Going out for a meal / socialising in the evenings - not what it is cracked up to be?

Minimoog · Mar 4, 2016

I am sometimes asked on an after work meal or evening family get together for some food but I rarely like attending, which is disappointing to me. I have just come back from a meal with friends and I realise why I try to put off attending.

On the face of it it sounds great - a get together, food, chat and laughs. But the reality always seems to fall short and I am glad to get away. This evening I noted the following as I tried to work out why it is not my scene when it sounds so good when arranging...

On the plus side:

1. Good food and an open fire in the pub/restaurants.
2. Real ales and friendly service.
3. Get to see friends.

On the negative side:

1. Noise - the 'chatter' builds as the places fill to end up at an ear splitting level of people almost shouting. No hope of a conversation, just shouted short phrases. This is my biggest bugbear, as what is the point of meeting if I end up in silence whilst others bellow over each other to be heard. I often have to wait to when we leave to say what I wanted.
2. Swearing - I'm not into swearing in such places so other people cussing liberally and loudly jars with me.
3. Dogs - I like dogs but why are there so many dogs in restaurants in the evenings? I counted 7 this evening and they bark loudly as they scuffle with each other and pester to get at our food on the table. One person fell over one dog and went flying.
4. Live music. Any live music at a meet WILL be at an even higher ear splitting level than the talking, plus the talking is even louder than usual to get over the music.
5. Too late. After a long working week I am tired and after about 10 PM I really want my bed...
6. Drinking for fun. I love a beer or two but I don't go out of my way to drink and all the noise ends up making me fed up with drinking and being there.

So do you do evenings out? Do you find them a pleasure or a chore?

My ideal evening out is a walk around the harbour and seeing the boats moving on the changing tide or over the moonlit fields to see the stars and hear the owls and feel the chill of the night air on my skin, but that is no good I am told - and it certainly is nowhere as popular as the above as the paths are always empty.

Nitroz · Mar 4, 2016

Me personally I like to entertain at my house, and I love to cook for the guest so I understand what you're saying.

I like the peace and quiet of the woods with a movie outdoors.

Leded · Mar 4, 2016

I assume we are just getting older and wiser.

Tejasandre · Mar 4, 2016

You just gotta find that one other person who has similar interests.

scs · Mar 4, 2016

Take it from a Chinese proverb:

"A thousand drinks are too few between soul mates....
and half a sentence is too much for a charmless conversation."

lightlover · Mar 4, 2016

Minimoog said:
... But the reality always seems to fall short and I am glad to get away.
...This evening ... as what is the point of meeting if I end up in silence whilst others bellow over each other to be heard. ...

My ideal evening out is a walk ... ...but that is no good I am told...

Minimoog,

I hear what you're saying, and appreciate it fully.

BUT: could it be the beginnings of a low spell?

Just Asking ...

Crazyeddiethefirst · Mar 4, 2016

I love getting together at my house or a friends house. Much easier to control the noise & other interferences. Often times we may play cards but it is really a cover-it allows the conversation to be as intimate and confidential or as light and inconsequential as desired. I believe over the years marriages, relationships and parent child relationships have been salvaged by some of these gatherings. I also find that I don't enjoy loud boisterous gatherings, and I attribute it to aging...

sidecross · Mar 4, 2016

I enjoy being alone; my partner justplaincross, are very happy living a solitary life style.

We walk for coffee at a local coffee bar and exchange conversation of less than hour. I then spend the rest of my time away from people. I pay little attention to what others think about me; I trust my judgement.

Tre_Asay · Mar 4, 2016

Sometimes I enjoy the crowds and the noise just for the experience, but usually I would rather be outside myself. I get pestered into going to dances and I do my best to have fun but it is just too much and it is too late. Usually I am ready for it to be over after an hour but I have to stay 3 more :sigh:. One time I left to get a drink of water and decided to go for a jog, 3/4 of a mile later across some roads and farmland I found a small airport with no fence. Those runway lights still used incandescent bulbs. I went back and it had only been 20 minutes since I had left.

I have also really been into quiet ambient places ever since my Dad brought me to his office when I was very young. It was a Saturday and the large building was completely silent other than the distant sound of the AC. It was so much more peaceful than anywhere I had been before (growing up in the suburbs in CA the cars never stop making noise). It is almost impossible to find real peace and quiet anywhere within a mile of a road, even in a house the droning white noise of engines and tires on roads is audible.

I also agree with Crazy Eddie, it is much better to gather true friends at a house if you wan't to have a good conversation.

StarHalo · Mar 4, 2016

Might want to find a different meeting place; seven dogs?!

sidecross · Mar 4, 2016

Where I go for coffee in the morning I bring dog biscuits to hand out, since my fourth dog, a Pit Bull mix named Respect died.

Most of the dogs are well behaved and the few that are not I have worked with and they were eager to learn good behavior. Most, if not all, dog problems stem from the dog owner.

Str8stroke · Mar 4, 2016

I am in-between. I can be happy with entertaining lots of folks in my home, or just sitting home with family. Of course, I prefer hanging with just family.

