Sad LGI micro-mini review…

Icebreak

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Aug 14, 2002
Messages
4,998
Location
by the river
After seven years of trying, I finally got a confirmation on a PO submitted by my bot program for the much sought after LGI.

The package arrived yesterday at my office. I thought I might be mistaken in my perception that the package had no weight so I measure it on a postal meter and got a negative .05 reading. IOW it had negative gravity.

I went ahead and opened the package and, sure enough, there was a LGI inside.

Upon inspection, I noticed that it had a strange reflector that I had to see by it self. When I took it out I was astonished to find that there was no reflective material on the conical shaped, clear jewel. I was concerned. How could this thing reflect without reflective material? I still don't know.

Proceeding further I retrieved the 3, somewhat used, Titanium AA s I had stashed in my brief case the day before and loaded up the LGI. Only looking for a good light for rendition in close up work and maybe some late night walking excursions through the forest; I wasn't expecting much. I aimed the wand under my desk and clicked the tailcap switch and… poop. A wimpy whitish baby-blue light meagerly flopped onto the carpet. Could I have over estimated how the LGI might be able perform? Apparently so.

It was the end of the day and I was somewhat dejected. I shuffled myself out to my truck. At least I had the Leonid meteor shower to look forward too. Oh yeah, and that Walgreen's battery sale. I went to Walgreen's, stripped the AA s from the display, purchased them along with other various goods and returned to the truck. Well, you know I had to, so I loaded up the sad little lgi with the drugstore batteries. I hit the tailcap switch and KAPOW! The truck was filled with beautiful white light. It was like there was 11 full moons shining. The light did not make me squint. It was pleasing. It brought details out that were captivating. I could see the structure of every flake of ash in the ashtray. Dust on everything in my recently detailed vehicle.

Hours went by as I shown the ultra-moonbeam on anything and everything I came across. Before I knew it, it was time to go to the country to observe the meteors.

I cruised into the Ouachita National Forest to a higher elevation. My anticipation was great thinking about the falling stars I was about to see. I arrived at my observation 'mountain', parked and got out of the truck. The temp was unseasonably warm, about 55 degrees. The smell of fresh-fallen leaves, pine needles and clear air had settled gently. Nobody for miles. Yes.

I grabbed my pack and began to slowly hike into the woods that surround this 1500-ft., flattop ridge. As I shown the LGI before me I was enthralled with how it brought out the colors of the still autumn hued leaves. Walking more slowly than usual I took in detailed sites I had never seen at night before. Large spider webs had still residents sparkling their eyes back at me. Bugs of all types became evident in the amazing light. An armadillo glared at me with the same color of my light. More and more critters let themselves be seen in the stunning, alien beam.

I continued for a couple of hundred yards and began to ascend the ridge. It was great. Alone, miles from civilization trekking with an amazing light leading the way. Then I heard it. The sickly sound of a low toned, bellowing creature. There are black bear and pumas in these woods. I patted for my pistol and it was there at the ready. OK, I'm cool. I've been here before. Then the creature painfully wailed a warning sound. I did not know that sound. I did not like it. What was this strange beast? What did it look like? I began to carefully back off. I decided it would be best to get back to the truck. As I moved through the forest I would occasionally check behind me from where the creature had screamed and saw and heard nothing.

I was happy to have the LGI with me as I retraced my steps. I started to notice even more plants. Many of these plants I could not identify. Some where flowering with wildly colorful iris-like fruition. I continued toward the safety of the truck. The plants became thicker. They all had seeds hanging. I began to think I might be lost. I wasn't lost. 'I recognize these old-growth hardwoods.' A few of the plants had pods. Some of them had very large pods. A few had large Venus fly traps. I think some of them were moving. My pace quickened. My heart rate quickened. More and more of the plants seemed to be moving. I began to see a pattern. Everywhere I had previously shown the LGI had profuse, unidentifiable growth. I think some of them were looking at me.

I was so glad to finally see my truck. As I approached it most of the fear subsided. Whewwww. 'Man, that was strange.' I got my coffee thermos, poured a cup and sipped while I smoked a cigarette…admittedly trembling a little. With my LGI laying on the hard truck bed cover and protectively shining back to the woods I relaxed. Finally, I saw the first one. A pea sized meteor streaked across the sky. Then another and another; then three at the same time. My LGI scooted a little bit across the hard bed cover. Not rolled, scooted, tailcap first. With some effort, I returned it to its' place.

The show was on. More and more meteors scorched the ionosphere…three at a time, seven at a time. "Wow!" a multi-colored one. "Whoah!" a slow moving one leaving a vapor trail. The LGI rattled a little and moved forward on the on the tanua without marring the finish of the black truck. With some force, I placed it back where I wanted it. I poured a little more coffee and lit a fresh Marlboro entranced with spectral event above me. Hundreds of blue-white tracers were showering the skies. "Oh My!" two meteors changing colors, side-by-side. One of them stopped and glowed brighter. It seemed to be about 25 mi. out at around angles 17,000. Now two blues and a green showed up in the eastern sky and hovered. The LGI wiggled its' way across the truck and stopped. I tried to replace it and could not. It seemed to have some kind of magnetic force. I didn't really concern myself with it. The meteors were streaking and hovering and making close passes. It was unbelievable!

