Jetbeam        
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 75

Thread: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

  1. #1

    Default My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I'm generally a very private person but after reading about the personal illnesses and deaths of family here I've decided to open up a bit and share the end of a life with all of you. Perhaps it's theraputic to help me understand and deal with the inevitable.

    Almost two years and a half years ago he called me to say that he had been diagnosed with bladder cancer even though a full body scan taken a few months earlier for a routine check up revealed nothing. He was in excellent health with no risk or genetic factors. Initially he began treatment at Mayo and later transferred to Stanford and even with these excellent facilities he was given 13 months to live. Fortunately, he has been with us for 27.

    Along this awful journey he has been through chemo with side effects that would make you want to cry. He has been through radiation and been left with burns that made it impossible to sleep at night. More chemo followed and there were times that we thought he was near death but with a strong fighter spirit he pulled through only to face another round of treatment.

    Eventually his cancer spread to his spine and began eating away at his L4 vertebrae. The choices were poor: either do nothing and face collapsing of his spine with near certain paralysis or have surgery to put in rods to stabilize him for some ability to walk. He chose the later and they cut him open from the base of his neck to his tailbone but they could only get out 40% of the cancer.

    He underwent Cyberknife treatment that will one day be common but right now it shows a lot of promise for some types of cancer but not others. It does not treat lung cancer and so we watched as he began coughing up ever increasing amounts of blood. It was bright red and the doctors said it was from the growing cancer that was about the size of golf ball but that other spots on his lung would eventually do the same thing. Throughout his pain and agony he said he loved us and that family and friends who care made it worthwhile.

    Recently he has been having terrible pain but it's relieved with morphine. That makes him constipated and so he's been in the hospital at 8 pm or 1 am and seemingly every other day facing toxic posioning until they can clean him out. He's had enemas every third day but that assumes he doesn't throw up the food he's just eaten. Anti nausea medication really doesn't help that much.

    His arms are black and blue and he's tired. His blood levels are dropping to the point that only daily transfusions will keep him alive but that will only prolong the inevitable.

    I flew in last weekend and helped with projects around the house that he'd do if he felt better. I think he was almost ashamed that he couldn't do them himself but he was glad that they were done and he thanked me withthe love and appreciation that perhaps only a father and oldest son understand. I don't know for sure but I could sense it.

    We had a heart to heart talk and I told him that he had been more courageous than I think I ever could have been but that he didn't have to fight anymore if didn't want to. No would would question whether his decision was right or wrong but that I was glad that he was still here and that I appreciated the strength he'd shown to all of his family and how he'd been a good father that hasn't disappointed us. He said he understood and would let me know.

    A few hours ago he called and said he'd made up his mind not to go on with further treatment. Given his state of health he has about 2 weeks to live, perhaps a little less. I'll speak with his doctor shortly but right know he's made the decision to die in the hospital instead of at home. The hospital is kind enough to put him in a private room and bring in a bed for my mom so she can sleep with him and be near him until he passes on.

    I don't know what tomorrow will bring but as I type this tears are pouring out of my eyes. I want to face his death head on with the same compassion and courage he's shown to all of us. I will miss him dearly.

  2. #2

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    im so sorry to here this.i hate cancer takes to many loved ones from people.you ya family and ya father are in my prayers.i wish i had more words to help. but ya are trully in my thoughts and prayers

  3. #3
    *Flashaholic* McGizmo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Maui
    Posts
    17,237

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Flashlightboy,

    Many of us have experienced similar. It makes no difference though. Words can not remove the pain, loss and suffering but they can bridge a gap across dispair. The circle will be complete for your father soon and yet it will always be linked and present in yours. Be well and strong and accept the tears for the love that brings them on.

  4. #4

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    My eyes are teary right now. I'm very sorry to hear this. Hang in there, and let us know if there is anything we can do for you. I don't really know what to say. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

  5. #5
    *Flashaholic* JonSidneyB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Greenfield In
    Posts
    3,431

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    It can really be hard to know what to say at times like these. We are always here to listen when ever you need it.

