sami_voodoo
Newly Enlightened
Please accept my deepest and sincerest condolences.
My Tragic Loss
- Thread starter 5.0Trunk
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xeonsaga88
Newly Enlightened
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2009
- Messages
- 76
My greatest condolences.
Sorry for your loss. :mecry:
Sorry for your loss. :mecry:
dealgrabber2002
Flashlight Enthusiast
My deepest condolences. In this great cpf community... Your loss is our loss. Please take care of yourself and your children. They need you.
houtex
Enlightened
so sorry
angelofwar
Flashlight Enthusiast
I can't begin to imagine how you must feel...just the thought of it makes me weak in the knees...God Bless, and hang in there 5.0...for Her and your kiddo's sake! (A Silent Prayer...)
kramer5150
Flashaholic
You, your children and loved ones have my condolences.
Raoul_Duke
Enlightened
So Sorry for you and your family's unimaginable loss.
Oddjob
Flashlight Enthusiast
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. My prayers go out to you and your family.
jayflash
Flashlight Enthusiast
5.0 Trunk, I can't think of anything worse than losing a close family member or friend. Hopefully sharing your grief will, in a small way, help you. I'm so sorry.
Prat
Newly Enlightened
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2009
- Messages
- 76
Yikes...so sorry to hear this Trunk. :sigh: My sincerest condolences.
I lost my mom when I was 20 to ovarian cancer (she was only 51) so I know some of what you are going through (loss like this is different for each person and each situation of course).
All I can tell you is that with time it gets better and easier, and I have for many years now (12 years after the fact this Thanksgiving--yes, she died on Thanksgiving Day!) focused on the good times she and we (my family--dad and sister and her) DID have and look at her death and my and my families loss in this way:
She got to do everything she wanted in life and had a good healthy (emotionally, physically, and lifestyle wise) life until she did die, and my family was lucky enough to enjoy her as a very loving and giving wife and mother for so many years. So many millions of people will never have any of this. In this way she (and we) was/is truly fortunate, even if ultimately her life was taken too soon from her.
This comforts me greatly at least (I'm not telling you how to grieve of course, just telling you what worked for me, as much as anything can).
That said, my father was a wreck for years afterwards (this was his one true love, he had known my mom since he was 19), never sleeping more than 4/5 hours a night and dragging himself to work, BUT he got better. He found that books on grief as well as local grief support groups and even re-entering the singles world (at age 53ish) did him a lot of good. He is still single now (at age 62), but had some significant relationships that helped him. He came to realize that HE was not the one who lost his life, that many people were out there in similar circumstances and could and would offer support, and that my mother would of wanted him to be happy.
Again, just telling you what he did and what he found to help, NOT saying it is right for you.
But I will admonish you this, and I can't stress it enough: KEEP BUSY! Keep your mind off of your loss (at least after you give yourself proper time to grieve) as much as possible. Re-engage with the world and your life no matter how hard it may be at first. Inactivity is a sure way to depression and pain in this matter (or really at any time), YOU MUST occupy your mind. And do things that you enjoy. You DESERVE to be happy (we all do) and I'm sure your wife would want you to be.
Also: GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE. DON'T expect to get over your loss within any time frame, much less let ANYONE tell you when you "should be over" your loss, even if they have been through such a loss themselves. Everyone is different with the time it takes for them to properly grieve, and forcing yourself to get over you loss sooner than you should (which isn't rerally possible anyway) can lead to problems down the road.
However, it is also true that if you are not getting better after some time then something is wrong as well. You should of course set your own grief schedule, but you should also start improving with time. So if you are not better after 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, etc. down the road then something is wrong. At that point (if it happens, I'm betting not) you may want to get professional help. There is nothing at all wrong with this! My dad sought some and even went on antidepressants. Instead of prolonging his misery when other approaches weren't working as well as they should of, he got better (he is off them now but still sees a shrink)! Life is too short to be more miserable than one should be.
Speaking of shrinks, I sound like one!
Well I'm not, I'm just relating to you my and my families experiences with the loss of a loved one in hopes that it will do some good. But you don't have to (of course) agree with any of this or take anything from it. Remember that it is ultimately YOUR grief and no one else can or should tell you what you should be doing when undergoing such grief. And if they do, then they are not helping but hurting no matter how good their intentions are.
Take care, hang tough through those dark times (and there will be some, I won't lie), and this will get better with time, that I can almost 100% guarentee you! :twothumbs
I lost my mom when I was 20 to ovarian cancer (she was only 51) so I know some of what you are going through (loss like this is different for each person and each situation of course).
All I can tell you is that with time it gets better and easier, and I have for many years now (12 years after the fact this Thanksgiving--yes, she died on Thanksgiving Day!) focused on the good times she and we (my family--dad and sister and her) DID have and look at her death and my and my families loss in this way:
She got to do everything she wanted in life and had a good healthy (emotionally, physically, and lifestyle wise) life until she did die, and my family was lucky enough to enjoy her as a very loving and giving wife and mother for so many years. So many millions of people will never have any of this. In this way she (and we) was/is truly fortunate, even if ultimately her life was taken too soon from her.
