there are some Jokes

qcgoods2006

Newly Enlightened
Originally, qcgoods2006 created the thread and provided us with an occasional joke. For the most part it didn't follow the path of most joke threads, and survived where other joke threads lost their family friendliness.

Apparently qcgoods2006 finished his business with the thread, and others eventually decided to keep supplying it with new jokes. That's great; we do love a good joke. It even continued the family friendliness for quite awhile.

Now the last few jokes have been removed, since they changed the direction of the the thread into something that won't last. It doesn't even take a step far across the line to redirect it. It only takes a small step on or over the line. Follow-up jokes go a bit farther.... then farther..... then farther. Eventually the joke thread follows those of the past that got closed. - Empath

Joke: Gas price comparison

Gas Prices vs ?

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the \$0.30, \$0.40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of . . .

1. - Diet Snapple 16 oz for \$1.29 = \$10.32 per gallon
2. - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for \$1.19 = \$9.52 per gallon
3. - Gatorade 20 oz for \$1.59 = \$10.17 per gallon
4. - Ocean Spray 16 oz for \$1.25 = \$10.00 per gallon
5. - Quart of Milk 16 oz for \$1.59 = \$6.32 per gallon
6. - Evian (water) 9 oz for \$1.49 = \$21.19 per gallon
7. - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for \$3.15 = \$33.60 per gallon
8. - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for \$8.35 = \$178.13 per gallon
9. - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for \$3.85 = \$123.20 per gallon
10. - Whiteout 7 oz for \$1.39 = \$254.17 per gallon
11. - Scope 1.5 oz for \$0.99 = \$84.84 per gallon
So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout!

Last edited by a moderator:

highorder

Enlightened
Quart of Milk 16 oz for \$1.59 = \$6.32 per gallon

around here, a gallon of milk costs \$2.19

on another note, if a gallon of gas lasted me as long as a bottle of whiteout, I'd pay the difference!

glockboy

Flashlight Enthusiast
qcgoods2006 said:
So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout!
You drink 2 gallon of Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout everydays to go to work?

Concept

Flashlight Enthusiast
I like No 6. \$21.19 per gallon of water. Unless I'm overseas I dont drink anything but tap water. I should count myself lucky I guess.

I'M DK

Newly Enlightened
Concept said:
Unless I'm overseas I dont drink anything but tap water.

Dude, You are overseas.:lolsign:

DK

zigziggityzoo

Newly Enlightened
qcgoods2006 said:
Joke: Gas price comparison

Gas Prices vs ?

People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the \$0.30, \$0.40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of . . .

1. - Diet Snapple 16 oz for \$1.29 = \$10.32 per gallon
2. - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for \$1.19 = \$9.52 per gallon
3. - Gatorade 20 oz for \$1.59 = \$10.17 per gallon
4. - Ocean Spray 16 oz for \$1.25 = \$10.00 per gallon
5. - Quart of Milk 16 oz for \$1.59 = \$6.32 per gallon
6. - Evian (water) 9 oz for \$1.49 = \$21.19 per gallon
7. - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for \$3.15 = \$33.60 per gallon
8. - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for \$8.35 = \$178.13 per gallon
9. - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for \$3.85 = \$123.20 per gallon
10. - Whiteout 7 oz for \$1.39 = \$254.17 per gallon
11. - Scope 1.5 oz for \$0.99 = \$84.84 per gallon
So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout!

Evian is \$6/Case of 24 - 20oz. bottles = \$1.60/Gallon

I can go through a gallon of gas in about 20 minutes, whereas a gallon of a few of these products is either a months or a year's supply.

TedTheLed

Flashlight Enthusiast
Scope Mouthwash Cool Peppermint 33.82oz. \$2.99
Scope kills bad breath germs. Scope kills millions of bad breath germs. Its cool tingle gets your breath clean and fresh. Use Scope for the ...
Walgreens.com

..now tell me where i can unload this stuff for \$.99 an ounce and a half??
..then I can gargle with Cristal..

Last edited:

Flashaholic
My late step dad was a CPA. He enjoyed pointing out the absurdities in some products;

Maybeline mascara; 9 grams for \$6.95 at walgreens. That's 350.27 dollars a pound.

Some of the more expensive ones are close to \$30 for 10 grams. 1360.77 a pound.

Super glue was another of his favorites. 2 grams for \$4.99.

Daniel

jayflash

Flashlight Enthusiast
Those are overpriced sizes most people don't buy and none of them are required for daily use by most people. Millions of employees in the USA need gasoline or diesel to maintain employment and have no other PRACTICAL choice at this time.

Just because it could be worse, as it is in Europe, is no reason it should be. Energy producers have been making record profits and were given a multi-billion dollar gift of OUR money by the last congress, pushed by the W and Cheney's "Energy Commission".

qcgoods2006

Newly Enlightened
Joke Jan 23th

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.

