why am i so darn shy

raggie33

*the raggedier*
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Aug 11, 2003
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im kinda of a atractive guy i get smiles when i go out, but soon as a woemn makes eye contact with me i look at ground. and lose my voice man i am the shyiest guy in world. its very frustarating. are any of you all shy?
 

Negeltu

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I used to think I was "just" shy.. but I know now that I have social anxiety disorder... It's been a rough go for me in life..
 

raggie33

*the raggedier*
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[ QUOTE ]
Negeltu said:
I used to think I was "just" shy.. but I know now that I have social anxiety disorder... It's been a rough go for me in life..

[/ QUOTE ]lol i been diagonesd with that.its so awefull
 

6pOriginal

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Doh! Same thing happens to me! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif It's probably easier for me to climb a mountain or something than having the guts to ask a girl out... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif
 

evanlocc

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Well guys, i understand that!

OK, next time you buy clothing please ask the sales girl to suggest what color that suit you most.
This is how the talking start and the more you ask.... soon you feel better.(as if you're typing here!)

good luck.
 

tkl

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I always had a hard time talking to the ladies and coming up with conversation. I'm so glad I'm married and the single days are over.
 

BB

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Me was shy too...

Unlike Raggie33, I am not a stud. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif . I was terribly shy around women and a conservative (in San Francisco State University). I did OK in groups, and I had no problems working with others--just never had the nerve to ask one on a date.

Other than you gaining in age and experience, I am not sure how to help you guys. So, I will tell you what allowed me to evolve.

My changing point was probably when I quit my job--when my boss told me I was going to give a lecture to about eight groups of a dozen people each. These were computer sales folks for our company and I was a hardware engineer who usually locked myself in my lab (magnetic storage and controllers).

Well, after he convinced me to withdraw my resignation, I wrote up a script--and got him to OK it.

First group in, I was scared stiff (and sharing the lecture with a software manager--whose name I promptly forgot when I needed to introduce him to the group).

Well to make a long story short, at the end of the day, the sales VP was looking around the company for his last sales group--they went missing in my lecture as were discussing sales directions, asking questions about our customers, holding discussions, etc... In other words, they had to shut me up and get the last group to their scheduled dinner meeting.

Something like six to 12 months later, I ended up marrying the software engineer that sat 15 feet from my lab (I was 29).

So, my recommendation is that you don't let your shyness stop you (it is easy for me to say that now). You are the only person that is keeping you from changing. You will make mistakes and you will make a fool of yourself as you learn... But guess what, you will survive these experiences and laugh at them later.

A couple of other quick recommendations:

It is better to be alone than to wish that you where alone (i.e., divorce is not something that you will want to try...).

Look at the family of whom you are dating. They will either end up being very similar to their parents, or be the exact opposite. It is usually pretty obvious which they will be--make sure that you are OK with it before you get "involved".

Good Luck!
-Bill
 

6pOriginal

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[ QUOTE ]
evanlocc said:
Well guys, i understand that!

OK, next time you buy clothing please ask the sales girl to suggest what color that suit you most.
This is how the talking start and the more you ask.... soon you feel better.(as if you're typing here!)

good luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

hmm....That doesn't really work with me, I guess I am an unusal person at my age. I don't get new clothes until they are very worn or has a hole on it or something. Clothes are at pretty low spot for my shopping priority list, instead I spent most of my shopping money on toys...doh! It may be easier if it's gadget or flashlight shopping /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ohgeez.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/naughty.gif

Bill,
I don't have problem at all doing presentations or talking in groups and such, but alone with a girl is another thing /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif
 

Wolfen

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Raggie,
Get involved in some type of volunteer work or take some adult education classes. Sign up for some co-ed sports at the YMCA. Interested in politics? Campaign for someone. The list can go on and on. Get off you duff and go out there and do something you will learn to deal with your shyness and maybe meet a special someone.

Good luck,
Tim
 

raggie33

*the raggedier*
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i need to do something being alone stinks.maybe i join up for something.maybe do the politics thing i want someone to be reelecticted i wont mention name cause well politics and internet dont mix well lol
 

Rothrandir

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US
when i was younger i used to be shy...
not sure what happened. i just got over it? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/confused.gif

i think the best thing to do is be confident in yourself.
 

raggie33

*the raggedier*
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Aug 11, 2003
Messages
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im very very shy it is scary .when i go shoping i get very nervess if some one is behind me..its kinda depressing /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif
 

evanlocc

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[ QUOTE ]
raggie33 said:
im very very shy it is scary .when i go shoping i get very nervess if some one is behind me..its kinda depressing /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon23.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

How about when you are behind somebody. That is how the one behind you feel.
But if you always feel someone is behind and there isn't or feel that you're being watched, then pls go to your church and talk to the 'father'.

PLEASE read my signature quote! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/twakfl.gif
 

stockwiz

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Although I am shy around women at first, it's my introverted nature that stands out. Introverts aren't mean or anything, they just don't have a tendancy to start up spontaenous conversation on their own except around immediate family or loved ones, and since introverts are the minority, about 10% of the population at most, they are often misunderstood. Indeed I'm not that good at nor do I have much desire to "small talk" with coworkers or anyone, it's just the way I am, and I don't mind who I am at all.. I think that right there is half the battle.. do you like your traits or not?

I'll warm to anyone after I get to know them, just don't expect me to be a chatterbug because I'm not (for the most part.) I have confidence that I'll find the right person for me, mainly because of what I know, and the type of person I am once someone gets past the relatively hard exterior. Plus I haven't been actively looking either, and tend to be specific about what I am looking for, focusing on long term prospects only (among other things)... the perfect monogamous partner.

