raggie33,
i won't pretend to know exactly what you are going through because i don't, but let me say that I have felt very, very bad many times, to the point of thinking that its not worth it to bother with anything. I have seen your posts like this before, and I realize that you are in a lot of pain, but there are two important things you must remember. One is that if there is anything that you can absolutly count on in this world, it is that things will always be different. It is very hard to see out of a hole, but when you are up on the hill, you can look down at the hole and remember where you were, and remind yourself that even if you fall into the hole again, you will once again be able to climb up onto the hill every time. Guaranteed. Always. Things will always get better than when they are at their worst. The second thing to remember is that you have an amazing network of support and people reaching out to you on CPF. No person can do everything alone, no matter how strong, and fortunately for you, you don't have to. There are many friends with a lot more posts than me /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink2.gif who have got your back. So my simple wisdom is to be as strong as you can and let time take its course. Find things that you enjoy and immerse yourself in them and before you realize it, things will be better.