The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!

She stormed past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said,"Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."

TedTheLed

Flashlight Enthusiast
A burglar is robbing a home when he hears a small voice say, "Jesus sees you." Startled, he turns and looks around, but finding no one he decides it was his imagination and goes back to stuffing loot into his sack.

Once again he hears, "Jesus sees you." This time, he sees that it was a small parrot. Laughing, he says to the parrot, "Oh, I see. I guess you're Jesus."

"My name is Paco," the parrot replys. "Jesus is the rottweiler standing behind you."

tvodrd

*Flashaholic* ,
How about the price of Hoppe's #9?

Larry

fnmag

Flashlight Enthusiast
You need to get Shooters Choice.

TedTheLed

Flashlight Enthusiast
According to one estimate (Discover magazine, August, p.68), antimatter costs \$1,750 trillion per ounce.

goldenlight

Enlightened
A young woman has just undressed to step into the shower when the doorbell
rings. She goes to the door and says, "Who is it?"

So instead of going back to the bathroom for her robe, she opens the door.

"Hmmm.. nice body, lady. Where do you want the blinds?"

goldenlight

Enlightened
The following exercise appeared on the Scottish Bar Exam a few years back.
You would probably not find this in North America :->

SECTION A - SCOTS CRIMINAL LAW

Angus drops into the "Govan Arms", a trendy wine bar in Glasgow, with
three of his friends. The bar's speciality is an "E1 Dorado cocktail", a
lethal combination of fortified wine and vodka. Bruce, who has never
before been in a pub and is a strict teetotaller, is told by Angus that
the concoction is alcohol-free; Bruce agrees to try one. Calumn, who is
perfectly aware that the brew is potent, also accepts Angus's offer of a
drink. Angus and Donald beforehand have agreed to liven things up by
"spiking" the drinks of the other two. Angus asks the barman to add three
more double vodkas to each one pint glass of the cocktail, and then
himself throws in a couple of LSD tablets. Angus and Donald stick to Coca
Cola.

The order is repeated, and again, Angus adds vodka and LSD. Both Bruce and
Ca1umn feel "high". In the toilet, Bruce is accosted by Edgar who places
his hand on Bruce's thigh, and says "what about it?". Incensed, Bruce
lashes out. Edgar hits his head on the stone floor, and is killed
instantly. Donald, meanwhile, has gone into the back room with the
1andlord's daughter, a pretty young thing who claims to be 18 (but is
indeed only 14), and who explains her school uniform as an indication
merely that she is a slow learner. The two are engaged in sexual
intercourse when the barman, Fred, enters. Calumn steps in to defend
Donald. He challenges Fred to ?step outside? for a man-to-man fight. This
"square go" (in local parlance) results in Angus, Bruce and Donald
watching and encouraging while Ca1umn hits Fred repeatedly. Calumn is a
sportsman: once Fred is lying on the ground, he walks away. However, the
other three then join in by kicking Fred, while Angus produces his handy
6" sheath knife which he sticks in Fred's thigh.

Fortunately. Dr. Nesbit is on hand in the pub, sitting in his usual corner
surrounded by empty glasses. Dr. Nesbit already has had more than his
daily allowance of lager, but nonetheless proceeds to take charge of the
situation. His sight is not as good as it once was; his hand shakes; and
his memory of medical knowledge is rather rusty. Attempts at stopping the
flow of blood are unsuccessful, since force is being applied to the wrong
pressure points. After half an hour, Nesbit acknowledges defeat, and calls
for an ambulance. Fred dies en route to the hospital.

Consider whether any breaches of the criminal law have occurred. (30 points.)

goldenlight

Enlightened
After first seeing Microsoft's slogan for its Windows XP operating
system, "it just works", I couldn't help wondering: what were the slogans
for all the previous releases? After thinking about it for a while, they
became obvious.

Windows 1.0: Good joke, eh?
Windows 2.0: Still funny, isn't it?
Windows 286: Yeah, we're still kidding.
Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years.
Windows 3.0: It's finally worth buying!
Windows 3.1: It's finally worth using!
Windows 95: Going boldly where the Mac has been for years.
Windows 98: More usable! Less stable!
Windows 98SE: More stable! Less usable!
Windows ME: Less usable AND less stable!
NT 1.0: Give me more hardware! NOW!!!
NT 2.0: Dammit, I said MORE HARDWARE!!! NOW!!!!
NT 3.0: Which part of "more hardware" do you not understand?
NT 3.5: With enough hardware, I'd work. Honest.
NT 4.0: Does less than Win98 with twice the hardware at one-half the
speed.
Windows 2K: Works almost as well as Windows 98! Honest!
Windows XP: It just works.

Coop

Flashlight Enthusiast
goldenlight said:
...

Consider whether any breaches of the criminal law have occurred. (30 points.)

This is set in scotland right? In that case, no, not a single law was broken :laughing: