Catman10,
Congratulations!
Advice. Wow. That's hard. OK. As far as the wedding goes, always keep in mind that you will eventually get through it and the planning and hastle will someday be behind you. Next, you need to figure out what (if anything) is really important for you in terms of the ceremony, venue, food, music, decorations, cards, etc. Then bring those things up with your wife to be and try to negotiate things to be acceptable. Everything else, let go.
Of course, the problem that most women have is that the man always says "Huh? Oh, the flowers? Whatever you want dear." and this pisses the woman off because she wants HELP and by that she means she doesn't want to be alone in the decision making process. A lot of times this just means thinking aloud and feeling things out and throwing some suggestions around, and then finally agreeing that your fiancee's choice is the best possible one. Unfortunately you can't simply skip all of the foregoing.
Also, try not to get taken (money-wise) by the wedding-mafia. Anyone who ever says "you only get married once, so what does the money matter?" get rid of them (unless it's your family or family to be, of course /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif ). It DOES matter. Hello?!? There's absolutely no need to throw such a lavish wedding that people go into debt over it. If parents really feel the need to spend 20-30K (or more), use most of that as a downpayment on a house or something or to pay off student loans or credit cards or auto loans. Or invest it. Just my opinion. The ceremony is important, yes, but not so much on a material level.
OK. Being married. Now what I'm going to say is maybe going to be a little unpopular, but there is no way to continuously sustain that rose-colored glasses-I'm so in love-feeling. The infatuation and euphoria will at some point pass away. There will be times when you might feel that your marriage lacks "passion".
Don't worry. Those things come and go, and they are really NOT as important as society seems to think. Don't think that you made a mistake because of these things.
Alright. That said, I can think of only one really important principle for your marriage: always, always, always love your wife. Unstintingly and without any kind of reservation or hedging or temporizing or conditions. Now please understand me. There will be moments when your wife will upset or annoy you or wound your pride and so on. You will not LIKE it. You will probably not feel very affectionate and cuddly towards her at these times. But you MUST love her. That is, you must respect her and care about her wellbeing. Never be sarcastic or snide or intentionally insulting towards her. If you are so upset that you don't dare discuss anything with her, just say so and go away to cool off.
Nothing will kill a marriage or friendship faster than disrespect and hate (or lesser degrees thereof). Nothing. Period. When you are intentionally hurtful or disrespectful towards a friend, you cause a permenant wound to that friendship.
And a corolary to this, is that you must always accept what you wife SAYS she thinks, feels, or means at face value. Never do the psychologizing thing where you say "No. You aren't really mad at me, you're mad at . . ." This is a blatant and insulting disregard for human free will and self understanding.
Even if you're sure that the issue is not what is being discussed, don't go this way. Simply turn the discussion to what your intuition tells you is the real problem.
So if your wife asks you one of those no-win questions like "Does this dress make me look fat?" or "Do you think I'm too fat?" and so on, you should respond tangentially. Something like "What's wrong, dear? Why are you asking that? You know I think you're beautiful." See? Don't discuss her weight or figure or hair. Not the point. Not the issue.
And part of loving someone is communicating and making that person a priority.
When your wife talks to you, ALWAYS drop what you are doing and listen. I have trouble with this one, but I see that it is what I should always TRY to be doing. If you really are tied up, simply say so and kindly ask if you could talk about it when you are finished.
Anyway, hope these ramblings are of some help. These things are very difficult to convey and you'll most certainly have to stumble around like we all did (and do). We're human, after all.
Good luck. Getting married was the very best thing I have ever done. Being married is great (as long as you are marrying someone you love).