I suppose it's easier for me, someone has shyness tendancies and interoverted, then it would be for someone who's extroverted but has an anxiety disorder.. I can't suppose that is easy to deal with.


Alright, I think I have this post the way I want it. Don't know what I would do without post editing.
 

Jack_Crow

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R,
No easy answers here but some things to think on.

Most people are diven by two fears.

Fear of success
and
Fear of failure

In the case of this shy situation is a dynamic balance between the two. What do you say we chop the logic here.

If you ask and succeed, what have you lost. Not a whole lot. Pratice never hurts.

If you ask and get turned down what have you lost. Not a thing. You will get over it. It's real tough to totally dammage an ego. I speak from experience.

Make the decision to not care about outcomes and carry on. You will get over this issue.

Keep it warm
Jack Crow in Iraq
 

Big_Ed

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I used to be shy. That kind of morphed into mere nervousness. Every time I ask a woman out, I get better at it. The key, I've found, is to simply have confidence in yourself. I know it's not easy, but once you have it, it opens up doors that you never saw before.
This may sound really stupid, but for some reason, I've found that if I'm chewing gum, it somehow gives me confidence. Maybe it kind of relieves a nervous tick or something, I don't know. Also, if you are the type of person who has a good sense of humor, use that to your advantage. Try to be a little funny without over doing it. Also, look for opportunities. My confidence gets a boost if I see that a woman is receptive or talks first, or asks me a question. That way, I feel that I'm not the one who's bound to fail. She came to me, even if it's just for general conversation or a question. Take advantage of every opportunity, and learn from each experience what works and what doesn't. And try to be as perceptive as you can. Sometimes it's pretty easy to tell if a woman is going to be receptive to you. A great place to practice talking to women is at the check-out line at the grocery store/Walmart or whatever. Just comment on simple everyday things like the weather, or whatever. Every little bit of practice helps. And it's not like there's going to be any long awkward silences because you're only going to be interacting with her for a minute or two. Then, if you feel that went well, try to go to her check-out line each time you go to that store. You'll find it easier to talk to her each time, thus building confidence! Whatever you do, just be yourself. As corny as that sounds, it's the best thing you can do. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thumbsup.gif
 

IsaacHayes

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stockwiz, I'm like that too. People will think I'm really nice if they talk to me, but if they don't then they think I'm stuck up. I just don't talk to everyone and be out there unless I know you.

Things that help I've learned. (I need to force myself to look at these once and a while) /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/whoopin.gif

1) You are not inferior. You may feel your're not all that, but don't worry, you know your're a good person. Look at all the hot girls, or really nice girls, that have a-holes for boyfriends, or their boyfriends are butt ugly snagle toothed. Why do they have these girls? Because they are confident.

2) Be confident. Easiest way to do this is to amolst be fake. Put on a front in a way. Still be yourself, but put on a salesmen attitude. Push out of your mind how much you like this girl/etc and just go up and talk like you have no interest in them. It works for some reason. The less you act like you care, the more confident you act. If you are a nice person then you don't have to worry about being too cocky even though you seem like you are to yourself. You won't appear cocky at all.

3) Work out. Just make it a habbit. It will help you feel better. Worked some for me and now I look good. I still don't weigh a thing, but I'm pure muscle, and no longer stick boy. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thumbsup.gif

4) Get to know people. Even if you don't feel like being a close friend to them, just get to know them. People know people, etc. They might bring a nice friend with them sometime.

5) Don't over think/analize things too much. It's good to observe and find out if a girl is worth your time, but don't become so infactuted that it messes with you talking to them. You can talk and meet girls before finding out what kind of person they are. This is hard for me but you must realize that just by talking to them and getting to know them your're not making a commitment of marriage! Learn to date a litte even if you are unsure of the outcome. Ask a girl out that you aren't mad over, but kind of like. It might grow, and if not, its good practice!

That's all I can think of for now. I've realzied these things and I'm trying to practice them as best I can. Funny too, when you have a girl, other girls come to you without any work. When your single, they avoid you like the plague! I think your're more happy and carry yourself better and they pick up on that..

Here is one that I need help with, when I do meet a girl I feel is worth having a relation ship with, I become really close to them and we talk about a lot of things, but I become too close or too good of a "friend" and they don't want to mess that up with a relationship, even though we both like eachother a lot. DRIVES ME NUTS. It always happens with me. I become a "brother" to them. (*@!#$&

HELP! I guess I'm asking to get serious too late.. But I don't know when is a good time? Perhaps once they know I'm a nice person but we haven't had deep talks or anything.. arrhhh I'm not a play-ah! (@*#$

-IH the hopeless romantic /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
 

Badbeams3

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The friendship thing used to happen to me also...if you take to long getting to know each other forget it. She`ll never want you beyond being just friends. One gal I hung out with that I was interested in started going out on dates...I said "hey...hold on, what about me"....Well, we`re great friends but I need more"...well that sounds great to me! Naw...I can`t imagine sex with you...your like my brother /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ohgeez.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rant.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif

Got to let them know your intentions fairly quick or they figure your a boring guy who want only to hang out with them...they want a manly man, a dominating fireball.

Ahh, don`t worry about being shy...you got time on your side...before you know it you`ll have kids running around and a wife explaining that flashlights are dumb. Then you`ll wonder what the hell you were thinking. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/thinking.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink2.gif
 
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