it is the correct flashlight, if it functions, or if the box is empty. Therefore, the flashlight is correct, is incorrect, functions, and is defective simultaneously until within it's frame of reference (you are in New York and the flashlight is in New York, not San Francisco) and you open the box. Then, of course, it's too late and you're stuck with whatever is in there.
Spooky Action at a Distance. This is when you start pestering your flashlight supplier by email or phone (which is limited to the speed of light) and a tracking number spontaneously appears or has already appeared (because you didn't check your messages.) However, Conservation of Flashlights and Energy states that for every flashlight tracking number, there will be a flashlight anti-tracking number (for a flashlight that is not yours, or one delivered to another universe, or perhaps even turning out to be a non-flashlight item such as a set of wrenches.)
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