  6. #6
    Flashaholic*
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    4,874

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I'm really, really sorry to hear your story. Cancer is a rotten, horrific disease, in my mind worse then AIDS or any other of the tragic diseases still prevalent in today's society. I don't think there's a single sole on this earth over the age of 20 that has somehow not been touched by it. I've witnessed several uncles waste away to the point of not recognizing anyone around them as well as a teenage friend that died of bone cancer.

    You write eloquently and from the heart. I'm hoping people who have lost their dads can come forth and offer condolences that may somehow make you feel a little better. God bless.

  7. #7
    Flashaholic* Penguin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Diamond Bar, California
    Posts
    688

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Flashlightboy, the CPF is here for you. I'll keep your father and your family in my prayers. I'm so sorry for your loss, words can't express the true sorrow you feel. I'm so sorry.

  8. #8
    *Flashaholic* flashlight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Republic of Singapore
    Posts
    3,557

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Thoughts & prayers with you & your family.....

  9. #9

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Flashlight boy,

    I'm really sorry to hear about what your father, and what the rest of the family, including yourself has been through.

    Cancer is a harrowing disease - something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

    I know it might not do any good, but try Alex Chui's Immortality Device (just do a google search). It's fairly inexpensive, but effective in the treatment of many illnesses, injuries, and diseases (many of them untreatable).

    I don't believe a lot of Alex's claims, but he does have a lot of customers who have tried the products, and left a testimonial, and it's worked miracles with healing all kinds of ailments.

    It might be worth a try.

  10. #10
    Flashaholic*
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    248

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    My wife and I will keep your father and your family in our prayers. Cancer is terrible but with hope and faith, one day there will be a cure. We are here for you......

  11. #11

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I am so sorry for your Dads suffering. I really teared up reading your post and my heart goes out to him.
    The hurt and sadness you feel will ease with time but you will always feel a lose in your heart. I think of my Dad everyday. I thank God he was saved and I will see him again one day. That helps ease the pain of not having him here anymore.
    I have always thought the best way to honor our parents is to try to be the best person we can be while we are here. We should honor them with the life we live.
    Your family is in my prayers.

  12. #12

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I'm so sorry to hear that. Will pray for you and your family.

  13. #13

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    My sympathies and prayers as well. Grieve, cry, let it all out. There is a time for everything. Let him know or feel how much you love him because it will be his strength, either in this life OR the next (if it comes to that).

  14. #14
    *Flashaholic* PhotonWrangler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    In a handbasket
    Posts
    12,253

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Jeff, you sound like a sensitive and caring man. I could feel the pain in your words. I have been through the same thing myself with parents and other close relatives, so I know the pain that is visiting you right now.

    Life teaches us many lessons; some of them are warm and fuzzy and others really, really hurt. I can tell that your father knows even through his terrible suffering that he is in good hands, your hands, and when the time comes, he will be able to go in peace knowing this. He sounds like an incredible fighter for having survived such arduous treatment up to this point, and I admire him for this even though I don't know him.

    I hope that you'll find the strength to get through the coming weeks. Please write more if it helps; talking about your fears and sadness can provide much needed catharsis.

    You talk and we'll listen... deal? [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img]

  15. #15
    Flashaholic* LitFuse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Sunshine State
    Posts
    1,787

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your father Jeff. Try to take comfort in the fact that he will soon be at peace, and his suffering will be over. Judging by what you wrote, I would imagine that he is very proud of you, just as you are of him.

    I'm not sure where the following words originated, but I'm sure that many who have dealt with cancer have read this:

    Cancer is so limited ...

    It cannot cripple love.
    It cannot shatter hope.
    It cannot corrode faith.
    It cannot destroy peace.
    It cannot kill friendships.
    It cannot suppress memories.
    It cannot silence courage.
    It cannot invade the soul.
    It cannot steal eternal life.
    It cannot conquor the Spirit.