Then the wildest thing happened. The LGI began to rattle and then dance on the truck. I grabbed it but it was way too strong. It had a photonic force that was incredible. It seemed to know what it wanted to do and had I held on it would have carried me with it. I let go. It shot into the woods through the plants and then straight up into the sky like a rocket! It grouped up with some of the more colorful meteors and headed west. The show stopped. No more meteors.

The skies went back to normal, except for that sound. It was a digital bass sound from above and to the west. I recognized it. It was the first five notes from the theme to 'Close Encounters'. I stood there, absorbed only by the aroma of the forest and dead, still silence. Finally, from the ridge top, in a baritone voice, the creature bellowed out its' reply: the first five notes from 'Close Encounters'.

In a cloud of dust and flying debris me and my truck plowed out of there, hit the black-top, both of us squealing, and did not slow down until I saw city lights.

Well, you may be wondering what happened to the flashlight. Me too. Though I'm sure I can't afford the shipping charges, I would like it back. If I don't get it back, well…that's OK too. I have gained more than you might know from the experience. I can now solve complex equations with no effort. I can speak in 57 languages. I can play most musical instruments and I'm typing this review while I'm asleep on the couch.

Bottom line: If you ever have the opportunity to get an LGI; get one. They are out of this world!
 

Wolfen

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Aug 11, 2002
Messages
1,363
Location
Midwest
Nice story
smile.gif
 

Darell

Flashaholic
Joined
Nov 14, 2001
Messages
18,644
Location
LOCO is more like it.
Dang! I've gotta git me over to Arkansas some day. I thought that *I* made some pretty stiff beer!

grin.gif


An excellent piece of word smithing there, my friend.
 

MR Bulk

Flashaholic
Joined
Aug 12, 2002
Messages
6,059
Location
Hawaii
Jeff,

I think I made a terrible mistake. I may have mistakenly cut some of the heatsinks out of an old anti-gravity shield I thought we discarded along about 1372 BC; I swear it looked just like the aluminum sheet I bought from Lowe's. Of course after cutting several dozen holes throughout the surface it began looking just like the shield. Easy enough to confuse the two.

My internal organo-servo will surely be toast when Kommander Druofbleidl hears about this...

This may be my last post. Goodbye, cruel Earth...
 

Icebreak

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Aug 14, 2002
Messages
4,998
Location
by the river
Mr. Bulk-

I would hope your Kommander would take it easy on you. I was not hurt, just a little enlightened. What is interesting to me is that I can now enunciate Druofbleidl.

I like saying it. Druofbleidl, Druofbleidl,Druofbleidl. Kommander Druofbleidl! Az a madder of hat, I think I will call evenbody I meet, Kommander Druofbleidl. Hello there Kommander Druofbleidl.

Wolfen-

I know ya been here before. I'd surefire be pleased if'n I could reaquaint ya with Petit Jean Mountian. They got almost 400 hundred cars in the Rockefeller Museum now. If I was knowin' you could find time to come see us; well, that'd suit me right down to the ground.

PercaDan -n- darell-

Just so you know. All revenues are paid on time, one way or niether. Y'all just leave yer consarned concerns on the leff coast and c'mon down anytime ya please. We'll draw on some 90 yer old sippin's while we roast a pig. It's beautiful here. The air is clear, the water is clean and the moonshines bright.
 

Sigman

* The Arctic Moderator *
Joined
Sep 25, 2002
Messages
10,124
Location
"The 49th State"
Wow Icebreak...are you sure those were Marlboros?

Surely can't add anything to that..I was actually enjoying that as I was reading and also because now I too can relate to the astounding LGI!!

"Santa Mailman" arrived today with the "package"!

It is indeed the current "Holy Grail" of my torches!
 

Icebreak

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Aug 14, 2002
Messages
4,998
Location
by the river
Sigman-

I hear tell he lives up there near you.

I would have to agree with you. An LGI is a very fine thing.
 

NightStorm

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Jun 16, 2002
Messages
1,090
Location
Between a rock & a hard place.
Originally posted by Icebreak:


PercaDan -n- darell-

Just so you know. All revenues are paid on time, one way or niether. Y'all just leave yer consarned concerns on the leff coast and c'mon down anytime ya please. We'll draw on some 90 yer old sippin's while we roast a pig. It's beautiful here. The air is clear, the water is clean and the moonshines bright.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Careful now, I just might take yew up on that! Yew see...I'm not originally a coasty, I'm from the high country, so the drill be known to me.
grin.gif


Dan
 

freeze12

Enlightened
Joined
Jul 31, 2002
Messages
224
Location
Buffalo,NY
Icebreak... Great story!! See,You just had to get those Dilythium Crystal's in the "L.G.I." warmed up to have the light work properly!Reading the story made Me feel as if I was there!!
 

txwest

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Oct 30, 2001
Messages
1,773
Location
Houston, TX
Icebreak,
Thanks for the warning. I ran right in & took the batteries out of LGI. Don't want to take the chance of it decideing to leave me. TX
 

James S

Flashlight Enthusiast
Joined
Aug 27, 2002
Messages
5,078
Location
on an island surrounded by reality
Mine literally hasn't left my side since it arrived. I misplaced it for a few hours today and thought it had taken flight, but it had simply gotten moved off the dinner table by some third party
wink.gif
I'm on my third charge of the NiMH batts.

Not that I've needed it that much, but I do have to take the trash out this evening, and I've waited till it's good and dark...

Wonderful story writing
smile.gif


-James
 
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