Hey Guys, I Need a Judgment Call.

[Chauncey Gardiner]

People can get offended at things you say for no reason you could possibly fathom ahead of time, because there is no way any speaker can possibly know the full life experiences of every listener, and his/her current state of mind.

........many sometimes it is better to let things pass, whether the speaker is innocently (unknowingly and without intent) saying something "offense-worthy" or, on the other hand, deliberately or negligently doing so.

Just because you're offended, that doesn't necessarily mean I did something wrong.

~ Rabbi Daniel Lapin

 

[LGT]

How was the pizza? I guess different people that have lost limbs will respond differently to that statement. And I don't really think the response depends on his sense of humor, but rather the rapport you've had with him in the past. I think because he brags about how much has been paid for everything he owns effects what people will think about your remark.

 

[harro]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and, unfortunately, none of us are blessed with having it. You appear to be beating yourself up a bit over this one, Chauncey. Your comment wasn't made with malicious intent, right ? Store it under ' P ' for past and move on. While you reflect on what ' may have been ', its hard to look forward to things, new.
Not to belittle the subjects loss, but it did happen as a result of him partaking of a sport he enjoys. If he's not able to take your comment with a grain of salt, then perhaps that's his loss, not yours.
If the same banter passed back and forth between two able bodied persons, instead of one able bodied person and one amputee, you'd flick it off In an instant.
Your intentions were nothing but well meaning. I'm sure most all of us know someone who just has to be ' that little bit better ' than everyone else. Grin, and bear it, for its a part of life.
Mike.

 

[Monocrom]

If you're like me, every once in a while you do, or say something you're not quite sure was appropriate. That's when it's good to have someone you can "run" your behavior by. You know, to get an opinion on weather it was indeed a faux pas. So I decided to create a thread where you can do just that. If you're not sure, bring it here. We'll let you know if you were out-of-line. :thinking:

This is is my thread, so I'll get-er started.

Back story:
My wife's brother-in-law is one of those guys who loves telling everyone how much he spent on this, that and pretty much everything. I certainly don't begrudge him his well earned income, but I do grow weary of hearing how much he's paid for every new possession.

Anyhow, a few years ago he and I are sitting in a pizzeria waiting for our food when he starts telling me how much his prosthetic leg cost. Well before I thought twice, I retorted, "Damn! I knew they were expensive, but I didn't know they wanted an arm or a leg for one." Funny right?
..........He didn't seem to think so.

So here I am, asking, Hey guys, I need a judgment call. Was that wrong?

~ Chance

If you need a judgment call, share your story. We're here to help.

If it was a woman, then yes; your comment was incredibly insensitive. But, it was another guy. One that you know. Your comment was perfectly fine. BTW, who brags about how much their artificial leg costs? I mean come on.... Prosthetic limbs are all incredibly expensive.

 

[Monocrom]

That's good advice nbp, Honestly, I'm trying, and I'm having more successes that failures. Trouble is, I've got this sense of humor that really hates to be denied. :devil:

~ Chance

Well, no worries. It's not like he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

 

[Chauncey Gardiner]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and, unfortunately, none of us are blessed with having it. You appear to be beating yourself up a bit over this one, Chauncey. Your comment wasn't made with malicious intent, right ? Store it under ' P ' for past and move on.
If the same banter passed back and forth between two able bodied persons, instead of one able bodied person and one amputee, you'd flick it off In an instant.

Mike

Hi Mike,

Thanks for for posting your thoughts. I'm pretty sure you meant to write foresight. Most everyone has hindsight, hence the saying, Hindsight is 20/20. As far as beating myself up, no, not really. It was a joke. I meant it as such when I originally said it, and when I wrote about it here as a jumping off place for a funny thread. Wasn't l@@king for absolution as I've previously written. Chalk it up to poor writing skills, or lack of. Nothing more.* This story happened at least a decade ago. At the time, I apologized and moved on.

I believe once you've offered a sincere apology and asked to be forgiven all that's required is to attempt to avoid the same behavior in the future. That's it, nothing more. I also believe, once this action has been taken, one shouldn't allow himself to be held further accountable.

Everyone, Please keep in mind the context of this story. Obviously, if there was theft, or damage to property, ect ect, restitution would be required.

Recently, I snapped at a lady. My choice of words was appropriate, but the tone of my voice wasn't. Fifteen minutes later I approached her and offered an apology saying, I shouldn't have spoken to you in the tone I did, I know it was wrong, and please forgive me. She said she was glad that I came to her and yes, what I said really upset her. Apology made and accepted the conversation changed for a few minutes when she decided to revisit my action. I stopped her mid-sentence saying, "I've already apologized for that and asked you to forgive me. I can't do anymore about it. Let's move on." She knew I was right, and realizing I wasn't about to let her control me into relinquishing my authority of the matter at hand, she moved on. My responsibility for my action had ended. I'd done all I needed to do. I apologized, asked for forgiveness, forgave myself then moved on.

Back to wife's brother-in-law. Yes, that's all it was, banter. Two guys trying to become friends. A few minutes earlier he had feigned a punch toward me. I didn't move. Not because I had time to assess the blow and knew it wasn't going to land. I didn't move because I didn't know how to react to a guy with only one leg wanting to fake spar. My poor judgment in telling the joke was not knowing him well enough, thinking he would laugh.

~ Chance

Edit ~ *Well, maybe a little more. Read my next post.

 

[Chauncey Gardiner]

.....BTW, who brags about how much their artificial leg costs? I mean come on.... Prosthetic limbs are all incredibly expensive.

^ Just an example. I don't mean to single you out, Monocrom. ^

Everyone reading my original post should realize I never used the word bragging. If memory serves me he wasn't. It was more of a matter of fact conversation. I also haven't referred to him as a jerk or used any other derogatory term anywhere in this thread.

I threw the backstory in as an afterthought.....pretty much screw-up my whole thread by taking the focus off of the joke. It was dumb to included it. Perhaps I thought it made the joke more appropriate. No matter. It wasn't applicable at the time, which makes it dishonest.

I'm invoking my right as a guy, to use a Bygone. I'll be forthright in future communications.

OK! Who's next? Surely one of you guys sport-n a swinger has a story to share.

~ Chance

 

[harro]

Hi Mike,

Thanks for for posting your thoughts. I'm pretty sure you meant to write foresight.

My bad, yes, that's correct