This comforts me greatly at least (I'm not telling you how to grieve of course, just telling you what worked for me, as much as anything can).
That said, my father was a wreck for years afterwards (this was his one true love, he had known my mom since he was 19), never sleeping more than 4/5 hours a night and dragging himself to work, BUT he got better. He found that books on grief as well as local grief support groups and even re-entering the singles world (at age 53ish) did him a lot of good. He is still single now (at age 62), but had some significant relationships that helped him. He came to realize that HE was not the one who lost his life, that many people were out there in similar circumstances and could and would offer support, and that my mother would of wanted him to be happy.
Again, just telling you what he did and what he found to help, NOT saying it is right for you.
But I will admonish you this, and I can't stress it enough: KEEP BUSY! Keep your mind off of your loss (at least after you give yourself proper time to grieve) as much as possible. Re-engage with the world and your life no matter how hard it may be at first. Inactivity is a sure way to depression and pain in this matter (or really at any time), YOU MUST occupy your mind. And do things that you enjoy. You DESERVE to be happy (we all do) and I'm sure your wife would want you to be.
Also: GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE. DON'T expect to get over your loss within any time frame, much less let ANYONE tell you when you "should be over" your loss, even if they have been through such a loss themselves. Everyone is different with the time it takes for them to properly grieve, and forcing yourself to get over you loss sooner than you should (which isn't rerally possible anyway) can lead to problems down the road.
However, it is also true that if you are not getting better after some time then something is wrong as well. You should of course set your own grief schedule, but you should also start improving with time. So if you are not better after 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, etc. down the road then something is wrong. At that point (if it happens, I'm betting not) you may want to get professional help. There is nothing at all wrong with this! My dad sought some and even went on antidepressants. Instead of prolonging his misery when other approaches weren't working as well as they should of, he got better (he is off them now but still sees a shrink)! Life is too short to be more miserable than one should be.
Speaking of shrinks, I sound like one!
Well I'm not, I'm just relating to you my and my families experiences with the loss of a loved one in hopes that it will do some good. But you don't have to (of course) agree with any of this or take anything from it. Remember that it is ultimately YOUR grief and no one else can or should tell you what you should be doing when undergoing such grief. And if they do, then they are not helping but hurting no matter how good their intentions are. Take care, hang tough through those dark times (and there will be some, I won't lie), and this will get better with time, that I can almost 100% guarentee you! :twothumbs
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I want to Thank Everyone for their messages of condolence to my family and I.
I know some have asked what happened and all I can say is that she been suffering with depression and was in pain and decided that she could no longer go on. This was a shock to me and everyone in our family as we had no ideal. She had no ideal haw many peoples lives she has touched.
Thank you.
I know some have asked what happened and all I can say is that she been suffering with depression and was in pain and decided that she could no longer go on. This was a shock to me and everyone in our family as we had no ideal. She had no ideal haw many peoples lives she has touched.
Thank you.
Short and Round
Newly Enlightened
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Prat
Newly Enlightened
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2009
- Messages
- 76
From me, you're welcome; I only hope my long winded post was of some help! I've been pretty sick since Thurs. so I know it wasn't the best written lol. But I wanted to share my experiences in an attempt to help, if possible, and I had the time to (being bed and computer ridden all weekend lol, and still sick now!).
On that note, you can PM me if you ever want to talk, especially now that you have shared that depression and subsequent suicide was the reason for her loss of life and your families loss of her. I do not want to go into such things here, but I'm no stranger to depression both personally and from having seen others go through it (like my father and sister after my mom died). I've even seen some hospitalized for it, because they simply shut down and couldn't take care of themselves (like do daily activities, including even eating). So I know it is a serious and complicated matter and mostly misunderstood by many (but that is finally changing) and I would never pass judgment on someone (nor those around that person) suffering from depression or for even ending his/her life. That is purely ignorant, even cruel.
Just know that you WILL get over this, even if that seems impossible now, and that you WILL find joy again in your life and especially the memories of the wonderful person you were so lucky to have shared part of your life with. Your children, even though they will be in pain, will be your strength and joy and a significant motivation to not only carry on, but to find joy again in your life. You can help them, and they will help you through this. And most importantly, think of all you do still have, as hard as that may be, and find happiness in those things.
I hope again that I have not offended or sounded preachy as I don't mean to, and such sensitive subjects and times can easily lead to misinterpretations of intent and meaning (especially from those you don't even know!). Again, take what you will and leave what you will (including all of it!) from the above, and I wish the best of recoveries for you and your family.
geepondy
Flashlight Enthusiast
From those of us who have been down that road, we surely understand. I hope she is finally pain free and in a better place and my deepest condolences to you and your family.
ANDREAS FERRARI
Flashlight Enthusiast
5.0 Trunk-how have you been holding up? We haven't heard from you in a while.
I want you to know you and your children are still in my prayers.
I want you to know you and your children are still in my prayers.
