The Sunday Sore Man
An elderly man was sitting in the front row, leaning forward to catch every word of the sermon. The pastor noticed and said, “I see you’re very interested in the Word today, Brother Thomas!”
Thomas replied, “Actually, Pastor, I just got a new hearing aid. It cost me $4,000 and it’s the most advanced technology on the market.”
The pastor smiled. “That’s wonderful! What kind is it?”
Thomas checked his watch and said, “It’s ten past eleven.”
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A husband and wife, both in their 80s, were sitting in church. The husband fell fast asleep and started snoring loudly. The pastor stopped his sermon and whispered to the wife, “Sister Mary, could you please wake up your husband?”
Mary looked at the pastor and whispered back, “You put him to sleep, Pastor. You wake him up!”
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A man called the church office and said, “I need to speak to the pastor. It’s an emergency! My dog has passed away and I want a full church funeral.”
The secretary said, “Sir, we don’t do funerals for animals. You might try the community hall down the street.”
The man sighed, “That’s a shame. I was going to leave a $10,000 donation to the building fund in my dog’s memory.”
The secretary yelled, “Wait! Why didn’t you tell me the dog was a Presbyterian?”
