Telephone Answering Mech greetings.......ctxt

Hi all,
Ever create a tastless answering mech. greeting?

My current one is this.
"Hi there, Mike here,
if you know what's good for you
leave a message.
It's the human thing to do" ......beep.

In the past I had clips from the movie Dark Star

"Sargent Pinback calling bomb number 19, do you read me bomb"
"Bomb number 19 to Sargent Pinback, I read you continue.
the exchange would go on for a while, and the sargent would ask the bomb, "You woulden't happen to know when your supposed to explode do you?"

This was on my answering mech for years, it annoyed the ****ens out of people who called me on the ham radio auto patch, and they got that greeting across three states.

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The greeting that annoyed people the most was the first 30 seconds of the song "Wipe Out". The nasty cackel, the words "wipe out" and some surf music.

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and you wonder why Im not invited to parties.

Later dudes
Jack Crow in Iraq

Mine was:

Thank you for calling 1800DialAShrink... After the tone tell me what you think when I speak the following words: orange, table and mother. I call you back with my diagnosis. We accept all forms of insurance. Thank you.

Re: Telephone Answering Mach. greetings.......ctxt

I once had an answering machine message from National Lampoon:

"Hello. This is Sgt. Patterson speaking to you on the police emergency rapeline. I'm sorry, but all the rapeline circuits are busy right now. If you have a rape in progress you wish to report, please hold the line and a policeman will assist you on the first available phone. This is a recording and will not be repeated thank you."

This message had a very noticeable "wow and flutter" to it, as though recorded on a bad tape recorder. The CD version has this effect too, so I know I just didn't get a bad cassette.

leave us a message or leave us alone

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

Anyone ever heard of Roy D Mercer? Some guy just prank calls people as a job and records them, then puts them on a CD and sells em. Well on one of his CDs he had a answering machine track and went like this:

"Hello this here is Roy D Mercer, and as you can tell, we got us a situation. Them folks that live here cant come to the phone right now, but as I see it, we can handle this one of two ways. You can either leave em a message, or hang up the phone and risk gettin' your *** whooped. The choice is yours when you hear the beep."

Man, that was a great line for it. He has this halarious Texan Western type accent so you can add that in in the funnyness factor.

Cameron

Man, y'all got some killers!

I gotta keep a really nice, sane message on mine. We're trying to run a business here!

O.K. Guys, check out the one I made for my OGM . I finally found the wav file and discovered it's TEN YEARS old. Maybe it's time to move on.

For almost ten years I had:
"It's the 90s, you know what to do"

"I'm not here. You can leave a message or hang up; guess which gets you a return call?"

Guys,
Thanks for the laugh. Last night was rather humorless. We were supposed to be target pratice for some rude strangers. Fortunatly it diden't happen.

"1800DialAShrink..."
Now that's funney. I may have to use that for my cell phone greeting when I get back to the world. I have other words to sub in.

"Hello. This is Sgt. Patterson speaking to you on the police emergency"
I play bit of that album "That's not funney that's sick" on the radio station. Nice thing about having a radio station in the middle of Iraq, no whining mommies to get deeply offended about language issues.

One of my 'mixes' are songs about radio. I slide in the "stereos and such' ad there. Also the Height report song fits nicely in the Sex Mix. Imagine playing 200 sex songs back to back. (Or would that be front to back, front to front, any which way!)

Let's not forget Mr Roberts #'s 1 and 2. Those I get feedback from the troopers on. They love it.

"leave us a message or leave us alone"
That's cool as well. Kind of like that old Traffic song, "Light up or leave me alone". Good choice.

Arizona Dan, what would I say if your number was called? "Send me the video tape!"

"Roy D Mercer" I have MP3's from two disks of his. I slide then inbetween sets of music. The guys love it. Some from the mid west have heard them before, but being an east cost type they were new to me. Great giggels. If he ever called me, I would love to get my *** whooped and would pencil him in for an apointment. I would also bring revolver and two speed loaders for balance.

Guys thanks for the fun moment.
Later dudes
Jack Crow in Iraq

I had one that went like this...

"Hello.... Hello?...what?... Huh? I can't ...Hello? Oh, OK, this is just a machine, wait for the beep."

I got my first (only) answering machine around 1990, you could record up to 13 seconds of message, no more - I took that as a challenge & started making up scripts but settled on recording Bell messages instead. For about 1 year my machine said, in the standard Operators' voice "The number you have dialed is not in service, please hang up & try your call again", my room mates elderly mom finally freaked & I changed it. It was a great way to lose unwanted calls, only friends & family knew to wait for the beep.

That is a *GREAT* idea if I ever need to use voice mail again. Cellphone companies keep pushing "free" voice mail boxes at me and I simply don't want them. If I turn off the cell phone or silence the phone, I don't WANT to be contactable /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif

As for the hardwired landline, I keep a modem from days gone by. The V.90/X2 answer screech is enough to keep unwanted calls at bay.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crackup.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/clap.gif Thanks for that bit about the modem Kevin, I needed a good laugh!

Mine went"Hi this is Joes refrigerator, his answering machine is on vacation this week, just leave a message and I"ll put a postit on my self for him"

I used a DecTalk voice synthesizer to record the following:

"This is Dr. Stephen Hawking, I'm here trying to help Bob balance his checkbook. Frankly, it's not looking to good. He'll have to call you back."

Wow, no wonder you guys spend you time posting online to messageboards. I just have the generic one built in and I get 2-3 calls a day for jobs from my resume postings online. I had a workshop by a ceo of a corporation, he said they use monster for finding people in their area and call, they hang up if they get a machine and move on to another person.

One of my housemates' cellphone message is
"The number you are calling from has not been recognised. Please hang up and try again."
It was spoken by what sounded just like the telephone automated voice.