RBR · Mar 5, 2016

.....

peter yetman · Mar 5, 2016

For 18 years I was front of house in our own restaurant. It was like having a party every day of the week. Can't do parties at all now, I don't even like going to friends' houses if there's people there I don't know. How am I going to meet new people you ask? I don't want to, thanks.
It's official, I'm a recluse - just me, her and two beagles.
What's all that Air Kissing about anyway, and how is kissing on both cheeks less intimate? (Facial not bottoms)
P

Minimoog · Mar 5, 2016

Thanks for the comments - it is something I think about quite a bit as people put evenings out so high on their list of important things that when I say I'm not fussed at all, its like what is wrong with you? I have never liked such events really - even as a teen. Well I did like the beginning when I could speak with everyone but one the loud talking started and drunken 'fun' activities I used to slip away, into the night.

One more of my grumbles is that most of what people say in conversation is made up or boosted to sound good. I don't mind a few flowery truths but there is only so many 'wonderful' people and 'amazing' holiday resorts I can hear about before I start to get mental fatigue.

Plus I like do like a bit of solitude too so that counts against me.

sidecross · Mar 5, 2016

Minimoog said:
Plus I like do like a bit of solitude too so that counts against me.

In my world to 'like solitude' is a trait I covet and desire. I find most conversations dull; I would rather read a book or an article where someone at least tries to make a point to consider.

I have no interest where people eat out, where their next vacation will be, or how proud they are of their children. Luckily for me and others I am a minority. :thumbsup:

bykfixer · Mar 5, 2016

Minimoog said:
I am sometimes asked on an after work meal or evening family get together for some food but I rarely like attending, which is disappointing to me. I have just come back from a meal with friends and I realise why I try to put off attending.

On the face of it it sounds great - a get together, food, chat and laughs. But the reality always seems to fall short and I am glad to get away. This evening I noted the following as I tried to work out why it is not my scene when it sounds so good when arranging...

On the plus side:

1. Good food and an open fire in the pub/restaurants.
2. Real ales and friendly service.
3. Get to see friends.

On the negative side:

1. Noise - the 'chatter' builds as the places fill to end up at an ear splitting level of people almost shouting. No hope of a conversation, just shouted short phrases. This is my biggest bugbear, as what is the point of meeting if I end up in silence whilst others bellow over each other to be heard. I often have to wait to when we leave to say what I wanted.
2. Swearing - I'm not into swearing in such places so other people cussing liberally and loudly jars with me.
3. Dogs - I like dogs but why are there so many dogs in restaurants in the evenings? I counted 7 this evening and they bark loudly as they scuffle with each other and pester to get at our food on the table. One person fell over one dog and went flying.
4. Live music. Any live music at a meet WILL be at an even higher ear splitting level than the talking, plus the talking is even louder than usual to get over the music.
5. Too late. After a long working week I am tired and after about 10 PM I really want my bed...
6. Drinking for fun. I love a beer or two but I don't go out of my way to drink and all the noise ends up making me fed up with drinking and being there.

So do you do evenings out? Do you find them a pleasure or a chore?

My ideal evening out is a walk around the harbour and seeing the boats moving on the changing tide or over the moonlit fields to see the stars and hear the owls and feel the chill of the night air on my skin, but that is no good I am told - and it certainly is nowhere as popular as the above as the paths are always empty.

Describes my thoughts perfectly.
But then again our hobby is flashlights... Of course we don't fit in.

Moog, you're a guy who still has a special lightbulb from your child hood. All those lemmings trying to fit in are the crazy ones. You're the only sane one in the joint. You already know what you like. The sheeple are still trying to be what everybody else says they should be.

Manners are a die-ing breed.
And the path less travelled is the most peaceful.
Popularity is over rated.

An old man once told me "if you have 3 friends...true friends...you have 2 more than most"

My dad said he met his first real friend at 67.

Another old man said "according to the obituaries I'm down to 2 friends....when they're gone I'll still have 3...me, myself and I"

A buffet joint on Sunday morning is a great way for us mellow cats to socialize. It's the quiet moments of the party people...

After a week of working it's straight to the 'cave-sweet-cave' for this guy. If I want to be around people I go see them.

When I was single and went to a restaraunt alone and the waitress said "just one sir?" I'd say "on purpose".

My wife said she noticed me because I was the quiet one in a crowd, never competing, always smiling. She said "he's either happy inside, or plotting to blow up the place"

Leded · Mar 5, 2016

I am fifty years old, I've been all over the world and had many experiences. I guess maturity comes into play, I've been to all the parties, bars, concerts and women(wink). Been there done that, now I need my peace and quiet time. Me and the wifey, kids are away. Freedom!

Going out for a meal / socialising in the evenings - not what it is cracked up to be?

Minimoog

Enlightened

Nitroz

Flashlight Enthusiast

Leded

Newly Enlightened

Tejasandre

Flashlight Enthusiast

scs

Flashlight Enthusiast

lightlover

Flashlight Enthusiast

Crazyeddiethefirst

Flashlight Enthusiast

sidecross

Flashlight Enthusiast

Tre_Asay

Enlightened

StarHalo

Flashaholic

sidecross

Flashlight Enthusiast

Str8stroke

Flashlight Enthusiast

RBR

Enlightened

peter yetman

Flashlight Enthusiast

Minimoog

Enlightened

sidecross

Flashlight Enthusiast

bykfixer

Flashaholic

Leded

Newly Enlightened

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