    I think you made the right choice in sharing with us, it's much easier than going alone. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

    Peter

  16. #16
    Flashaholic* Carpe Diem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    2,524

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Jeff...

    My thoughts are, and will be, with you. I wish you strength, my friend.

    Your post once again put things in perspective for me.

    We get so wrapped up in daily minutia, and totally forget about the true wonder of life that we`re so fortunate to experience.

    Please post more. We`ll be here for you.

    Strength.

  17. #17
    *Flashaholic*
    tvodrd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Hawthorne, NV
    Posts
    4,987

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Jeff,

    It's a difficult road to walk, undoubtedly for him and I know for you! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img]

    Larry

  18. #18
    Flashaholic*
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    1,009

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I can tell you have grown a lot from this. I know your dad is proud and will always be proud of you. Remember, life is not the ending, it is the journey.

  19. #19
    * The Arctic Moderator * Sigman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    "The 49th State"
    Posts
    10,122

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Jeff, this certainly hits home with me. In 1982 my Father was diagnosed with asbestos related cancer. Dad was a welder/pipefitter and had worked around asbestos & chemicals all his life.

    We were blessed to have him with us for about another 14 months and then he passed. It hurt and still does...your words bring this back and I certainly know exactly how you feel. We experienced much of the same as you have described.

    My thoughts & prayers are with you...it's hard to be strong at a time like this. I remember the good times and the good things...My Dad lives on in me, my two teenage sons, my brother's son & daughter, and my sister's son.

    Be strong and keep us informed.

  20. #20
    Flashaholic* Neg2LED's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    'straya, mate!
    Posts
    1,127

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    ... (nuff said)

    neg

  21. #21
    Flashaholic*
    UncleFester's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Desert Hlls,AZ
    Posts
    1,270

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Wow. I'm so sorry to hear this. You and your dad have the comfort of being loving father and son. You're doing the right thing; BE THERE for your father at the end of his life. I know his passing will make things more difficult for the rest of the family, but the focus now should be on him.

  22. #22
    Flashaholic*

    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    1,568

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I think your father's spirit lives on in you, today and every day, and you honor him every day he is alive and with you. I know a little, my father has been in ill health for several years, and every turn is heartwrenching, the ups and downs too much to bear sometimes. Prayers sent for your father and your whole family in this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your story and your pain.
    daloosh

  23. #23
    *Flashaholic* KevinL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    At World's End
    Posts
    5,866

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Perhaps that was the best thing you could have done, to let him be at peace when the time does come. Our thoughts and sympathies are with you and yours during this time of crisis.

  24. #24
    Flashaholic*
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    1,274

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Hey Flash,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Cancer is a terrible disease. About ten years ago my wifes father suffered a similar battle with cancer. I know what you are going through and I know how much it can hurt. Keep up your strength. I will keep you in our prayers.

  25. #25

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Our prayers go out to you and yours, we lost a brother at age 30 to cancer. The conversation you had was one that takes courage and is the toughest thing to do...you have my respect. For someone to get to make choices and have dignity in it means alot. We hope for the best for your family.

  26. #26
    Enlightened
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Subang Jaya, Malaysia
    Posts
    38

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Sorry to hear about your father. Be strong for him and your family.

  27. #27

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    At times like this words seemingly don't mean very much but the depth and compassion from each of you shows that it really does matter.

    I am grateful for your kind words and prayers of comfort and understanding. Thank you very much.

  28. #28
    Flashaholic* d'mo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    938

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    My prayers are with you and your family Jeff.

  29. #29
    Flashaholic* pedalinbob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,281

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    Been there, done that.
    I NEVER get used to hearing/dealing with this kind of thing.

    It always hurts.

    Prayers and good thoughts sent your way...hang in there.

    Bob

  30. #30
    *Flashaholic* greenLED's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    La Tiquicia
    Posts
    13,261

    Default Re: My father will pass away shortly from cancer.

    I know how hard it is to loose one's father. I also had tears in my eyes after reading your post. My prayers and blessings are with you, your family, and your father.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •